My friend Sharon Blue wrote a book called Self-Care is NOT a Bubble Bath. And, for the most part, I agree with her. It can certainly fit into a self-care routine, but it’s not going to erase grief, pain, or trauma.
I’ve talked before about having post-traumatic stress disorder. This time of year can be extremely challenging for me. The hot weather can make my PTSD symptoms worse. I spend most days trying to keep my adreneline from spiking because it can take days for it to go back to normal. Meanwhile, I’m not sleeping and, if I do sleep, I’m having nightmares.
This summer, I decided to do something different. I’m embracing radical self-care. I’m giving myself permission to stay in bed as late as I like in the mornings. Ok, late for me is 6:00, but it gives me a chance to do some progressive body relaxation before I get up. I am not worrying about what I eat. There will be plenty of time to lose weight when the temperature goes down in the fall. I am saying no to social engagements if I think they are going to be stressful (P.S. They are almost always stressful for me). I have not gotten behind the wheel of my car when I feel like dealing with traffic might be too much.
Even a year ago, I would never have taken such measures. Not drive? What am I, weak? Buck up! Do what has to be done!
I even decided to work with a gut-health specialist to see if I couldn’t reduce the gastric distress caused by the vagus nerve. (That’s a complex subject and maybe a topic for another day.) But meeting with my coach left me feeling anxious, like I hadn’t studied for a quiz, so I decided it wasn’t worth it. As a radical act of self-care, I surprised myself and fired her.
Where in your life do you need extreme gentleness with yourself? What needs to go? When do you need to say no? Where should you stop volunteering to help?
If you’re like me, you like to help the people you love. You hate saying no when someone asks for something. You never want to appear weak. ? If I died tomorrow, the world would keep on spinning, so I am indeed expendable. So are you. Stop killing yourself thinking you aren’t. Practice radical self-care.