Conversations with Spirit

Let’s talk about prayer. Do you pray?

I guess the first thing we need to do is figure out what prayer is.

There are stock prayers like the Jewish Shema, the Christian Lord’s Prayer, the Buddhist Refuge Prayer, and the Islamic Fatiha. I always find prayers like this to be like buying a greeting card for your lover instead of writing a love note yourself. There’s nothing wrong with Hallmark, but how much more meaningful is a personal message?

Sometimes we feel we have to be formal when we pray. We pull out the fancy, flowery language. But formality puts us at a distance from Spirit. Formality leads to distance and distance leads to feeling powerless. Feeling powerless can lead to resentment.

Feeling distant from Spirit also leaves us feeling alienated. But, as Rumi said, we are not a drop in the ocean, we are the ocean in a drop. Spirit dwells within us and we within Spirit.

Many religions call Spirit “beloved.”  How do we talk to the one we love the most? We excitedly talk about a new project. We bitch about traffic. We say I love you. We express gratitude. We have conversation after conversation.

Thank you is a powerful prayer. Thank you for the beautiful sunset. Thank you for all the love in my life. Thank you for the green light. Thank you for my favorite song coming on radio. Gratitude keeps the good things flowing to us.

Affirmations are also potent little prayers. I always know my next right step. And so we do. Money flows to me. And so it does.

Another simple and powerful prayer is to invite Spirit to be with us as we wake up each morning.

I encourage you to look at your view of prayer. Here are some questions that may help you.

  1. Do you believe in prayer? Why or why not?
  2. How do you feel if someone says they’ll pray for you?
  3. What types of prayer do you like? Standard ones from a faith community? One you learned as a child? One you’ve found as an adult? One you’ve written yourself?
  4. Do you pray for guidance? For help in difficult situations?
  5. Have you tried prayers of gratitude? Of praise? (Look at that moon! A cardinal right when I needed a sign! Free cupcakes!)
  6. Do you pray for friends? Family members? Strangers?
  7. Do you ever have conversations with Spirit?

Tell me how you pray. Or, if you don’t, I’d love to hear why.

When Breath Becomes Prayer

Let’s talk about prayer.

Wait! Don’t go!

Ok, let’s talk about breathing. Slow breathing, to be precise.

Seven books of the Chinese Tao written around 400 BCE focused entirely on breathing. How it could kill or heal us, depending on how we did it. There were detailed instructions on how to regulate the breath, slow it down, hold it, and swallow it.

Even earlier, Hindus, who considered breath and spirit the same thing, described elaborate practices to balance breathing and preserve both physical and mental health.

There were Buddhists who used breathing to lengthen their lives and to reach higher planes of consciousness.

Slow breathing goes by another name, prayer.

When Buddhists chant their most popular mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, each phrase lasts six seconds, with six seconds to inhale before starting again.

The chant Om, the “sacred sound of the universe” takes six seconds to sing with a pause of six seconds to inhale.

The best-known chant of Kundalini yoga is also done for six seconds with six seconds to inhale.

Japanese, Native American, Hawaiian, African, Taoist, and even Christian religions all developed the same prayer technique requiring the same breathing pattern.

The original Latin version of the rosary, the Ave Maria, is just a fraction shorter with a 5.5 second rhythm. This is the version with half being said by the priest and the other half by the congregation.

We can reap the benefits without the chanting or praying if we like, by deliberately slowing our breathing. If 5.5 seconds in and 5.5 seconds out is too long, start with three seconds in and out and work up to 5.5 seconds.

This differs from 5-5-5 breathing in two ways. First, there is no holding of the breath. And second, the inhalation and exhalation are each slightly longer.

Doing this for five to ten minutes a day can be transformative. Scientific studies have shown that slow breathing (also called resonant breathing or coherent breathing) offers the same benefits as meditating. It’s like a touch of prayer for people who don’t pray.

This week, give slow breathing a try. See if you don’t feel calmer, restored. Next week we’re going to talk about actual prayer. You won’t want to miss it.

So many books, so little time!

Fall is here! Do you miss going back to school? If you’re looking to learn something new, here are a few books you might want to check out.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
This is supposed to be a book to help you recover your creativity, but I have found it is a book for any sort of recovery: loss, trauma, connection to Spirit, or rediscovering yourself. This is a twelve-week program, but I found I wanted to continue with the exercises long after the three months were over. Cameron guides you gently toward a deeper spiritual connection, greater self-confidence, clarity, and comfort through what she calls “morning pages.”  This book transformed me. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

God: A Human History and Zealot both by Reza Aslan
It’s the history of God! In God: A Human History, religious scholar Aslan, shows how we have tried to make sense of the Divine since prehistoric times. And although this is a heavy topic, in Aslan’s hands, it becomes an enjoyable read.

Zealot is the biography of the historical (rather than biblical) Jesus. He separates the facts from the myths without diminishing Jesus’s conviction and passion. This book is so good, I read it twice.

Kitchen Table Tarot and Kitchen Table Magic both by Melissa Cynova
If you’re looking to learn about tarot or about witchy-woo magic, pull up a chair and join Cynova in these down-to-earth guides for beginners.

Prayer Is Good Medicine by Larry Dossey
I love a good double-blind study that shows how Spirit works miracles. But don’t think this book is stuffy. Dossy compares prayer to having a pet. They’re both someone to talk to, something that reduces stress, and something that promotes a sense of being loved unconditionally.

Breath by James Nestor
This book was recently recommended to me and I’ve been recommending it like crazy ever since. Guess what—you’re breathing all wrong. Guess what else—breath is prayer. More on that next week, but you might want to get a head start on me and pick up a copy now.

The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence by Deepak Chopra
You can’t go wrong with Chopra. All of his books are inspiring. This one is about the little miracles we experience: synchronicities. There’s some quantum physics, but it’s presented in an accessible way. I can learn how to harness coincidences to rewrite my future? Yes, please.

What book should I read next? Let me know your favorite spiritual book. 

Strength

Do you ever make a to-do list? And then, as you the items go from do to did, do you cross them off?

Have you ever done something that was not on the list, added it upon completion, and then crossed it off? It seems silly, doesn’t it?

We do it to experience the emotional high that crossing something off provides.

Our brains produce chemicals that cause us to feel different emotions. In the case of crossing something off the to-do list, it’s dopamine.

Another is serotonin. Most of our serotonin is in our intestines which is why we may lose weight when we fall in love. I have a friend who I swear falls in love just to drop five pounds.

Although we can explain our emotions with science, that doesn’t make them any less real. We’re still feeling all the feels—sadness, longing, happiness, disgust, surprise, and the rest of the gang.

The Strength card shows us the importance of taming rather than suppressing our emotions, and focusing them so that we can be powerful and productive. It encourages us to take a step back and observe what we’re feeling instead of reacting. Remembering that chemicals are responsible can help us take that step back.

If we start to cry in front of someone, what’s the first thing we do? Feel embarrassed? Try to stop? Apologize for crying? What if instead, we let the tears fall while taking a moment to notice what’s going on.

Ok, I’m crying. Sadness, what’s going on? And I feel embarrassed? Embarrassment, what’s up with that? On-coming apology, what’s your deal?

We can do this with any emotion, even if we’re not sure what which emotion it is.

I’ve recently started doing this. I’ve always struggled with anxiety. Even going to Target makes me anxious and I LOVE Target. Now, when I start to feel anxiety coming on, I step back and ask it what it’s anxious about. It literally takes a second. Note that I ask the emotion, not myself, what’s going on. I’m not to be trusted where emotions are concerned. I’m guessing few of us are.

When we take that moment to check in with the emotion, we give ourselves the opportunity to decide how we want to move forward. We tame the wild beast that is threatening to devour us. We might even become friends with it.

Make a Wish!

You’ve found an old oil lamp. It’s tarnished and dusty. But with a little elbow grease it’ll be as good as new. You start to polish it and POOF! A genie appears and offers you three wishes.

What do you want?

Seriously, what are your wishes? Stop reading this for a moment and list them. Even better, write them down.

Here’s what I want to know: Why does that stingy genie only offer three wishes?

In tarot, the wish card offers you nine cups to fill. Can you come up with nine things you’d like?

I recently pulled the 9 of Cups and I only had one wish. Perfect health. I want to be pain-free. I’d like all my health numbers like cholesterol, vitamin D levels, and triglycerides to be in the ideal range. I’m in pretty good shape for my age, but what if it could be even better?

And you? What’s your deepest desire?

Once you’ve named your wish, how can you help it find its way to you quickly?

First, write it down. That’s planting the seed. To water it, imagine what it would look and feel like to have your desire fulfilled. Jump on opportunities as they present themselves. But you know these steps. They’re the simple Law of Attraction.

What else can you do?

Extra fertilizer comes in the form of listing the ways your wish benefits others.

For me, being pain-free means being in a better mood which makes me more fun (even more fun!) to be around. When I am in perfect health, I have more energy and can play with my granddaughters. I can do my share of the household chores.

Here’s something else you can do to nourish the seed you’ve planted: metta meditation. This is also known as loving-kindness meditation. “Metta” means positive energy and kindness towards others in the Pali language of India. You can practice this on family members, friends, people who you find difficult, even strangers.

And although you can do it as part of a meditation, it can be done anywhere.

When you see someone pass your house, say, May you be happy. May you feel love.

While you drive, say to the people you see walking, May you be at peace.

At the store, send a metta message to your fellow shoppers. May you feel strong and confident.

Surrounding yourself with this positive energy has benefits beyond bringing you your desires. It promotes self-compassion. It decreases stress and anxiety. And, surprisingly, there’s evidence that it can reduce physical pain and improve longevity.

Make a wish (or nine) and then give metta meditation a try. Let me know how quickly your wish comes true.

What’s My Motivation Here?

“Do you work here?” a woman asked me. I said I did. “Why?” she asked. “You look like you should be in an office. Like at Snap-On.”

I was working at an orchard a few years ago when this scene took place. If you know me even a little, you know this is how my life works. This was the Universe saying, Hey, toots, go apply at Snap-On Tools.

But it didn’t stop there. A week later, another random woman gave me her card. “Snap-On Tools is hiring,” she said. “You should apply.”

So I did. And I made it through five (five!) rounds of interviews and… didn’t get the job.

WTH, Universe.

I know what Sprit was trying to tell me. I let my ego get in the way. I’m flattered when I’m asked to do something or offered an opportunity. And I’ll take it whether it’s the best thing for me or not. Do what’s for your highest good was the lesson. Did the job sound interesting? Not really. Did I like the hours? Not in the least. But I considered living with the unhappiness just to do a Sally Field impersonation. You like me! You really like me!

How many of us have done this? Someone asks for advice, and we give it because we’re tickled–You value my opinion!–not thinking that we may be attaching ourselves to a drama queen. We agree to go on a date with someone we don’t care for enough to see a second time. We might even accept a marriage proposal from someone we’re not crazy about. We purchase something we hadn’t intended to (and don’t need or even particularly want) because the salesperson knew just how to compliment us.

Our egos can make us contradict reality. Our egos can lead us to things that are not for our highest good.

Like an actor in a new role, we need to ask ourselves What’s my motivation here?

Or pull some cards.

The best way to do that is to break a decision down into options.

  1. Probable outcome if I take this job
  2. Probable outcome if I don’t
  3. … if I take it and keep looking

Or

  1. What are the pros of going on this date?
  2. The cons?
  3. The probable outcome?

Or

  1. How can this purchase serve my highest good?*
  2. How might it feed my shadow?
  3. What else do I need to know?

Our highest good is what keeps us growing, learning, and walking steadily towards our soul’s purpose.

Tarot spread for the full moon in Aquarius, 8-11-2022

Both the moon and Saturn are in Aquarius now. Aquarius represents humanity. Saturn teaches lessons. With this lunation, think globally.

This is also an excellent time to quit anything that isn’t serving you–a pattern, behavior, job, or person. What new possibilities are being presented to replace them? Pull some cards and find out.

You Be You

Betty

“Betty’s so cute,” I gushed.

I was at a café with a friend. My husband and I had just gotten a puppy. “Except she hasn’t figured out that peeing in the house is frowned upon.”

“Shhhhh!” my friend scolded.

My friend, now ex-friend, shushed me in public. Like I was a toddler. I wasn’t being loud. And I hardly think I was being crass. WTH.

Why do relationships go south? Sounds like a question with a complicated answer, doesn’t it? It’s not.

When we are not comfortable being ourselves, we get prickly. And the opposite is true. When we don’t allow the people in our lives to be authentic, things start to unravel.

Have you heard of Byron Katie? She’s a wise woman who encourages loving what is and has a method to help people do that.

Basically, she says you can’t change anyone. And if you want to, what you’re doing is not loving the person as they are. You’re asking them to pretend to be someone else.

We certainly don’t want anyone to ask us to pretend to be somebody else. We can’t expect them to pretend either. And there is no should.  There is only reality.

“She shouldn’t be so competitive.”
“He should know what I want.”
“She shouldn’t go out with friends so often.”
“He should be less crabby in the morning.”

Except she is competitive, he doesn’t know what you want, she does see her friends a lot, and he’s not a morning person.

Love them as they are. Love who they are.

I’m not suggesting we be doormats. We can express how we feel. We can tell someone how their behavior affects us. But without expectations. If we decide we would be happier without that person in our lives, we can leave the relationship.

Asking someone to pretend to be someone they’re not is like asking a spoon to be a banana. If we wanted a banana, the spoon wasn’t the right choice.

I broke off my friendship with The Shusher. It felt like she had been on a decades-long quest to improve me. That “shhh!” was the straw that frosted the camel’s ass. I had accepted her when she seemed a little crazy. That’s just The Shusher, I’d think. I didn’t see a need to change for her. I like who I am.

We are each unique. We long to be accepted, not in spite of our quirks but because of them. We want to express our authentic natures.

So, you be you. If someone doesn’t love who you truly are, move on. Because imagine the joy of finding someone who loves you just as you are.

Is Your Spiritual Life Fun?

Have you ever been in a relationship that started to go south?

Of course you have. So have I. Plenty.

And what do we do when we’re no longer having fun with someone, when it starts to feel like work?

We decide we need to work harder.

Huh? How does that make any sense?

We do the same thing with Spirit. We feel distant, cut off, separate and we conclude the best thing to do is to make a commitment to a spiritual routine. We’ll meditate for twenty minutes a day. Or we’ll get some books by Caroline Myss and Ekhart Tolle.

Except we hate meditating. And Myss and Tolle bore us to tears.

Just like that relationship that was nearing its last gasp, what’s needed here isn’t more work.

We need to be having more fun.

Spirit would love to go for a walk with us. Or sit on the beach. Or take the dog to the dog park and watch all the puppies. Or do a jigsaw puzzle.

Forcing ourselves to meditate is like doing Spirit’s laundry. Guess what—Spirit can do its own laundry (just like our ex could but we took it on because… Why did we take that on?)

Think of how a relationship starts. We sit and talk and laugh with someone. We try axe throwing or a new restaurant or painting pottery. We see how much we have in common. We delight in our differences, too—not so that we can change to be more like the other person but because we enjoy how who they are combines with who we are.

So if you’re feeling like your connection to Sprit could use a boost, take yourself out on a date with Spirit. Go somewhere you’ve been wanting to go. Some place fun. Spirit doesn’t want to be solemn any more than you do. Spirit doesn’t love misery and would prefer that you not feel miserable.

Make a key lime pie. Go to the zoo and watch the sea lions. Sit outside and enjoy the sunset, just you and Spirit.

You can make dates with Spirit a regular thing. But only if it never feels like a chore.

You are a multiverse

As I’m writing this, another me in another universe somewhere may be writing about pineapple upside down cake. And in another universe somewhere, my doppelgänger might be eating pineapple upside down cake. And still another me in another universe might own an upside-down pineapple plantation.

You’ve most likely heard of the multiverse, maybe even seen a movie like Benedict Cumberbatch’s latest Marvel adventure, Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

The scientific theory behind the multiverse is complicated, but simplified it says that if there are an infinity of universes but only a finite way to arrange the particles in each individual universe, then the same patterns are bound to be repeated eventually. Which means in some distant universe there is likely another you sitting there reading this exact newsletter.  And if the particles are arranged slightly differently, you might be reading a newsletter written by me about pineapples.

Which, so far, this kind of is.

But let’s bring it down to a more personal and understandable level.

When I had one of my first jobs, a friend worked at the same place, although never on the same days. Someone asked her if I ever talked. My friend laughed and laughed. Does she ever talk? More like does she ever shut up.

Think about the way your mother thinks of you. What words would she use to describe you? Independent? Dramatic? Picky?

Now think of your best friend. How does he or she see you? Hilarious? Adventurous? Practical?

Expand it further. Your sister. Your brother. Your boss. A coworker you get along with. A neighbor you annoy. A neighbor who annoys you. The checker at the grocery store who sees you once a week.

We have different interactions and experiences with everyone we meet. Each person has their unique, unshakable opinion of who we are. If we’re snippy with someone the first time we meet them, there is little we can do later to convince them we’re friendly. And that’s ok, because we are both.

We are light. We are shadow. We are masculine and feminine. We are vulnerable and strong. We are human and spirit.

We are a multiverse.

If this concept intrigues you, I highly recommend the movie Coherence. It’s described as a “surreal science fiction psychological thriller.” But I say watch it and decide for yourself.

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