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Talking to the Dead

“Can you reach out to dead people at will?” I was recently asked. “Or is it totally random?”

The answer is that I can’t summon someone who has passed, but it’s not exactly random.

If I’m working with someone who has recently lost a loved one, I will pick up the energy and memories of that person—their cologne, favorite flower, maybe a facial expression or something they always said.

But that’s not the same as getting a message from a spirit.

When I do get a message, they’re typically ones of love and reminders that they are always with us and are happy to be called upon for comfort, support, or help.

Although from time to time, when I’m relaxed, a spirit will come through. That’s been happening more frequently lately as the veil thins between the world of the living and the world of those who have passed.

Hallowe’en is strongly connected to the Celtic ritual, Samhain. And although it is celebrated at the same time as the Day of the Dead (día de los muertos), it is not related to that festival.

Day of the Dead originated with the Aztec, Toltec, and Maya about 3,000 years ago. They believed that death was a part of life, that it should be celebrated rather than feared. They also believed that the dead traveled and relied on the living for supplies like food and water.  This developed into the modern tradition of building alters (ofrendas) at home and also leaving food and drinks at the gravesite.

Samhain was one of four quarterly Celtic fire festivals. It marked the beginning of the dark half of the year. The Celts believed that the threshold between the living and dead was thinner at this time of year, and they would leave offerings outside the villages for the fairies. It was also believed that ancestors might cross over.

The Catholic Church jumped on the bandwagon (as they so often did), and declared November 1st All Hallows’ Day (which is now known as All Saint’s Day) making October 31st the eve of All Hallows’ Day, or Hallowe’en. November 2nd is All Souls Day, a day to commemorate those who have passed.

Many other countries have celebrations around this time—Poland, the Philippines, Romania, Nigeria, and Cambodia, to name a few, so there must be something to it, right?

I can attest to that. As I said, lately, spirits have been coming to me more than usual when I’m not busy. It’s that time of year.

But I should mention that your loved ones who have passed are always there for you. Invite them in. Thank them for making sure you were born. You are here for a reason. Ask them how you can fulfill your soul contract and this part of your family legacy.

And no, they don’t spy on you in the shower.

Do You Believe in Ghosts?

“I need a mass said for someone,” I said to the priest, terrified that he’d ask why. “In Spanish,” I added.

He nodded and consulted his calendar; gave me a date and told me the amount I should donate.

I went back to my car and sat there until I was calm enough to drive. I’m not Catholic. I had never talked to a priest before. I do speak Spanish, but more like a gringa borracha than a native speaker. And I had never met the man who wanted the mass. Not in real life, anyway.

Mr. Gonzalez was a ghost in my house. He was finally ready to cross over and had requested a mass in Spanish. I was determined to grant this final wish. Well, I hoped it was his final request. I got some holy water, just in case.

This wasn’t my first encounter with a soul that had not yet found its way to the other side. But it was the first time I did something about it. I put up with a poltergeist for seven years. It seemed determined to make me think I was losing my mind by hiding things and then returning them after I had bought a replacement.

How about you? Have you ever seen a cat in your house and then realized you didn’t have a cat? Have you smelled a strange perfume wafting in the air? Or heard a noise and found nothing when you went to investigate? Or felt a part of your house gave you the creepiest vibe? Have you seen an apparition?

All Hallows’ Eve, Hallowe’en, Day of the Dead, and Samhain all mark a time to honor our dead, This special time is just two weeks away. Samhain (pronounced SOW-win, sow like the female pig) especially is considered a liminal or threshold time when the boundary between our world and the Otherworld is thinnest, meaning spirits can come more easily into our world. And, like Day of the Dead, it’s believed that those who have passed come back seeking hospitality.

You don’t have to be Wiccan or have Celtic or Latinx roots to honor your dead loved ones this time of year.

If you have an altar in your home, place photos of your ancestors and pets who have died on it for the season. You can also add items that remind you of them such as a favorite flower, food, or book.

Set a place at the table for them on October 31st. You may also want to make this meal silent.

Take a moment to talk to those who have departed. Thank them for their contribution to your life. Ask them for any advice you want or need. Make sure you stay still long enough to hear the answer. You might also want to ask them for a sign to let you know when they are with you.

Or you can simply light candles or build a bonfire. Fire is the perfect way to celebrate as well as welcome in the colder months.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with ghosts. Were they a comfort to you? Or did they scare the pants off you?

Asking for What We Want

“We’re giving up alcohol Monday,” I told my husband, Chris. I had expected him to faint at this news.

I’ve had chronic pain for about three years now and recently went on an elimination diet to see if that would heal it. Chris has been kind enough to change his eating habits with me.

Instead of passing out, he said, “Good. I’ve been wanting to take a break from booze for a while.”

Now it was my turn wonder if we had smelling salts. “Why didn’t you say so?” I asked. He shrugged.

Why is it so hard to ask for what we want?

Who is it most difficult to ask for something? Someone you know well like a spouse or good friend? Someone you know less well like a coworker or neighbor? Yourself? Your angels and guides? Spirit?

Is it that we don’t want to hear no? But if we don’t ask, the result is the same as getting no for an answer—we don’t get what we would like.

Maybe we don’t want to appear weak or needy. I don’t need anyone. I can do this myself.

Or is it a fear of rejection if we show our authentic self?

Being true to our own self means the freedom to express our feelings and desires without worrying about pleasing or displeasing someone else. It means not wearing a mask to hide our vulnerability. That mask can leave us feeling anxious, empty, or depressed. And it leads to being out of touch with our true feelings.

How much better is it to say, Please help me make dinner. Or Could you stroke my hair? I’m feeling sad. Or This necklace is what I’d love for Christmas this year. Or I’d like to take a break from booze for a while and it would be easier if you did it with me. How about I’d like to discuss a 15% raise? I’m pretty sure no one ever got fired for asking for a raise.

If asking a friend, partner, coworker or boss feels too daunting, try asking Spirit. Last week I talked about how the best prayer is like a conversation. Ugh—my car is making a funny noise. Help me find a trustworthy mechanic. Spirit knows which ones are reputable.

Or ask your angels and spirit guides. Their sole purpose is to help you, and nothing makes them happier. This is something I do before I’m even out of bed in the morning.

Just remember that asking Spirit or your angels and guides doesn’t get you out of having to ask a human for what you want or need. Taking off the mask and being authentic means taking risks.

But look at how much happier we could all be if we had the help we so desperately needed.

Conversations with Spirit

Let’s talk about prayer. Do you pray?

I guess the first thing we need to do is figure out what prayer is.

There are stock prayers like the Jewish Shema, the Christian Lord’s Prayer, the Buddhist Refuge Prayer, and the Islamic Fatiha. I always find prayers like this to be like buying a greeting card for your lover instead of writing a love note yourself. There’s nothing wrong with Hallmark, but how much more meaningful is a personal message?

Sometimes we feel we have to be formal when we pray. We pull out the fancy, flowery language. But formality puts us at a distance from Spirit. Formality leads to distance and distance leads to feeling powerless. Feeling powerless can lead to resentment.

Feeling distant from Spirit also leaves us feeling alienated. But, as Rumi said, we are not a drop in the ocean, we are the ocean in a drop. Spirit dwells within us and we within Spirit.

Many religions call Spirit “beloved.”  How do we talk to the one we love the most? We excitedly talk about a new project. We bitch about traffic. We say I love you. We express gratitude. We have conversation after conversation.

Thank you is a powerful prayer. Thank you for the beautiful sunset. Thank you for all the love in my life. Thank you for the green light. Thank you for my favorite song coming on radio. Gratitude keeps the good things flowing to us.

Affirmations are also potent little prayers. I always know my next right step. And so we do. Money flows to me. And so it does.

Another simple and powerful prayer is to invite Spirit to be with us as we wake up each morning.

I encourage you to look at your view of prayer. Here are some questions that may help you.

  1. Do you believe in prayer? Why or why not?
  2. How do you feel if someone says they’ll pray for you?
  3. What types of prayer do you like? Standard ones from a faith community? One you learned as a child? One you’ve found as an adult? One you’ve written yourself?
  4. Do you pray for guidance? For help in difficult situations?
  5. Have you tried prayers of gratitude? Of praise? (Look at that moon! A cardinal right when I needed a sign! Free cupcakes!)
  6. Do you pray for friends? Family members? Strangers?
  7. Do you ever have conversations with Spirit?

Tell me how you pray. Or, if you don’t, I’d love to hear why.

When Breath Becomes Prayer

Let’s talk about prayer.

Wait! Don’t go!

Ok, let’s talk about breathing. Slow breathing, to be precise.

Seven books of the Chinese Tao written around 400 BCE focused entirely on breathing. How it could kill or heal us, depending on how we did it. There were detailed instructions on how to regulate the breath, slow it down, hold it, and swallow it.

Even earlier, Hindus, who considered breath and spirit the same thing, described elaborate practices to balance breathing and preserve both physical and mental health.

There were Buddhists who used breathing to lengthen their lives and to reach higher planes of consciousness.

Slow breathing goes by another name, prayer.

When Buddhists chant their most popular mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, each phrase lasts six seconds, with six seconds to inhale before starting again.

The chant Om, the “sacred sound of the universe” takes six seconds to sing with a pause of six seconds to inhale.

The best-known chant of Kundalini yoga is also done for six seconds with six seconds to inhale.

Japanese, Native American, Hawaiian, African, Taoist, and even Christian religions all developed the same prayer technique requiring the same breathing pattern.

The original Latin version of the rosary, the Ave Maria, is just a fraction shorter with a 5.5 second rhythm. This is the version with half being said by the priest and the other half by the congregation.

We can reap the benefits without the chanting or praying if we like, by deliberately slowing our breathing. If 5.5 seconds in and 5.5 seconds out is too long, start with three seconds in and out and work up to 5.5 seconds.

This differs from 5-5-5 breathing in two ways. First, there is no holding of the breath. And second, the inhalation and exhalation are each slightly longer.

Doing this for five to ten minutes a day can be transformative. Scientific studies have shown that slow breathing (also called resonant breathing or coherent breathing) offers the same benefits as meditating. It’s like a touch of prayer for people who don’t pray.

This week, give slow breathing a try. See if you don’t feel calmer, restored. Next week we’re going to talk about actual prayer. You won’t want to miss it.

So many books, so little time!

Fall is here! Do you miss going back to school? If you’re looking to learn something new, here are a few books you might want to check out.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
This is supposed to be a book to help you recover your creativity, but I have found it is a book for any sort of recovery: loss, trauma, connection to Spirit, or rediscovering yourself. This is a twelve-week program, but I found I wanted to continue with the exercises long after the three months were over. Cameron guides you gently toward a deeper spiritual connection, greater self-confidence, clarity, and comfort through what she calls “morning pages.”  This book transformed me. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

God: A Human History and Zealot both by Reza Aslan
It’s the history of God! In God: A Human History, religious scholar Aslan, shows how we have tried to make sense of the Divine since prehistoric times. And although this is a heavy topic, in Aslan’s hands, it becomes an enjoyable read.

Zealot is the biography of the historical (rather than biblical) Jesus. He separates the facts from the myths without diminishing Jesus’s conviction and passion. This book is so good, I read it twice.

Kitchen Table Tarot and Kitchen Table Magic both by Melissa Cynova
If you’re looking to learn about tarot or about witchy-woo magic, pull up a chair and join Cynova in these down-to-earth guides for beginners.

Prayer Is Good Medicine by Larry Dossey
I love a good double-blind study that shows how Spirit works miracles. But don’t think this book is stuffy. Dossy compares prayer to having a pet. They’re both someone to talk to, something that reduces stress, and something that promotes a sense of being loved unconditionally.

Breath by James Nestor
This book was recently recommended to me and I’ve been recommending it like crazy ever since. Guess what—you’re breathing all wrong. Guess what else—breath is prayer. More on that next week, but you might want to get a head start on me and pick up a copy now.

The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence by Deepak Chopra
You can’t go wrong with Chopra. All of his books are inspiring. This one is about the little miracles we experience: synchronicities. There’s some quantum physics, but it’s presented in an accessible way. I can learn how to harness coincidences to rewrite my future? Yes, please.

What book should I read next? Let me know your favorite spiritual book. 

Strength

Do you ever make a to-do list? And then, as you the items go from do to did, do you cross them off?

Have you ever done something that was not on the list, added it upon completion, and then crossed it off? It seems silly, doesn’t it?

We do it to experience the emotional high that crossing something off provides.

Our brains produce chemicals that cause us to feel different emotions. In the case of crossing something off the to-do list, it’s dopamine.

Another is serotonin. Most of our serotonin is in our intestines which is why we may lose weight when we fall in love. I have a friend who I swear falls in love just to drop five pounds.

Although we can explain our emotions with science, that doesn’t make them any less real. We’re still feeling all the feels—sadness, longing, happiness, disgust, surprise, and the rest of the gang.

The Strength card shows us the importance of taming rather than suppressing our emotions, and focusing them so that we can be powerful and productive. It encourages us to take a step back and observe what we’re feeling instead of reacting. Remembering that chemicals are responsible can help us take that step back.

If we start to cry in front of someone, what’s the first thing we do? Feel embarrassed? Try to stop? Apologize for crying? What if instead, we let the tears fall while taking a moment to notice what’s going on.

Ok, I’m crying. Sadness, what’s going on? And I feel embarrassed? Embarrassment, what’s up with that? On-coming apology, what’s your deal?

We can do this with any emotion, even if we’re not sure what which emotion it is.

I’ve recently started doing this. I’ve always struggled with anxiety. Even going to Target makes me anxious and I LOVE Target. Now, when I start to feel anxiety coming on, I step back and ask it what it’s anxious about. It literally takes a second. Note that I ask the emotion, not myself, what’s going on. I’m not to be trusted where emotions are concerned. I’m guessing few of us are.

When we take that moment to check in with the emotion, we give ourselves the opportunity to decide how we want to move forward. We tame the wild beast that is threatening to devour us. We might even become friends with it.

Make a Wish!

You’ve found an old oil lamp. It’s tarnished and dusty. But with a little elbow grease it’ll be as good as new. You start to polish it and POOF! A genie appears and offers you three wishes.

What do you want?

Seriously, what are your wishes? Stop reading this for a moment and list them. Even better, write them down.

Here’s what I want to know: Why does that stingy genie only offer three wishes?

In tarot, the wish card offers you nine cups to fill. Can you come up with nine things you’d like?

I recently pulled the 9 of Cups and I only had one wish. Perfect health. I want to be pain-free. I’d like all my health numbers like cholesterol, vitamin D levels, and triglycerides to be in the ideal range. I’m in pretty good shape for my age, but what if it could be even better?

And you? What’s your deepest desire?

Once you’ve named your wish, how can you help it find its way to you quickly?

First, write it down. That’s planting the seed. To water it, imagine what it would look and feel like to have your desire fulfilled. Jump on opportunities as they present themselves. But you know these steps. They’re the simple Law of Attraction.

What else can you do?

Extra fertilizer comes in the form of listing the ways your wish benefits others.

For me, being pain-free means being in a better mood which makes me more fun (even more fun!) to be around. When I am in perfect health, I have more energy and can play with my granddaughters. I can do my share of the household chores.

Here’s something else you can do to nourish the seed you’ve planted: metta meditation. This is also known as loving-kindness meditation. “Metta” means positive energy and kindness towards others in the Pali language of India. You can practice this on family members, friends, people who you find difficult, even strangers.

And although you can do it as part of a meditation, it can be done anywhere.

When you see someone pass your house, say, May you be happy. May you feel love.

While you drive, say to the people you see walking, May you be at peace.

At the store, send a metta message to your fellow shoppers. May you feel strong and confident.

Surrounding yourself with this positive energy has benefits beyond bringing you your desires. It promotes self-compassion. It decreases stress and anxiety. And, surprisingly, there’s evidence that it can reduce physical pain and improve longevity.

Make a wish (or nine) and then give metta meditation a try. Let me know how quickly your wish comes true.

What’s My Motivation Here?

“Do you work here?” a woman asked me. I said I did. “Why?” she asked. “You look like you should be in an office. Like at Snap-On.”

I was working at an orchard a few years ago when this scene took place. If you know me even a little, you know this is how my life works. This was the Universe saying, Hey, toots, go apply at Snap-On Tools.

But it didn’t stop there. A week later, another random woman gave me her card. “Snap-On Tools is hiring,” she said. “You should apply.”

So I did. And I made it through five (five!) rounds of interviews and… didn’t get the job.

WTH, Universe.

I know what Sprit was trying to tell me. I let my ego get in the way. I’m flattered when I’m asked to do something or offered an opportunity. And I’ll take it whether it’s the best thing for me or not. Do what’s for your highest good was the lesson. Did the job sound interesting? Not really. Did I like the hours? Not in the least. But I considered living with the unhappiness just to do a Sally Field impersonation. You like me! You really like me!

How many of us have done this? Someone asks for advice, and we give it because we’re tickled–You value my opinion!–not thinking that we may be attaching ourselves to a drama queen. We agree to go on a date with someone we don’t care for enough to see a second time. We might even accept a marriage proposal from someone we’re not crazy about. We purchase something we hadn’t intended to (and don’t need or even particularly want) because the salesperson knew just how to compliment us.

Our egos can make us contradict reality. Our egos can lead us to things that are not for our highest good.

Like an actor in a new role, we need to ask ourselves What’s my motivation here?

Or pull some cards.

The best way to do that is to break a decision down into options.

  1. Probable outcome if I take this job
  2. Probable outcome if I don’t
  3. … if I take it and keep looking

Or

  1. What are the pros of going on this date?
  2. The cons?
  3. The probable outcome?

Or

  1. How can this purchase serve my highest good?*
  2. How might it feed my shadow?
  3. What else do I need to know?

Our highest good is what keeps us growing, learning, and walking steadily towards our soul’s purpose.

Tarot spread for the full moon in Aquarius, 8-11-2022

Both the moon and Saturn are in Aquarius now. Aquarius represents humanity. Saturn teaches lessons. With this lunation, think globally.

This is also an excellent time to quit anything that isn’t serving you–a pattern, behavior, job, or person. What new possibilities are being presented to replace them? Pull some cards and find out.

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