You’ve heard people say It’s like comparing apples and oranges when two things are so different they seem to defy comparison. Not that apples and oranges are so very different. They have a lot in common.
When you get down to it, though, nothing is exactly the same as anything else. Any one apple is unique among apples. And an apple in this moment is different from that same apple a week from now. Or a year from now when it’s compost.
Everything is in a state of flux.
The person who was on your nerves yesterday has changed and is no longer the same person, although he might still be on your nerves.
Think of all the things others have called you or that you have called yourself. Strong. Messy. Beautiful. Demanding. Tantalizing. Smart. Disappointing.
It’s time to shake off the mistaken identities put on us. How?
Down with the verb to be!
I will spare you the linguistic theory but know that a few people have proposed tossing out all forms of be: am, is, are, was, and were. It’s called E-Prime. E for English and Prime for the language variant this creates.
Here’s how it works.
Instead of saying I’m horrible with plants, say The last orchid I was given died.
Rather than I’m such a jerk with my brother say I just treated my bother unkindly.
This works to change our perception of others as well.
Change Stop being a pest, Cass to I’m overwhelmed right now and will answer you when I get a second.
Or change Zeke, you are an obsessive micromanager to Zeke, I need more freedom on this project.
This won’t entirely eliminate the effects of pigeonholing, but it can minimize them by letting us take a step back to observe the behavior. It allows us to save face.
When we slip up, instead of thinking I’m such a failure we can observe that in this one instance I didn’t do as well as I had hoped. Instead of beating ourselves up I run off at the mouth, we can reflect and see that When I got together with Penny, I talked more than she did.
Leaving the past in the past allows us to step into a fresh future. It reminds us that we’re in flux. That we have the opportunity to change. To grow.
Try it. Let me know what you think.