Total transformation

In Syracuse recently, my friend Lindsay and I were talking about our favorite Halloween costumes. It’s a fun question and it got me thinking about all the things I’ve dressed up as. Some of them were a bit boring, like a witch or a hula girl. Others were fun but inconvenient because I couldn’t sit down, like a Tootsie Roll. Others were straight-up fun, like Madonna.

What was your favorite Halloween costume?

When you’re dressed up, do you commit to the role? Did you take the opportunity to be someone completely different?

So often we want to be someone new, we want to transform ourselves, but we’re unwilling to shed what’s holding us back.

Fear, anxiety, and depression can keep us stuck, as can unresolved trauma, in which case we may need a therapist to help move us forward.

But often what keeps us stuck are bad habits. We want to lose weight, but we always stop for a caramel macchiato on the way to work. Relationships and jobs can be bad habits, as well. It can be easier to stay where we are than to risk being alone or to look for something we might like even less (but you won’t know unless you try).

Another thing that holds us back can be unchallenged rituals. We can have old rebellious responses that no longer apply, but we’ve never taken the time to examine them. It might be time to evict these past internalized enemies.

Another question to ask yourself is whether who and what you are now is your own dream or someone else’s? Did your parents want you to take over the family business or become a teacher or tell you that you weren’t smart enough for college?

You can be whoever you want to be in real life, not just at Halloween.

How are you longing to transform? What one step can you take toward that goal this week?


I’m the Toots on the right

Let’s do some magick!

It’s that witchy time of year, so embrace your inner Hermione and do this simple spell for abundance, wealth and calm into your home.

You’ll need a tea light and some dried cinnamon, basil and lavender. If you don’t have all three, use the one or two that you have in your spice collection.

Sprinkle some cinnamon on top of the tea light. This is for abundance.

Next, sprinkle basil on it. This is for wealth.

Finally, add the lavender. This is for a calm environment.

As you light the candle, focus your intention on those three things: abundance, wealth, and calm.

Then, as the candle burns, imagine how you’d feel with abundance, wealth, and calm. The more emotion you bring, the better.

Sit and stare into the candle, embracing your intention. Sit there for as long as you can. If you can’t wait for the candle to burn out, that’s fine. Go do what needs to be done while still carrying your intention and feeling its positive vibe.

That’s it! Expect to manifest.

And so it is.

Happy fall!

I absolutely love this time of year. The nights are cool, the trees are starting to turn yellow, orange and red. I start to make pumpkin everything, like pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, and pumpkin waffles. I even make rice pudding baked in a pumpkin. I can put on a sweater, sit outside next to the firepit and drink warm spiced wine. I wish I had a fall birthday so that I could celebrate the season even more.

In a few weeks, it will be Samhain, the witches’ sabbath that coincides with Halloween. The veil between the living and the dead will thin… but that’s a topic for later in the month.

Now is the time to turn inward and reflect.

Rituals can be powerful. Something as simple as lighting a candle at dusk can bring meaning to an otherwise ordinary evening. Say a few words of gratitude as you touch the match to the wick.

Build a fire, in the fireplace or outdoors, and release what no longer serves you. Write down what you’re ready to let go of on small slips of paper and feed them into the flames. Feel the freedom of no longer holding onto negativity, grudges, and hurts. Maybe it’s even time to release a relationship or a job.

As the darkness begins to come earlier and earlier, face and accept the darkness within you rather than turning away from it. Remember that both light and shadow are a part of life. Befriend your inner shadow, those parts you don’t like others to see.

The energy of fall correlates to the lungs and large intestines. Do some breath work and a colon cleanse to help your body harmonize with the changes in nature.

Autumn is a time of transition. Embrace the changes around you and allow them to usher changes into your life.

Time to clear out your inner closets

In 2008, my daughter’s husband left her abruptly with the words, “I can’t do this anymore.” She had no car, no job, no bank account. She did have a toddler and an infant. This was a dark time for her.

Obviously, it was easier for me than for her, but I had to be there for her like never before, which included taking care of my granddaughters. I loved spending time with them, but twelve hours a day left me in tears many times.

Not coincidentally, in 2008, Pluto entered Capricorn. Pluto is the planet of transformation; it’s about destruction and renewal. Moving through Capricorn, it has forced us to face our deepest fears. On September 2, Pluto stationed retrograde and will be there until November 19th. This is a powerful time to clear out your emotional baggage.

Pluto won’t be in Capricorn again until 2254—long after we’re all dead. Use this energy now, before Pluto moves on.

The best way to work with this cosmic energy is to see where Pluto is in your chart. Don’t know? Click here.

For me, Pluto is in Virgo in my first house.

Here’s a chart of the houses.

And here are the signs.

I have Pluto in my first house, which is in Virgo. I need to sort out any blocks to my personal well-being and my physical health. Oof—that hits home. My body has been a wreck lately. I should also look at my deep self-awareness and my drive for self-improvement. Am I overly focused on me, me, me? (My last couple of blog posts point to yes).

The emotional baggage surrounding all this, what needs to be cleared out, is the way my family of origin treated both illness and ego. We had to be practically dead to stay home from school and then all you got was tea and dry toast. We simply weren’t allowed to be sick. We also had to do what was best for the group. There was no consideration for individual concerns. Well, I should speak for myself. I was the oldest and had to take care of my siblings while my mother went back to school. Which brings the story full circle–taking care of other people’s children.

Look at your chart and see where you can use this intense Pluto retrograde energy.

It’s time to send back anything that isn’t yours

Washington Island, which lies in Lake Michigan off the tip of Wisconsin, has a beach covered with smooth stones instead of sand. It’s unique and beautiful. It’s also illegal to take the stones as souvenirs, but even a fine of $250 per stone doesn’t stop tourists from pilfering them.

A few years ago, a box with no return address was sent to Washington Island’s police department. It contained three stones and a note that read Please return to Schoolhouse Beach.

Whoever took those rocks had a nagging conscience. They felt guilty. Maybe even worse.

This reminded me of two beautiful books my ex left behind when he took his things as we split up. Those books sat on my bookshelf for close to two decades before I finally sent them to him. It wasn’t from guilt as much as a sense of restoring order. And wanting to get his energy back where it belonged.

How often do we hang onto things that aren’t ours? I have a friend who held onto things from her ex out of spite. But he didn’t remember she had his stuff, so it was only prolonging her grudge; it wasn’t hurting him.

We also hang onto energy for longer than we should. We replay arguments in our head. We remember slights done to us, as well times we’ve slighted people. For years, I felt horrible about the time I lost my sister at Six Flags. I labeled myself the Worst Sister Ever. I mentioned it to her decades later, expecting her to tell me how I had ruined her childhood. Guess what—she didn’t even remember it.

What do you need to return? Something from a national park that you took? Something you borrowed and never gave back? Mail the item. Or hand it back in person.

Do you need to send back some energy that you’re hanging onto? Get into a relaxed, meditative state, visualize the person whose energy you’re holding onto and say I return to you all that is yours with light and love. See the energy whooshing back and then see yourself cutting the cord that has been binding you. If it’s guilt you’re hanging onto, can you find the courage to talk to whoever you hurt and apologize?

Like me, you may find that you’ve attached more significance to the incident than they have. In any case, you’ll feel lighter and freer.

Emotion wheels

Oh, I used to be disgusted
Now I try to be amused…

I used to love that song. I still do.

Back in college, when I’d put on Elvis Costello’s My Aim Is True album and he sang about the angels wanting to wear his red shoes, my roommate told me that those were my only two emotions—disgust and amusement. I’m not so sure about that, but I know I wasn’t allowing all my feelings to surface. I was in a dark place then.

I have a few clients who also experienced trauma and are similarly cut off from their emotions. One of them described it as being emotionally constipated. She found it impossible to describe what she was feeling because, honestly, she wasn’t feeling. Her spirit guides suggested she get a paper calendar and mark each day with an up arrow, a flat line, or a down arrow to show her mood until she was better able to recognize her emotions.

After a few months of that, I sent her an emotions wheel. It’s a great tool. You start in the center and work with the seven emotions there. Once you’re able to distinguish which basic emotion you feel, you can move out to the next ring. And before you know it, you can identify nuanced emotions like indignation, powerlessness, curiosity, and joyfulness.

This set of Venn diagrams found its way into my inbox a couple of weeks ago. I love how it mixes emotions together and shows the resulting combination.

And finally, here are some emotions you may feel but didn’t know how to explain.

  • Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
  • Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head (raises hand, guilty!).
  • Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster—to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.
  • Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.
  • Mauerbauertrauigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.
  • Opia: The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which is simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
  • Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

And lastly, my favorite,

  • Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.

Radical self-care

My friend Sharon Blue wrote a book called Self-Care is NOT a Bubble Bath. And, for the most part, I agree with her. It can certainly fit into a self-care routine, but it’s not going to erase grief, pain, or trauma.

I’ve talked before about having post-traumatic stress disorder. This time of year can be extremely challenging for me. The hot weather can make my PTSD symptoms worse. I spend most days trying to keep my adreneline from spiking because it can take days for it to go back to normal. Meanwhile, I’m not sleeping and, if I do sleep, I’m having nightmares.

This summer, I decided to do something different. I’m embracing radical self-care. I’m giving myself permission to stay in bed as late as I like in the mornings. Ok, late for me is 6:00, but it gives me a chance to do some progressive body relaxation before I get up. I am not worrying about what I eat. There will be plenty of time to lose weight when the temperature goes down in the fall. I am saying no to social engagements if I think they are going to be stressful (P.S. They are almost always stressful for me). I have not gotten behind the wheel of my car when I feel like dealing with traffic might be too much.

Even a year ago, I would never have taken such measures. Not drive? What am I, weak? Buck up! Do what has to be done!

I even decided to work with a gut-health specialist to see if I couldn’t reduce the gastric distress caused by the vagus nerve. (That’s a complex subject and maybe a topic for another day.) But meeting with my coach left me feeling anxious, like I hadn’t studied for a quiz, so I decided it wasn’t worth it. As a radical act of self-care, I surprised myself and fired her.

Where in your life do you need extreme gentleness with yourself? What needs to go? When do you need to say no? Where should you stop volunteering to help?

If you’re like me, you like to help the people you love. You hate saying no when someone asks for something. You never want to appear weak. ? If I died tomorrow, the world would keep on spinning, so I am indeed expendable. So are you. Stop killing yourself thinking you aren’t. Practice radical self-care.

Why can’t I grow zucchini?

After twenty-six years of marriage, I finally told my husband my dark secret. I cannot grow zucchini. I’ve tried, believe me. I get flowers, but never any squash. While others have zucchini the size of the Goodyear blimp, I got nuthin’.

We all come into this world finding some things easy. My husband draws well and plays various musical instruments. My daughter-in-law sings so beautifully, I cried the first time I heard her. My granddaughter is a basketball phenom.

We also seem to be born with things we can’t do. Have you ever met someone whose cooking is terrible no matter how hard they try? Or someone who can’t get the hang of angle parking (let alone parallel parking)? Put my zucchini impairment in that category.

There are also strange things we seem to carry with us from a previous life.

Inspirational speaker and spirit channeler Esther Hicks always unwittingly buys houses that have problems with the floors. Oracle-card creator Colette Baron-Reid always chooses dogs who later develop foot issues. Any small engine my husband touches refuses to start shortly thereafter. What the hell?

With the big recurring problems in our life, it’s helpful to examine them and see what needs to be done in this life so we don’t carry them into the next. I’m talking about things like consistently attracting partners who have substance problems, or always getting fired instead of promoted. Or, from my own life, why I always cry like my heart is breaking after I visit New England.

The first question to ask is if the issue is a pattern from this life. Or is it something you brought with you*?

The next question is how you can change the pattern. Oracle cards can be useful here. Ask What do I need to know about this recurring pattern? as you shuffle and then pull a card. Meditate or journal on the answer. It’s also helpful to talk it through with a friend since sometimes we’re too close to our own problems to see them clearly.

And then… act. There are so many ways to be, so many different ways to approach every situation. We know we can’t do things the same way and expect different results. I get it, change is hard. But give it a shot.

Does your desire resonate with your beliefs?

I had a dream the other night that I was in a parking lot and saw a genie’s lamp in the back of some guy’s truck. I didn’t hesitate, I grabbed it. My sister was with me in the dream, and she started rubbing the lamp and wishing for money. I snatched it away from her and told her we had to think carefully before we wished. Sure, we could wish for money, but we had to get the wording right.

In real life, my first wish wouldn’t be for money (and I don’t think it would be my sister’s first wish either). What about you? What do you want? If the genie popped out of his lamp and offered you one wish, what would it be?

In order for you to attract your desire, it’s important to think of the best way to word your intention. But, more importantly, your words have to resonate with the vibration you’re sending out into the Universe.

Let’s say you want to find love. But let’s say you also believe you can’t find true love until you lose weight. You may attract someone, but it’s going to be someone who also thinks you aren’t loveable until you lose weight. The resonance will be with someone who treats you the same way you treat yourself. Love resonates at a high vibration. Thinking you don’t yet deserve love does not.

The point is that we have to check our beliefs and attitudes about ourselves as we send our dreams out to be fulfilled. We can’t fix the dissonance if we don’t know what it is.

One way to fix that lack of resonance is with affirmations. I am loving, loveable, and loved. If, when you say that to yourself in the mirror, your reflection tells you that’s BS, try saying I’m beginning to see that I am loving, loveable, and loved. Work with that until you know it’s true.


Speaking of resonating, will you be joining me for the Alpha Female retreat on October 26th? We’ll be gathering at Three Waters Reserve in Brodhead, Wisconsin, a beautiful 70-acre nature preserve along the Sugar River. It provides both a stunning backdrop for our time together and a locus for our outdoor immersion walk. Through simple creative exercises, sound healing, and immersion in nature, you’ll leave feeling refreshed, renewed, and revitalized. Alpha Female: It resonates. Here’s the link to register.

Embrace the Extraordinary

I’ve written about some of the out-of-the-ordinary things that happen to me. A man who died when his car crashed into my house sent me a message that he wanted a mass said for him in Spanish. I bumped into someone in a haunted building and said Excuse me, not realizing at first that it was a ghost. I once saw angels around a woman at the post office.

What extraordinary things have happened in your life? Did you become pregnant after doctors told you it was impossible? Did cancer miraculously disappear? Maybe you somehow survived an accident that should have killed you.

Or perhaps you’ve seen angels. Or clearly heard the voice of a grandparent who’s dead. Or suddenly, just like that, knew where to find a lost pet.

No matter who you are, I’ll bet something amazing has happened to you even if was finding twenty bucks when you desperately needed it. It would be foolish to dismiss these extraordinary events simply because they are extraordinary and one of a kind.

We can be reluctant to tell others about these crazy things because we fear skepticism. But philosopher and consciousness researcher John Beloff said, “Skepticism is not necessarily a badge of tough-mindedness; it may equally be a sign of intellectual cowardice.”

There’s an old saying in medicine about people’s stories. “If you don’t like a story, you call it an anecdote. If you like it, you call it a case history.”

Which is your wild story—anecdote or case history?

Don’t give in to intellectual cowardice. Believe that the mystical is all around us. Choose to believe that the magic is real. Tell me your extraordinary story. I’ll listen without a drop of skepticism.

Posts navigation

1 2 3 4 5 21 22 23
Scroll to top