It gets better.
Believe in yourself.
Floss your teeth.
Don’t marry young.
Buy Apple stock.
What would you say to your younger self in three words?
You’ve probably seen this question on Facebook. Some of the responses are heartfelt, others humorous. But my question is—
Would you have listened?
We were surrounded by adults telling us what to do. Get good grades. Go to college. Don’t do drugs. Get a job. Tell the truth. Don’t talk back.
What makes us think our younger self would pay any attention to our older self? Do we even take our own advice now?
Facing our flaws isn’t fun. Many of us start the new year by making resolutions and then realize that for as much as we’d like to be thin and toned, we’d prefer to not eat healthfully and exercise. Quitting smoking means changing your entire life to avoid the triggers to light up. Finding more time in the day means not watching TV in the evening.
Change stinks.
It’s hard. And when we change, the people around us balk. If we quit drinking, they may see us as no longer fun. If we lose weight, someone else may find us attractive. Our studying or going for a walk in the evening highlights their ass on the couch. Friends and family who initially cheered us on may start tempting us to resume our old ways.
How do I let others manipulate me into doing things that don’t really serve me? is a question that leads us to shadow work.
Shadow is a psychology term for the things we can’t see in ourselves. It’s the dark side of our personality.
We all prefer to show our best traits. It’s uncomfortable to admit, even to ourselves, we have flaws. But we can readily find the foibles in others.
Exploring our shadow leads to greater authenticity, creativity, and true maturity. Here are three exercises to help get you started. Get your journal or a sheet of paper and
- Make a list of five people you know well and three to five things about each person that bug the crap out of you. How are they annoying? Take a little break and then go back to the list and circle any of their irritating habits that you share maybe just a little bit.
- Center yourself and then ask the following questions.
- When do I play the victim?
- When do I play the martyr, sacrificing myself for another’s benefit?
- What has led me to feeling I have to say yes and to feel I have to please others?
- Am I able to give and receive love fully and freely?
- Who do I need to say something to? Why am I holding back?
- Do I fully trust my intuition? If not, who taught me not to? Why?
- When have I been solely focused on my ego rather than on what Spirit/the Universe/my higher self was telling me?
- Pull a tarot or oracle card while asking What am I not seeing in myself that causes me pain? Or what do I need to know in other to grow?
I find it helpful to write until I feel stumped and then come back to it again either a few hours later or the next day.
Have you done work like this before? If so, tell us what you learned about yourself. If not, would you be interested in learning more about shadow work? Comment below.