I’ve been a funeral celebrant for over twenty years. I’ve led memorial services in people’s homes, in unusual venues like the Cheney Mansion in Oak Park, Illinois, and the Morton Arboretum, as well as in funeral homes. The very first service was for my aunt’s husband. It was at the side of a lake in Florida.
Now that aunt is dead. I keep waiting for it to hit me. We were ten years apart and grew up like sisters.
There’s no service planned for her. My cousin and his wife had her cremated and will spread her ashes in the mountains in Arizona, a place she only lived for a few months.
I wonder how she would have liked to be remembered. To be honored.
When my husband and I set up our will and trust, we told our children to do whatever they wanted after we died, preferably whatever is least expensive. Have a service or don’t; we won’t care. We’ll be dead.
I do think that writing my own death notice would be fun.
Toni’s death was hastened by the abysmal condition of the Chicago Bears last season. She leaves behind her husband Chris, who she referred to as her “Little Pecorino,” her two children, who she tolerated through the years, and four grandchildren. Gianna was her favorite. As a wedding officiant, she married over five hundred couples and takes no responsibility for any divorces. At least she’s confident that her work as a funeral celebrant stuck. As a psychic, you’d think she’d have seen her death coming. In lieu of flowers, she asked that scratch-off tickets be handed out to strangers.
I also recently saw that someone had made View-Master reels of their mom. I’m pretty sure it was fake, but still. I think that would be a hoot. I even texted my kids, offering to set aside money for the viewers and to start gathering photos for the project.
All humor aside, it is important to honor our dead loved ones. Fewer and fewer people are having traditional funerals, instead opting for a “celebration of life” in a restaurant or bar. Without a service, it takes longer for the reality of death to set in.
Which is how I find myself not quite feeling like my aunt has died.