Is there ever really closure?
I can’t get enough of the show Cold Justice. I love watching Kelly Siegler try to solve cold cases in small towns. The relief the families feel when their loved one’s murderer is arrested is almost palpable.
But Kelly and her team don’t always find the killer. I wonder if the families are able to move on. I wonder if I could if I were in their shoes.
We all experience losses we don’t understand. My daughter’s husband walked out on her when her youngest daughter was only eight weeks old. Why did he do that? My sister’s husband was killed when a tree fell and crushed his car at a traffic light. Why was he there at the moment the tree fell? My son and daughter-in-law suffered the devastating miscarriage of their first child.
Someone we love suddenly stops answering our messages. A friend no longer returns our calls. Sometimes we can ask why. Sometimes, we don’t get the opportunity. And if we do ask, does the answer satisfy us? Or does it lead to more questions?
Years ago, I performed a marriage ceremony for a couple. Less than a year later, one spouse up and left. The other called me repeatedly to ask why. Why, why, why? I don’t think any explanation she received would have been enough; it would only lead to more whys. No amount of pleading or yelling could elicit an answer that would fill the void her grief had created.
Can we live with the ambiguity?
Do we have a choice?
Can we remember that the Universe has a complicated interwoven design we don’t always understand? Can we trust Spirit‘s plan and timing? Can we remember that when pain cracks us wide open, we become more vulnerable and authentic?
Our compassion and empathy grow through loss. Grief hurts like hell. We can feel the pain physically as well as emotionally. To me, it feels like being hit in the chest with a shovel, my heart aches so painfully. It saps our mental strength. To be blunt, it sucks. But over time, when we’re ready, something beautiful grows from out of the manure.
