“Betty’s so cute,” I gushed.

I was at a café with a friend. My husband and I had just gotten a puppy. “Except she hasn’t figured out that peeing in the house is frowned upon.”

“Shhhhh!” my friend scolded.

My friend, now ex-friend, shushed me in public. Like I was a toddler. I wasn’t being loud. And I hardly think I was being crass. WTH.

Why do relationships go south? Sounds like a question with a complicated answer, doesn’t it? It’s not.

When we are not comfortable being ourselves, we get prickly. And the opposite is true. When we don’t allow the people in our lives to be authentic, things start to unravel.

Have you heard of Byron Katie? She’s a wise woman who encourages loving what is and has a method to help people do that.

Basically, she says you can’t change anyone. And if you want to, what you’re doing is not loving the person as they are. You’re asking them to pretend to be someone else.

We certainly don’t want anyone to ask us to pretend to be somebody else. We can’t expect them to pretend either. And there is no should.  There is only reality.

“She shouldn’t be so competitive.”
“He should know what I want.”
“She shouldn’t go out with friends so often.”
“He should be less crabby in the morning.”

Except she is competitive, he doesn’t know what you want, she does see her friends a lot, and he’s not a morning person.

Love them as they are. Love who they are.

I’m not suggesting we be doormats. We can express how we feel. We can tell someone how their behavior affects us. But without expectations. If we decide we would be happier without that person in our lives, we can leave the relationship.

Asking someone to pretend to be someone they’re not is like asking a spoon to be a banana. If we wanted a banana, the spoon wasn’t the right choice.

I broke off my friendship with The Shusher. It felt like she had been on a decades-long quest to improve me. That “shhh!” was the straw that frosted the camel’s ass. I had accepted her when she seemed a little crazy. That’s just The Shusher, I’d think. I didn’t see a need to change for her. I like who I am.

We are each unique. We long to be accepted, not in spite of our quirks but because of them. We want to express our authentic natures.

So, you be you. If someone doesn’t love who you truly are, move on. Because imagine the joy of finding someone who loves you just as you are.

Have you ever been in a relationship that started to go south?

Of course you have. So have I. Plenty.

And what do we do when we’re no longer having fun with someone, when it starts to feel like work?

We decide we need to work harder.

Huh? How does that make any sense?

We do the same thing with Spirit. We feel distant, cut off, separate and we conclude the best thing to do is to make a commitment to a spiritual routine. We’ll meditate for twenty minutes a day. Or we’ll get some books by Caroline Myss and Ekhart Tolle.

Except we hate meditating. And Myss and Tolle bore us to tears.

Just like that relationship that was nearing its last gasp, what’s needed here isn’t more work.

We need to be having more fun.

Spirit would love to go for a walk with us. Or sit on the beach. Or take the dog to the dog park and watch all the puppies. Or do a jigsaw puzzle.

Forcing ourselves to meditate is like doing Spirit’s laundry. Guess what—Spirit can do its own laundry (just like our ex could but we took it on because… Why did we take that on?)

Think of how a relationship starts. We sit and talk and laugh with someone. We try axe throwing or a new restaurant or painting pottery. We see how much we have in common. We delight in our differences, too—not so that we can change to be more like the other person but because we enjoy how who they are combines with who we are.

So if you’re feeling like your connection to Sprit could use a boost, take yourself out on a date with Spirit. Go somewhere you’ve been wanting to go. Some place fun. Spirit doesn’t want to be solemn any more than you do. Spirit doesn’t love misery and would prefer that you not feel miserable.

Make a key lime pie. Go to the zoo and watch the sea lions. Sit outside and enjoy the sunset, just you and Spirit.

You can make dates with Spirit a regular thing. But only if it never feels like a chore.

As I’m writing this, another me in another universe somewhere may be writing about pineapple upside down cake. And in another universe somewhere, my doppelgänger might be eating pineapple upside down cake. And still another me in another universe might own an upside-down pineapple plantation.

You’ve most likely heard of the multiverse, maybe even seen a movie like Benedict Cumberbatch’s latest Marvel adventure, Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

The scientific theory behind the multiverse is complicated, but simplified it says that if there are an infinity of universes but only a finite way to arrange the particles in each individual universe, then the same patterns are bound to be repeated eventually. Which means in some distant universe there is likely another you sitting there reading this exact newsletter.  And if the particles are arranged slightly differently, you might be reading a newsletter written by me about pineapples.

Which, so far, this kind of is.

But let’s bring it down to a more personal and understandable level.

When I had one of my first jobs, a friend worked at the same place, although never on the same days. Someone asked her if I ever talked. My friend laughed and laughed. Does she ever talk? More like does she ever shut up.

Think about the way your mother thinks of you. What words would she use to describe you? Independent? Dramatic? Picky?

Now think of your best friend. How does he or she see you? Hilarious? Adventurous? Practical?

Expand it further. Your sister. Your brother. Your boss. A coworker you get along with. A neighbor you annoy. A neighbor who annoys you. The checker at the grocery store who sees you once a week.

We have different interactions and experiences with everyone we meet. Each person has their unique, unshakable opinion of who we are. If we’re snippy with someone the first time we meet them, there is little we can do later to convince them we’re friendly. And that’s ok, because we are both.

We are light. We are shadow. We are masculine and feminine. We are vulnerable and strong. We are human and spirit.

We are a multiverse.

If this concept intrigues you, I highly recommend the movie Coherence. It’s described as a “surreal science fiction psychological thriller.” But I say watch it and decide for yourself.

Make sure any intentions you set with this new moon are made with your heart and not your ego. This new moon is fiery and feisty! Watch your words and don’t say or do anything you know you’ll regret.

This is also the perfect time to purge. When in doubt, chuck it out! Possessions, people, patterns–whatever either no longer serves you or never even did.

And pull some cards. Here’s a spread to get you going.

The full moon in Capricorn is the perfect time to reflect on how far you’ve come this year and where you still want to go. Capricorn gets it done. If you’ve been putting off accomplishing something big, now is the time to kick it into gear.

This is also a great time to detox. Who needs to be let go? What are you putting into your body that isn’t healthy? What habits should get the boot? How can you declutter your house? Start the detox on July 13th. You can do one day, three days or until the new moon on July 28th.

An elephant family reunion, pogo stick market research, an Irish dance marathon, a floor-pacing how-to seminar, a clogging competition and a clodhopper focus group.

I was in a hotel where I swear all those things were happening simultaneously on the floor above me. All when my startle response was at an all-time high.

I have PTSD. Sometimes it’s manageable. Other times it feels like it’s trying to eat me alive. I’ve been working steadily to heal for years, each summer making a little more progress.

You know that feeling when you narrowly miss crashing into another car? The slightest stress can make me feel that way. Having to go to the store. Needing to talk on the phone. Hearing a siren. That elephant reunion. And then the jangly, anxious feeling doesn’t go away. PTSD affects both the quantity and the signaling of norepinephrine in the brain, which is a fancy way of saying I feel like I narrowly missed that car crash for days, even weeks.

This then triggers a fight-or-flight response. Or fight and flight response. I realize this is hard on my loved ones. I wish they knew it’s much more difficult for me. I can understand they want me to relax. To calm down. That I seem over the top. I need them to understand what is happening inside me is much more intense than what they’re seeing.

But I’ve discovered we can change the seemingly impossible-to-change.

How do you feel about karma? What do you believe it is?

I believe that karma is a balancing of energy and patterns from past lives. It’s not a punishment, it’s a choice. In each life we do things that hurt others or ourselves. When we die, at some point we realize the mistakes we made. When it’s time to come back and have another human experience, we decide how we’re going to offset that harm.

For example, if I were a controlling man in a past life, one who needed his dinner on the table at 6:00 each evening, who demanded his boxer shorts be ironed, had to have everything just so, I might see what this did to those around me, especially my wife. For my next life, I might choose to be someone subservient. The trick is to learn the lesson rather than perpetuate the cycle.

Karma is a very deep subject, and this example is almost an oversimplification, but you can see how it works. Our job in this life is to learn what we came here to learn. To balance what is out of balance.

How?

I am currently working with two powerful systems of change. One is opening the Akashic records, seeing your past lives and the mistakes you made and then altering the past. It’s like illuminated time travel. The other is called the Quantum Breakthrough Code. This is a simple method of decoding and then recoding patterns and behaviors.

I’ve had tremendous success both with myself and with clients. I’m currently working on my PTSD with these systems. That is more deeply entrenched but I’m confident I can minimize if not completely irradicate it.

Would you like to give it a try? What would you change if you could? Your weight? Chronic pain? A pattern of people-pleasing? Do you attract the wrong partners? Are you often betrayed? Or abandoned? Reply to this email and we’ll set up a time to talk. I know you’ll be amazed.

In the meantime, to everyone who has had to live with my over-the-top-ness, please be patient with me. I’m working as fast as I can and doing my best in the meantime.

This new moon in Cancer focuses on home, family, and community. How can you make your living space more homelike? What can you do with your family that’s fun? What ancestral wounds need healing? How can you make a greater positive impact on your community?

“Oh, my god, that dress tastes like a Creamsicle! And her sweater tastes like raspberries folded into whipped cream!” I exclaimed while watching Call the Midwife last week.

You may have heard of the Silva Mind Control Method. Basically, it’s a course to enhance your intuition. I started it a couple of weeks ago and it has kicked my synesthesia into high gear.

Synesthesia is experiencing one emotion through another. You might see a color while listening to music, for example. Or taste the colors that you’re seeing.

It may sound unusual, but most people experience synesthesia to some degree, typically with emotions.

You may be surprised to know that there have been multiple studies of the taste-emotion association. When asked, people described love as sweet and jealousy as sour, for example.

Interestingly, the taste of food helped produce certain emotions. After eating something sweet, participants in the study were more inclined to show leniency and to help others.

And it worked the other direction as well.  After reading stories of moral transgression, study participants said neutral water tasted disgusting. And feeling a sense of gratitude triggered a higher preference for sweet foods.

Our emotional state is further influenced by colors that we see, aromas we smell (witness the current popularity of essential oil diffusers), and noises around us.

On top of all that, if you’re sensitive to the emotions of others, you’re doomed.

Ok, not necessarily doomed.

But it can be hard to separate what we’re genuinely feeling from our environmental influences. This is one reason a spiritual practice such as meditation is beneficial. It can help us separate our true emotions from what we’re picking up from our environment.

Or maybe be sure to always have some cookies on hand.

This full moon, the strawberry moon, is all about optimism and refusing to accept limitations. But with the moon’s sextile with Saturn and square to Neptune, you may feel a need for stability. Try each out and see which feels best.

Explore and define your truth, but be logical and rational. Express your emotions, but avoid melodrama.

But more than anything else, shoot for the moon. What impossible thing now seems possible? Do it!

When I was three, my dad and I passed a house that had more dandelions than grass. “They’re the luckiest!” I gushed. My father laughed. They were the seasonal bane of his existence.

Each spring, as dandelions pop up in out front lawn, I still think they’re glorious. 

Did you know that dandelions are both medicinal and magical?

On the practical side, the sap from the stems can be used to cure warts. Dandelion leaves can be dried and made into a tea to aid digestion. In the past, a tincture made by steeping the flowers, roots, and leaves was believed to strengthen the liver. The leaves have long been used in salads and are believed to stimulate the appetite.

I’ve even made soap with dandelions to help treat my eczema.

Tea made from the plant’s root is said to increase psychic abilities like psychic dreaming and divination.

There are superstitions and magical beliefs that we all know, like blowing the seeds to make a wish come true.

Here’s something you can try as the flowers go to seed.

Sit among the flowers and think of a habit you would like to change like stress-eating, nail biting, poor sleep hygiene, or excessive negativity.  Draw all the little parts of it from through your being and visualize this habit gathering into your heart center. Now, pick a dandelion that has a perfect circle of seeds on top of tis stem. Take a deep breath and blow. See the habit exiting your body with your exhalation. Then watch as the dandelion seeds carry it away from you. Inhale, a fresh cleansing breath. Visualize the air rushing in, filling all the spaces the old habit resided with pure, positive energy.

And, as long as you’re sitting there, pluck another one and make a wish.