In 2008, my daughter’s husband left her abruptly with the words, “I can’t do this anymore.” She had no car, no job, no bank account. She did have a toddler and an infant. This was a dark time for her.

Obviously, it was easier for me than for her, but I had to be there for her like never before, which included taking care of my granddaughters. I loved spending time with them, but twelve hours a day left me in tears many times.

Not coincidentally, in 2008, Pluto entered Capricorn. Pluto is the planet of transformation; it’s about destruction and renewal. Moving through Capricorn, it has forced us to face our deepest fears. On September 2, Pluto stationed retrograde and will be there until November 19^th. This is a powerful time to clear out your emotional baggage.

Pluto won’t be in Capricorn again until 2254—long after we’re all dead. Use this energy now, before Pluto moves on.

The best way to work with this cosmic energy is to see where Pluto is in your chart. Don’t know? Click here.

For me, Pluto is in Virgo in my first house.

Here’s a chart of the houses.

And here are the signs.

I have Pluto in my first house, which is in Virgo. I need to sort out any blocks to my personal well-being and my physical health. Oof—that hits home. My body has been a wreck lately. I should also look at my deep self-awareness and my drive for self-improvement. Am I overly focused on me, me, me? (My last couple of blog posts point to yes).

The emotional baggage surrounding all this, what needs to be cleared out, is the way my family of origin treated both illness and ego. We had to be practically dead to stay home from school and then all you got was tea and dry toast. We simply weren’t allowed to be sick. We also had to do what was best for the group. There was no consideration for individual concerns. Well, I should speak for myself. I was the oldest and had to take care of my siblings while my mother went back to school. Which brings the story full circle–taking care of other people’s children.

Look at your chart and see where you can use this intense Pluto retrograde energy.

Washington Island, which lies in Lake Michigan off the tip of Wisconsin, has a beach covered with smooth stones instead of sand. It’s unique and beautiful. It’s also illegal to take the stones as souvenirs, but even a fine of $250 per stone doesn’t stop tourists from pilfering them.

A few years ago, a box with no return address was sent to Washington Island’s police department. It contained three stones and a note that read Please return to Schoolhouse Beach.

Whoever took those rocks had a nagging conscience. They felt guilty. Maybe even worse.

This reminded me of two beautiful books my ex left behind when he took his things as we split up. Those books sat on my bookshelf for close to two decades before I finally sent them to him. It wasn’t from guilt as much as a sense of restoring order. And wanting to get his energy back where it belonged.

How often do we hang onto things that aren’t ours? I have a friend who held onto things from her ex out of spite. But he didn’t remember she had his stuff, so it was only prolonging her grudge; it wasn’t hurting him.

We also hang onto energy for longer than we should. We replay arguments in our head. We remember slights done to us, as well times we’ve slighted people. For years, I felt horrible about the time I lost my sister at Six Flags. I labeled myself the Worst Sister Ever. I mentioned it to her decades later, expecting her to tell me how I had ruined her childhood. Guess what—she didn’t even remember it.

What do you need to return? Something from a national park that you took? Something you borrowed and never gave back? Mail the item. Or hand it back in person.

Do you need to send back some energy that you’re hanging onto? Get into a relaxed, meditative state, visualize the person whose energy you’re holding onto and say I return to you all that is yours with light and love. See the energy whooshing back and then see yourself cutting the cord that has been binding you. If it’s guilt you’re hanging onto, can you find the courage to talk to whoever you hurt and apologize?

Like me, you may find that you’ve attached more significance to the incident than they have. In any case, you’ll feel lighter and freer.

Oh, I used to be disgusted
Now I try to be amused…

I used to love that song. I still do.

Back in college, when I’d put on Elvis Costello’s My Aim Is True album and he sang about the angels wanting to wear his red shoes, my roommate told me that those were my only two emotions—disgust and amusement. I’m not so sure about that, but I know I wasn’t allowing all my feelings to surface. I was in a dark place then.

I have a few clients who also experienced trauma and are similarly cut off from their emotions. One of them described it as being emotionally constipated. She found it impossible to describe what she was feeling because, honestly, she wasn’t feeling. Her spirit guides suggested she get a paper calendar and mark each day with an up arrow, a flat line, or a down arrow to show her mood until she was better able to recognize her emotions.

After a few months of that, I sent her an emotions wheel. It’s a great tool. You start in the center and work with the seven emotions there. Once you’re able to distinguish which basic emotion you feel, you can move out to the next ring. And before you know it, you can identify nuanced emotions like indignation, powerlessness, curiosity, and joyfulness.

This set of Venn diagrams found its way into my inbox a couple of weeks ago. I love how it mixes emotions together and shows the resulting combination.

And finally, here are some emotions you may feel but didn’t know how to explain.

• Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
• Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head (raises hand, guilty!).
• Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster—to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.
• Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.
• Mauerbauertrauigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.
• Opia: The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which is simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
• Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

And lastly, my favorite,

• Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.

My friend Sharon Blue wrote a book called Self-Care is NOT a Bubble Bath. And, for the most part, I agree with her. It can certainly fit into a self-care routine, but it’s not going to erase grief, pain, or trauma.

I’ve talked before about having post-traumatic stress disorder. This time of year can be extremely challenging for me. The hot weather can make my PTSD symptoms worse. I spend most days trying to keep my adreneline from spiking because it can take days for it to go back to normal. Meanwhile, I’m not sleeping and, if I do sleep, I’m having nightmares.

This summer, I decided to do something different. I’m embracing radical self-care. I’m giving myself permission to stay in bed as late as I like in the mornings. Ok, late for me is 6:00, but it gives me a chance to do some progressive body relaxation before I get up. I am not worrying about what I eat. There will be plenty of time to lose weight when the temperature goes down in the fall. I am saying no to social engagements if I think they are going to be stressful (P.S. They are almost always stressful for me). I have not gotten behind the wheel of my car when I feel like dealing with traffic might be too much.

Even a year ago, I would never have taken such measures. Not drive? What am I, weak? Buck up! Do what has to be done!

I even decided to work with a gut-health specialist to see if I couldn’t reduce the gastric distress caused by the vagus nerve. (That’s a complex subject and maybe a topic for another day.) But meeting with my coach left me feeling anxious, like I hadn’t studied for a quiz, so I decided it wasn’t worth it. As a radical act of self-care, I surprised myself and fired her.

Where in your life do you need extreme gentleness with yourself? What needs to go? When do you need to say no? Where should you stop volunteering to help?

If you’re like me, you like to help the people you love. You hate saying no when someone asks for something. You never want to appear weak. ? If I died tomorrow, the world would keep on spinning, so I am indeed expendable. So are you. Stop killing yourself thinking you aren’t. Practice radical self-care.

After twenty-six years of marriage, I finally told my husband my dark secret. I cannot grow zucchini. I’ve tried, believe me. I get flowers, but never any squash. While others have zucchini the size of the Goodyear blimp, I got nuthin’.

We all come into this world finding some things easy. My husband draws well and plays various musical instruments. My daughter-in-law sings so beautifully, I cried the first time I heard her. My granddaughter is a basketball phenom.

We also seem to be born with things we can’t do. Have you ever met someone whose cooking is terrible no matter how hard they try? Or someone who can’t get the hang of angle parking (let alone parallel parking)? Put my zucchini impairment in that category.

There are also strange things we seem to carry with us from a previous life.

Inspirational speaker and spirit channeler Esther Hicks always unwittingly buys houses that have problems with the floors. Oracle-card creator Colette Baron-Reid always chooses dogs who later develop foot issues. Any small engine my husband touches refuses to start shortly thereafter. What the hell?

With the big recurring problems in our life, it’s helpful to examine them and see what needs to be done in this life so we don’t carry them into the next. I’m talking about things like consistently attracting partners who have substance problems, or always getting fired instead of promoted. Or, from my own life, why I always cry like my heart is breaking after I visit New England.

The first question to ask is if the issue is a pattern from this life. Or is it something you brought with you*?

The next question is how you can change the pattern. Oracle cards can be useful here. Ask What do I need to know about this recurring pattern? as you shuffle and then pull a card. Meditate or journal on the answer. It’s also helpful to talk it through with a friend since sometimes we’re too close to our own problems to see them clearly.

And then… act. There are so many ways to be, so many different ways to approach every situation. We know we can’t do things the same way and expect different results. I get it, change is hard. But give it a shot.

I had a dream the other night that I was in a parking lot and saw a genie’s lamp in the back of some guy’s truck. I didn’t hesitate, I grabbed it. My sister was with me in the dream, and she started rubbing the lamp and wishing for money. I snatched it away from her and told her we had to think carefully before we wished. Sure, we could wish for money, but we had to get the wording right.

In real life, my first wish wouldn’t be for money (and I don’t think it would be my sister’s first wish either). What about you? What do you want? If the genie popped out of his lamp and offered you one wish, what would it be?

In order for you to attract your desire, it’s important to think of the best way to word your intention. But, more importantly, your words have to resonate with the vibration you’re sending out into the Universe.

Let’s say you want to find love. But let’s say you also believe you can’t find true love until you lose weight. You may attract someone, but it’s going to be someone who also thinks you aren’t loveable until you lose weight. The resonance will be with someone who treats you the same way you treat yourself. Love resonates at a high vibration. Thinking you don’t yet deserve love does not.

The point is that we have to check our beliefs and attitudes about ourselves as we send our dreams out to be fulfilled. We can’t fix the dissonance if we don’t know what it is.

One way to fix that lack of resonance is with affirmations. I am loving, loveable, and loved. If, when you say that to yourself in the mirror, your reflection tells you that’s BS, try saying I’m beginning to see that I am loving, loveable, and loved. Work with that until you know it’s true.

Speaking of resonating, will you be joining me for the Alpha Female retreat on October 26th? We’ll be gathering at Three Waters Reserve in Brodhead, Wisconsin, a beautiful 70-acre nature preserve along the Sugar River. It provides both a stunning backdrop for our time together and a locus for our outdoor immersion walk. Through simple creative exercises, sound healing, and immersion in nature, you’ll leave feeling refreshed, renewed, and revitalized. Alpha Female: It resonates. Here’s the link to register.

I’ve written about some of the out-of-the-ordinary things that happen to me. A man who died when his car crashed into my house sent me a message that he wanted a mass said for him in Spanish. I bumped into someone in a haunted building and said Excuse me, not realizing at first that it was a ghost. I once saw angels around a woman at the post office.

What extraordinary things have happened in your life? Did you become pregnant after doctors told you it was impossible? Did cancer miraculously disappear? Maybe you somehow survived an accident that should have killed you.

Or perhaps you’ve seen angels. Or clearly heard the voice of a grandparent who’s dead. Or suddenly, just like that, knew where to find a lost pet.

No matter who you are, I’ll bet something amazing has happened to you even if was finding twenty bucks when you desperately needed it. It would be foolish to dismiss these extraordinary events simply because they are extraordinary and one of a kind.

We can be reluctant to tell others about these crazy things because we fear skepticism. But philosopher and consciousness researcher John Beloff said, “Skepticism is not necessarily a badge of tough-mindedness; it may equally be a sign of intellectual cowardice.”

There’s an old saying in medicine about people’s stories. “If you don’t like a story, you call it an anecdote. If you like it, you call it a case history.”

Which is your wild story—anecdote or case history?

Don’t give in to intellectual cowardice. Believe that the mystical is all around us. Choose to believe that the magic is real. Tell me your extraordinary story. I’ll listen without a drop of skepticism.

I’m on a Larry Dossey kick. He’s a physician who seeks to bring scientific understanding to spirituality. I can’t get enough of his books. The one I’m reading lately is One Mind. How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters.

One image caught my attention. When we look at a map, the coastlines appear to be solid. There is a crisp distinction between the sea and the shore. But when you’re at the beach, you know this isn’t so. There is water in the sand and sand in the water. It’s a porous boundary.

Our minds need this same sort of porosity. When there are iron curtain-like boundaries, when one part of the mind cannot communicate openly with other parts, it results in separation. This can lead to things like multiple personality disorder.

Similarly, we need the boundaries in society to be more like the shore and less like the iron curtain. Boundaries that are too firm result in world problems. Cultures thrive where there is interconnectivity, communication, and integration.

Unfortunately, we seem to be in the process of establishing increasingly impermeable boundaries. The more video cameras on banks and houses, the more motion detectors, and the more locks we install, the more we separate ourselves from others in the name of security. There are now more guns in the United States than there are citizens. And we wonder why we feel increasingly estranged from one another.

One Mind delves deep into philosophy and spirituality. It’s a heady, excellent read. I can’t possibly sum it up in the 400 words I use here. But the book clearly shows that a Universal Consciousness that unites us all. Studies have shown that this is a reality.

So, how do we begin to break down the barriers that we’ve built up? One simple way is through visual experiences that momentarily fill us with a sense of awe, whether it’s a jaw-dropping sunset or a powerful artwork. These events stun the mind into a blur, creating a delicate attunement or calibration. This then invites in the Divine Mind and influences the individual mind. The individual mind becomes increasingly like the Divine Mind.

This week, get out from behind that locked door and watch the sunset. Go to a museum. If you’re in Las Vegas, see the mind-blowing Postcard from Earth at the Sphere. Break out of a rut or mind-numbing habit. Stun your mind to reconnect with the Divine. 

I pulled the Emperor as my daily card the other day. It’s the card that represents the Divine Masculine, which we all have within us.

Often we (especially women) have trouble connecting to this energy because we don’t want to seem aggressive. We don’t like to come across as powerful. Strong? Sure. Show me a woman who doesn’t consider herself strong (I had a baby without any drugs. I divorced my husband without a lawyer. I sold a house without a realtor. Tell me how you’re similarly fierce because I know you are.). But powerful?

Power is, well, powerful. It’s the misuse of power that should be frightening. And yet, so often we shy away from claiming our power. There is power in financial freedom and yet we’re reluctant to ask for what we’re worth. We can find power in thinking for ourselves and being (graciously) disruptive. What about the power of being persistent, being the (kind but) immovable object when asking for what we want or deserve?

As women, we can find power in the Divine Feminine by being adaptable, flexible, optimistic, and reliable. These are all admirable traits. The key is to find the balance between yin and yang. We have to embrace the Divine Masculine as well.
Here are three steps to get you started. Think or write about the following;

1. Examine your relationships with male authority figures—your father, male bosses you’ve had, etc. Have these figures been supportive and loving? Or have you experienced inequity or even abuse? Examining any wounds will help you uncover unconscious beliefs and biases.
2. Connect with your Inner Father. Not your actual father, but the universal archetype we carry within us. This Inner Father is loving and benevolent, a protector. Start a dialog with him using automatic writing, pulling tarot or oracle cards, or asking and listening as you meditate. In what ways can you father yourself? How can you be the father you needed growing up?
3. Then, connect with your inner warrior. That sounds scary, doesn’t it? Remember, this isn’t about dominating or fighting. It’s about support and protection. It’s about setting boundaries and taking no bullshit. It’s about cutting through lies and seeing clarity.

Remember, neither masculine nor feminine energy is superior. We need both. And we need to awaken both within us to feel whole and balanced.

I’m in the middle of challenging myself to chant for forty days in a row. Every morning, I chant what’s known as Morning Call for eleven minutes. I then meditate for twenty minutes. I start by chanting om six times. Following meditation, I stretch for ten minutes.

We think that spirituality resides in our heads or hearts, but it’s a full-body experience. Chanting should make you vibrate. You should feel each part of om in your body. aaaaOOOOmmmmm. Om is the sound of creation, the Universe’s original vibration. It connects all living things to nature and the Universe.

Meditation connects us with our souls and the Universe. Likewise, stretching (yogic or otherwise) helps us connect to our body, mind and soul. It increases our energy flow and allows the Universe to flow more freely through us.

We should ourselves as a complete package—our body not separate from our soul. We need to take care of each part of ourselves, realizing that the health, strength, and flexibility of one part affects the other parts.

When we’re comfortable in our bodies, we can express ourselves authentically. How we nourish our bodies, minds, and souls directly relates to how we experience life. Our souls shine through us. We remember that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

This week, express your spirituality physically. Do a walking meditation or say your affirmations while you walk in nature. Do some yoga or other stretching. Do some deep breathing or even try tantric breathing (here’s a beginner’s guide). Want to try chanting? Chant along with Kyle Gray here. Or meditate and start by chanting om a few times. Then take a moment to check in and see if you don’t feel more whole and connected.