I went to my forty-fifth high school class reunion a couple of years ago. All the men looked pretty much the same— gray hair and a little less of it, a little more weight, some wrinkles, and glasses. Thank God they were wearing name tags. The women, on the other hand, did not look alike. Hair color ranged from natural gray to dyed blond and brown. Some faces had a few wrinkles, some looked like you could, as my friend Cheryl said, bounce a nickel off them.
We tell ourselves and each other that we’re enough. That we’re worthy. How much of that are we believing when we’re constantly trying to look younger than we are?
Even if we don’t spend money on Botox or fillers, how many of us shell out money for expensive face creams, dark-spot correctors, retinol, and anything with hyaluronic acid or some other exotic ingredient. Does hemp really have stem cells?
I still write letters to a friend I met in college. Last year, she retired from a high-level position at the National Institutes of Health. She bikes at least a hundred miles a week. She’s happily married. She’s socially active. She has hobbies. She recently wrote that she’s going to start using a retinol cream.
I want to know why.
She’s not applying for a job. She’s not looking for a lover. Why does she feel she needs to try to stop time in its tracks?
What makes her, us, feel like we’re not perfect as we are?
We all know the answer to that. Television, movies, and society value youth, especially in women. We lose relevance faster than men. I’m at the age where medical professionals see my birth year and ask if I need help filling out forms online. They pause longer when speaking to me, as if I’m going to tell them a story about what my cat did that morning.
I don’t hear men my age reporting the same experiences.
If we truly are enough, if we are really worthy, if we are perfect as we are, it’s time to stop trying to be someone else, someone who looks twenty years younger.
It’s time we women stopped lying to ourselves about our worth, especially as we grow older.
