My friend Sharon Blue wrote a book called Self-Care is NOT a Bubble Bath. And, for the most part, I agree with her. It can certainly fit into a self-care routine, but it’s not going to erase grief, pain, or trauma.

I’ve talked before about having post-traumatic stress disorder. This time of year can be extremely challenging for me. The hot weather can make my PTSD symptoms worse. I spend most days trying to keep my adreneline from spiking because it can take days for it to go back to normal. Meanwhile, I’m not sleeping and, if I do sleep, I’m having nightmares.

This summer, I decided to do something different. I’m embracing radical self-care. I’m giving myself permission to stay in bed as late as I like in the mornings. Ok, late for me is 6:00, but it gives me a chance to do some progressive body relaxation before I get up. I am not worrying about what I eat. There will be plenty of time to lose weight when the temperature goes down in the fall. I am saying no to social engagements if I think they are going to be stressful (P.S. They are almost always stressful for me). I have not gotten behind the wheel of my car when I feel like dealing with traffic might be too much.

Even a year ago, I would never have taken such measures. Not drive? What am I, weak? Buck up! Do what has to be done!

I even decided to work with a gut-health specialist to see if I couldn’t reduce the gastric distress caused by the vagus nerve. (That’s a complex subject and maybe a topic for another day.) But meeting with my coach left me feeling anxious, like I hadn’t studied for a quiz, so I decided it wasn’t worth it. As a radical act of self-care, I surprised myself and fired her.

Where in your life do you need extreme gentleness with yourself? What needs to go? When do you need to say no? Where should you stop volunteering to help?

If you’re like me, you like to help the people you love. You hate saying no when someone asks for something. You never want to appear weak. ? If I died tomorrow, the world would keep on spinning, so I am indeed expendable. So are you. Stop killing yourself thinking you aren’t. Practice radical self-care.

After twenty-six years of marriage, I finally told my husband my dark secret. I cannot grow zucchini. I’ve tried, believe me. I get flowers, but never any squash. While others have zucchini the size of the Goodyear blimp, I got nuthin’.

We all come into this world finding some things easy. My husband draws well and plays various musical instruments. My daughter-in-law sings so beautifully, I cried the first time I heard her. My granddaughter is a basketball phenom.

We also seem to be born with things we can’t do. Have you ever met someone whose cooking is terrible no matter how hard they try? Or someone who can’t get the hang of angle parking (let alone parallel parking)? Put my zucchini impairment in that category.

There are also strange things we seem to carry with us from a previous life.

Inspirational speaker and spirit channeler Esther Hicks always unwittingly buys houses that have problems with the floors. Oracle-card creator Colette Baron-Reid always chooses dogs who later develop foot issues. Any small engine my husband touches refuses to start shortly thereafter. What the hell?

With the big recurring problems in our life, it’s helpful to examine them and see what needs to be done in this life so we don’t carry them into the next. I’m talking about things like consistently attracting partners who have substance problems, or always getting fired instead of promoted. Or, from my own life, why I always cry like my heart is breaking after I visit New England.

The first question to ask is if the issue is a pattern from this life. Or is it something you brought with you*?

The next question is how you can change the pattern. Oracle cards can be useful here. Ask What do I need to know about this recurring pattern? as you shuffle and then pull a card. Meditate or journal on the answer. It’s also helpful to talk it through with a friend since sometimes we’re too close to our own problems to see them clearly.

And then… act. There are so many ways to be, so many different ways to approach every situation. We know we can’t do things the same way and expect different results. I get it, change is hard. But give it a shot.

I had a dream the other night that I was in a parking lot and saw a genie’s lamp in the back of some guy’s truck. I didn’t hesitate, I grabbed it. My sister was with me in the dream, and she started rubbing the lamp and wishing for money. I snatched it away from her and told her we had to think carefully before we wished. Sure, we could wish for money, but we had to get the wording right.

In real life, my first wish wouldn’t be for money (and I don’t think it would be my sister’s first wish either). What about you? What do you want? If the genie popped out of his lamp and offered you one wish, what would it be?

In order for you to attract your desire, it’s important to think of the best way to word your intention. But, more importantly, your words have to resonate with the vibration you’re sending out into the Universe.

Let’s say you want to find love. But let’s say you also believe you can’t find true love until you lose weight. You may attract someone, but it’s going to be someone who also thinks you aren’t loveable until you lose weight. The resonance will be with someone who treats you the same way you treat yourself. Love resonates at a high vibration. Thinking you don’t yet deserve love does not.

The point is that we have to check our beliefs and attitudes about ourselves as we send our dreams out to be fulfilled. We can’t fix the dissonance if we don’t know what it is.

One way to fix that lack of resonance is with affirmations. I am loving, loveable, and loved. If, when you say that to yourself in the mirror, your reflection tells you that’s BS, try saying I’m beginning to see that I am loving, loveable, and loved. Work with that until you know it’s true.

Speaking of resonating, will you be joining me for the Alpha Female retreat on October 26th? We’ll be gathering at Three Waters Reserve in Brodhead, Wisconsin, a beautiful 70-acre nature preserve along the Sugar River. It provides both a stunning backdrop for our time together and a locus for our outdoor immersion walk. Through simple creative exercises, sound healing, and immersion in nature, you’ll leave feeling refreshed, renewed, and revitalized. Alpha Female: It resonates. Here’s the link to register.

I’ve written about some of the out-of-the-ordinary things that happen to me. A man who died when his car crashed into my house sent me a message that he wanted a mass said for him in Spanish. I bumped into someone in a haunted building and said Excuse me, not realizing at first that it was a ghost. I once saw angels around a woman at the post office.

What extraordinary things have happened in your life? Did you become pregnant after doctors told you it was impossible? Did cancer miraculously disappear? Maybe you somehow survived an accident that should have killed you.

Or perhaps you’ve seen angels. Or clearly heard the voice of a grandparent who’s dead. Or suddenly, just like that, knew where to find a lost pet.

No matter who you are, I’ll bet something amazing has happened to you even if was finding twenty bucks when you desperately needed it. It would be foolish to dismiss these extraordinary events simply because they are extraordinary and one of a kind.

We can be reluctant to tell others about these crazy things because we fear skepticism. But philosopher and consciousness researcher John Beloff said, “Skepticism is not necessarily a badge of tough-mindedness; it may equally be a sign of intellectual cowardice.”

There’s an old saying in medicine about people’s stories. “If you don’t like a story, you call it an anecdote. If you like it, you call it a case history.”

Which is your wild story—anecdote or case history?

Don’t give in to intellectual cowardice. Believe that the mystical is all around us. Choose to believe that the magic is real. Tell me your extraordinary story. I’ll listen without a drop of skepticism.

I’m on a Larry Dossey kick. He’s a physician who seeks to bring scientific understanding to spirituality. I can’t get enough of his books. The one I’m reading lately is One Mind. How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters.

One image caught my attention. When we look at a map, the coastlines appear to be solid. There is a crisp distinction between the sea and the shore. But when you’re at the beach, you know this isn’t so. There is water in the sand and sand in the water. It’s a porous boundary.

Our minds need this same sort of porosity. When there are iron curtain-like boundaries, when one part of the mind cannot communicate openly with other parts, it results in separation. This can lead to things like multiple personality disorder.

Similarly, we need the boundaries in society to be more like the shore and less like the iron curtain. Boundaries that are too firm result in world problems. Cultures thrive where there is interconnectivity, communication, and integration.

Unfortunately, we seem to be in the process of establishing increasingly impermeable boundaries. The more video cameras on banks and houses, the more motion detectors, and the more locks we install, the more we separate ourselves from others in the name of security. There are now more guns in the United States than there are citizens. And we wonder why we feel increasingly estranged from one another.

One Mind delves deep into philosophy and spirituality. It’s a heady, excellent read. I can’t possibly sum it up in the 400 words I use here. But the book clearly shows that a Universal Consciousness that unites us all. Studies have shown that this is a reality.

So, how do we begin to break down the barriers that we’ve built up? One simple way is through visual experiences that momentarily fill us with a sense of awe, whether it’s a jaw-dropping sunset or a powerful artwork. These events stun the mind into a blur, creating a delicate attunement or calibration. This then invites in the Divine Mind and influences the individual mind. The individual mind becomes increasingly like the Divine Mind.

This week, get out from behind that locked door and watch the sunset. Go to a museum. If you’re in Las Vegas, see the mind-blowing Postcard from Earth at the Sphere. Break out of a rut or mind-numbing habit. Stun your mind to reconnect with the Divine. 

I pulled the Emperor as my daily card the other day. It’s the card that represents the Divine Masculine, which we all have within us.

Often we (especially women) have trouble connecting to this energy because we don’t want to seem aggressive. We don’t like to come across as powerful. Strong? Sure. Show me a woman who doesn’t consider herself strong (I had a baby without any drugs. I divorced my husband without a lawyer. I sold a house without a realtor. Tell me how you’re similarly fierce because I know you are.). But powerful?

Power is, well, powerful. It’s the misuse of power that should be frightening. And yet, so often we shy away from claiming our power. There is power in financial freedom and yet we’re reluctant to ask for what we’re worth. We can find power in thinking for ourselves and being (graciously) disruptive. What about the power of being persistent, being the (kind but) immovable object when asking for what we want or deserve?

As women, we can find power in the Divine Feminine by being adaptable, flexible, optimistic, and reliable. These are all admirable traits. The key is to find the balance between yin and yang. We have to embrace the Divine Masculine as well.
Here are three steps to get you started. Think or write about the following;

1. Examine your relationships with male authority figures—your father, male bosses you’ve had, etc. Have these figures been supportive and loving? Or have you experienced inequity or even abuse? Examining any wounds will help you uncover unconscious beliefs and biases.
2. Connect with your Inner Father. Not your actual father, but the universal archetype we carry within us. This Inner Father is loving and benevolent, a protector. Start a dialog with him using automatic writing, pulling tarot or oracle cards, or asking and listening as you meditate. In what ways can you father yourself? How can you be the father you needed growing up?
3. Then, connect with your inner warrior. That sounds scary, doesn’t it? Remember, this isn’t about dominating or fighting. It’s about support and protection. It’s about setting boundaries and taking no bullshit. It’s about cutting through lies and seeing clarity.

Remember, neither masculine nor feminine energy is superior. We need both. And we need to awaken both within us to feel whole and balanced.

I’m in the middle of challenging myself to chant for forty days in a row. Every morning, I chant what’s known as Morning Call for eleven minutes. I then meditate for twenty minutes. I start by chanting om six times. Following meditation, I stretch for ten minutes.

We think that spirituality resides in our heads or hearts, but it’s a full-body experience. Chanting should make you vibrate. You should feel each part of om in your body. aaaaOOOOmmmmm. Om is the sound of creation, the Universe’s original vibration. It connects all living things to nature and the Universe.

Meditation connects us with our souls and the Universe. Likewise, stretching (yogic or otherwise) helps us connect to our body, mind and soul. It increases our energy flow and allows the Universe to flow more freely through us.

We should ourselves as a complete package—our body not separate from our soul. We need to take care of each part of ourselves, realizing that the health, strength, and flexibility of one part affects the other parts.

When we’re comfortable in our bodies, we can express ourselves authentically. How we nourish our bodies, minds, and souls directly relates to how we experience life. Our souls shine through us. We remember that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

This week, express your spirituality physically. Do a walking meditation or say your affirmations while you walk in nature. Do some yoga or other stretching. Do some deep breathing or even try tantric breathing (here’s a beginner’s guide). Want to try chanting? Chant along with Kyle Gray here. Or meditate and start by chanting om a few times. Then take a moment to check in and see if you don’t feel more whole and connected.

Years ago, I was with a group of friends watching the Packers play football. One woman kept thanking Jesus every time they scored and praying that they would when they were down. Does the Absolute answer prayers for football victories? I’m sure there were people praying for the other team. Who was God rooting for?

Similarly, when we pray for someone who has a terminal illness to live, can we expect our supplications to be answered? If everyone who was dying lived because of prayers for them, the earth would be overcrowded to the point that there wouldn’t be enough resources for everyone. We’re human. We have to die. That’s part of the contract. We carry a human body around and it’s subject to the laws of nature.

So, how effective is prayer? Scientifically speaking, very. There have been many double-blind studies done studying its success rate. A wound prayed over heals faster than one that isn’t. Plants grow faster with blessed water than with water right out of the tap. There is a strong connection between faith and healing.

But how we pray is as important as taking the time to pray in the fist place.

I should take a moment to say that we don’t need to believe in God to pray. We are all connected. Our healing thoughts suffice. Getting into a prayerful attitude is enough. We don’t have to send our words up to a third party for there to be results.

First, we should take a moment to remember that we don’t know what the best outcome is. As I said, we all have to die at some point. It’s always best to pray for the highest good. Spirit may your will be done. We can pray for understanding and acceptance, both ours and that of others. A prayer of noninterference where we are guided by prayer and compassion is better than trying to tell the Universe what to do.

If you’d like to delve deeper into this topic, I highly recommend Dr. Larry Dossey’s Prayer is Good Medicine. The author talks about the healing potential of prayer, when and how much to pray, and how prayer fits into the medical system. It’s a good read.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about hexes. Since then, I received a newsletter from Gina Spriggs and I attended a seminar with the spiritually gifted Sandra Taylor that have me thinking about this subject quite a bit.

Gina Spriggs owns a store called Curio, Craft & Conjure. She’s in the pro-curse camp. She says life isn’t all love and light. She says we curse people every day when we say Fuck you! if someone cuts us off in traffic or Damn you  or Go to hell for a similar injustice. When we do, we’re expressing our anger and setting boundaries.

Sandra Taylor has a ritual, a spell if you will, that isn’t a curse or hex and yet can shift the negative energy we experience when we’re angry or feeling powerless. It’s called freezing someone’s name.

Who gets your blood boiling every time you think of them? The kid who bullied you in middle school. The friend who betrayed you in high school. The ex-spouse who continues to take you to court. The relative who manages to ruin every holiday. That one neighbor who’s a real asshole. Think of them now. This is the person for whom you need to release the energy of attachment or difficult connection.

To soften or release that energy, write the full name of the person (or organization) at the top of a small piece of paper. Below that, write the full name again followed by is sealed in the light. Now take a whole lemon and make a slit in it. Fold the paper up and put it into the slit in the lemon. Place the lemon in the freezer.

This symbolic gesture works amazingly well to soften or even release the hard energy. Remember, your anger, your grudge, only hurts you.

If, after a couple of weeks, you still feel anger when you think of the person, dispose of the lemon with a ritual (burn it or bury it) and try again with a new lemon.

I love to hear from you, so let me know how it works once you’re tried it.

Instant Karma’s gonna get you, or so John Lennon sang. I’m reluctant to argue with the late Mr. Lennon, but… here goes.

In the 1960s, hundreds of thousands of westerners descended on India looking for magic and mystery. They believed that what was missing from their lives could be found in there and suddenly Eastern philosophies were being marketed to people who longed to be disciples. Much of the centuries-old teachings were changed. Karma Cola, as author Gita Mehta named it in her book of the same name.

So what is karma?

Here’s an analogy. If you and I each encounter a dog, I may see a ferocious animal while you see a friendly companion. Part of this is because we come into this life with our own unique perspectives. Part of it is our experience with dogs. Part of it comes from our imagination.

In the same way, our souls are conditioned by experience, in this life and in past lives. Those experiences influence our memory that then influences our interpretations and choices, creating our perspective. These tiny kernels build up in the individual soul over a lifetime. The combination of memory and imagination based on experience is called karma. Karma accumulates in the personal part of the soul and colors it.

The personal soul governs the conscience and provides a template for the kind of person we each turn out to be. In addition, the actions we take can effect our soul and change our karma, for better or worse.

But there is also a universal, nonlocal part of the soul that is not touched by our actions. It’s connected to a pure and unchanging spirit.

No matter how much of a mess we may have made of our lives, it is always possible to tap into the part of the soul that is universal and change the course of our destiny.

That’s karma in a nutshell—from a Westerner, yes. But I hope you see that karma is more than a what-goes-around-comes-around, quid-pro-quo, action-and-equal-but-opposite-reaction principle.

We can always take advantage of the connection between the personal soul and the universal soul to shape our lives, to co-create our reality now and in the future, both in this life and in lives to come.