Is the glass half full or half empty?

How you answer that question is supposed to be the predictor of whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist. Do you have a sunny view of the future? Or do you constantly imagine and plan for catastrophes?

I promised both of my granddaughters that if they got good grades, I’d take them anywhere they wanted to go. One of them wants to go to Egypt. Cool, right? I looked into it, found a tour that looks perfect, presented it to my daughter who said, “It sounds dangerous. Maybe take her to California.” Guess who’s the Tigger and who’s the Eeyore.

Now researchers have come up with a new way to tell if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore. They’ve found that people with an upbeat outlook have similar patterns of brain activity when they think about the future.

“Optimists seem to use a shared neural framework for organizing thoughts about the future, which likely reflects a similar style of mental processing rather than identical ideas,” says Kuniaki Yanagisawa, an author of the research from Japan’s Kobe University.

He went on to say that what the study found was that “the foundation of [optimists’] social success might be this shared reality. It’s not just about having a positive attitude; it’s that their brains are literally on the same wavelength, which may allow for a deeper, more intuitive kind of connection.”

You’ve heard the line from Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, Happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, right? It seems that this is true for more than just families. Based on the brain scans, optimistic people think similarly. Pessimists each imagine something different going wrong. They imagine different scenarios and different degrees of misery.

What’s important to note is that optimism isn’t a form of reality distortion or irrationality because what the optimist sees is how a future event will impact us. It doesn’t ignore the presence of challenges, instead it motivates the individual to pursue goals.

If you tend to see calamity looming, try picturing a positive outcome in detail. See it as feasible and desirable. That changes the situation into something to value and work for, ultimately making it something you’re more likely to achieve.

When you go to the beach, do you take a small bucket, scoop out some water, take it back to your towel, and dip your foot in it? Of course you don’t.

If you won a lottery jackpot of $300,000,000, would you say, “I only want $6,000 of it.”? Of course you wouldn’t. Why would you settle for less than all of it?

Where in your life are you settling for less right now?

A friend posted on Facebook yesterday:
You have an endless supply of love. Spread that shit around like manure and watch all the beauty that grows.

The Universe is infinite. You can have it all.  But be careful.

Just as there is an endless supply of love, there can be endless rage. There is an infinite amount of money, but also infinite poverty.

Your intentions matter.

Small acts of kindness can cascade and multiply. They can have a huge impact. So can a small act of rudeness.

If you want more love, be more loving. Not from neediness, but because loving feels good. If you want money, be generous. Again, altruistically, not with an ulterior motive.

Pay someone a genuine compliment. Hold a door open for someone. Thank someone for holding the door open for you. Leave a generous tip. Paint rocks and leave them for others to find. Donate blood. Take your old towels to an animal shelter. Give to a worthy cause. Volunteer.

Start the ripple of positivity. Get the ball rolling. And watch (with gratitude) all the good things that come your way.

Be the magic you want to see in the world.

There’s a question I often ask my clients: What do you want to do?
It’s actually three questions.

• What do you want to do?
• What do you want to experience?
• What do you want to contribute?

And the problem most people have answering those questions is that they don’t think big. They consider what’s realistic, what they can afford, or what’s safe.

Who wants a small dream?

“If I had millions of dollars, my family would expect me to share it with them,” one client said to me. I shook my head in disbelief. That’s a boundary issue. You can share or not share with whoever you want. It’s your money.

Or “I can’t write a book—I don’t have time to go on a book tour.” Do you want to write a book? Or do you want to have a best-seller published? Writing is creative. Selling is entrepreneurial. That dream needs refinement. Is it the writing, the money, or the fame?

Why do we insist on putting limits on our dreams?

What would you love to do? If you had infinite potential and unlimited resources, what would absolutely light you up?

You don’t know how to make that happen just yet. You simply have to plant the seed. Put the idea out into the Universe and then keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities. The Universe is infinite and magical. Trust it.

You define those three questions. You can say you want to own a Lamborghini, swim in the Dead Sea, and give a TED talk. Or maybe you want to get a master’s degree in chemical engineering, become an expert distiller, and sell a new and unique spirit internationally. Or maybe, like my sister-in-law, you want to take your children to visit every country in the world. That covers all three.

What do you want to do? Dream big. Make a list. Put the idea out there. What do you have to lose?

I was recently asked why I thought people die when they do.

It’s a thought-provoking question.

I believe we make soul contracts with people that last through many lifetimes. We have lessons to learn and lessons to teach these people. We cycle through various relationships with them as we revisit what we’ve learned and what we still need to learn.

For example, in this life, I have parents (obviously), siblings, a husband, an ex-husband, children, and grandchildren.

In a past life, I’m pretty sure my son Max was one of my parents. Since he was a toddler, he has always tried to take care of me, has scolded me, and treated me like he’s the parent.

I know my ex and I were married in past lifetimes and we’ll probably be married again at least one more time. Some of our soul issues were resolved in this life, but I’m guessing we still have more to teach each other. In other lives, we may have been siblings, or cousins, or even coworkers.

You get the picture.

We all know of examples of spouses dying close together. We say it’s of a broken heart, and that may be true. But it may also be that to be married in the next life, they need to be born close to one another. And look at Debbie Reynolds dying one day after her daughter Carrie Fisher. Yes, she missed her. But my bet is that they have another life coming up that needs them both to be similar ages.

I asked my friend Jennifer for her take on it. She agreed and added that there are times when the person left living still has things they’re meant to experience before it’s their time to transition. It could be anything from being an important part of a child or grandchild’s life, to learning more about love or patience, or resilience.

Of course, we won’t know what happens after we die until we get there. But if you’d like to learn more about what happens immediately after we die, I highly recommend Eben Alexander’s Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife. It’s a fascinating read from scientist who experienced death and lived to write about it.

“She hears voices,” a friend reported to me, trying to convince me that someone she knew was crazy.

“So?” I asked. “Don’t you?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. Yeah. Sometimes.”

Why does that seem so strange to people?

Have you ever smelled the perfume of a loved one who’s dead? Do you consider that a sign of mental illness?

We have no trouble feeling comforted by scents. And many people see things like pennies, cardinals, or butterflies (even moths) and feel they’re signs from someone who has passed over.

Why is it that smells and signs reassure us, yet words freak us out?

Our dead loved ones are with us, ready to offer support, consolation, and wisdom. Sometimes it comes without our asking, but we can always request their help. Why is it that we prefer it to come in the language of signs and symbols rather than direct words?

I recently read an interesting study about the difference between those of us who wig out when we hear voices and those who don’t. People who can control when they hear voices and are able to tap into them when they decide to, don’t find the voices scary. This element of control makes all the difference.

Think of it as a radio. You’re in charge. Sure, if you’re shopping or at the dentist, there might be music you didn’t choose (how many fillings have I gotten with classic rock kicking my discomfort up a notch?). But setting firm boundaries with the voices puts you in charge.

When I have my weekly Facebook Live each Wednesday at 9:00 a.m. CT, I invite people’s ancestors in. The radio is on, so to speak. Fifteen minutes later, when I’m done, I send them on their way. Radio off. If I ask one of my ancestors for an answer to a problem I’m having, I’m open to hearing their wisdom—and that’s all I’m open to. No chit-chat, please.

Occasionally, there will be a pushy person on the other side who wants to talk now. I tell them to wait until I’m working. Just as you would if someone from your job called to annoy you at home.

So, invite your ancestors in. Ask them for whatever you need. They love you and would love to help. Be willing to hear what they have to say. And then, when you’ve gotten your answer, thank them and send them off until next time.

Of course I do! Big brag coming up.

On Duolingo I have a streak of 2332 days. That’s over six years.

I used to play a game on my phone called Knot Words. I had a huge streak going until I realized the only reason I played the game was to maintain my streak.

That’s how they get you. Almost everything is gamified these days. And, in most ways, that’s a good thing. Establishing a streak is a low-pressure way to create pride and self-respect around things you’re already doing or would like to do in everyday life. Once you’re on a roll, each day you add feels like a prize.

Floss your teeth. Stretch. Do the New York Times crossword puzzle. Keep that streak going. We hate to break the streak because of what’s called loss aversion.

So, maybe it’s time to add spirituality to your list of streaks. What appeals to you? Yoga? Meditation? Walking in nature? Saying an affirmation? Keeping a journal? Setting aside two minutes to feel gratitude? Pulling a tarot or oracle card for reflection?

Choose one. Put a reminder where you’ll see it. I have Duo written on each day of my planner. Or you can set an alert on your phone until you establish a habit.

Spirituality encompasses a sense of connection, meaning, and purpose, which can significantly enhance wellbeing and life satisfaction.

And streaks are really just rituals dressed up in different language. A meditation streak is the same thing as a meditation practice, just framed differently.

Whether we call it a streak, a practice, a ritual, or a ceremony, it serves the same purpose: adding structure, predictability, and meaning to our days. And who doesn’t need more of those?

We’ve all seen the affirmations and Facebook posts that say I am enough.

You may see that sentence and think, Am I? Or you think, Who wants to be enough? I want to be extra! Maybe you don’t give it any thought at all.

I turned sixty-five recently and, as I looked at my high school graduating class’s Facebook page, I saw that there are a few doctors. There’s a woman who has a PhD in microbiology, who is the president of a college, and who has her own Wikipedia page. There’s a guy, a basketball photographer, who has over ten thousand Instagram followers.

When I did my annual life review, all I heard was a sad trombone. Wah-whaaa.

Fortunately, I was able to tell myself to knock it off before I fell too far down into despair.

Get a grip, Toni.

I pass out at the sight of blood. Being a doctor would have been a terrible career choice. I never liked studying science, so a PhD in microbiology was not going to happen. And, while I like basketball, I don’t think anything sports related would have suited me.

There will always be someone who makes more money, who has a higher-profile job, or who has a greater impact on the world.

What there will never be is another me. There will never be another you.

The Universe needs us to be exactly who we are. The light we shine is unique. Our contribution matters. We might not believe it’s great, and that sort of false belief keeps us small. It keeps us from shining brightly.

Have I accomplished what I set out to do? Yes. As a young child, I set the goal of learning seven languages. Check. As a teenager, I wanted to help people connect with Spirit. Check. As a young adult, I decided I wanted children and grandchildren. Check. And now I can enjoy the things I have achieved as well as set new goals.

And, when I feel down, when I feel I’m not contributing enough to society, I can remember that in the immortal words of Queen, fat-bottomed girls make the rocking world go ‘round, and know I’m doing my part.

Why would Antigone come up twice in one hour?

Or Chaucer, for that matter.

Yesterday, I was relaxing, reading Lauren Groff’s Fates and Furies. The main character decided to write an opera about Oedipus’s daughter Antigone. While reading, one of my brothers sent me a text about Chaucer (as brothers tend to do, am I right? No? Just mine?). I replied and then decided I needed to see Conan O’Brien’s turn on “Hot Ones” because I had heard that it was insane (it was). Conan mentioned Chaucer. Then I went to watch my favorite detective show from New Zealand and there was a character named Antigone James.

So, I googled all of that.

“Chaucer’s Troilus and Criseyde and Antigone, while not directly related, share a similar thematic focus on the role of women and their influence in shaping men’s destinies.”

Huh? Color me curious.

We tend to oversimplify curiosity. If we want to know something, we can immediately look it up. But don’t let Google’s answer satisfy you.

Curiosity is complex, mutating, unpredictable, and transformational. It’s not about finding an answer as much as it is about finding connections between ourselves, others, and the world. Curiosity wants that kernel of truth along with everything you encounter along the way.

I love synchronicities. I even keep a journal of them. I have at least one entry every day. Some of them make me laugh. Most of them make me think.

We may look to spiritual leaders (or Google) for answers, but meaning only comes from our digging deep, by our staying curious.

Should I read some Chaucer? Or some Greek tragedies? Should I explore women’s role in shaping men’s destinies? Maybe. Or maybe I should stay curious and see what the next synchronicity is and add that to the mix.

What I get out of a string of coincidences and what you discover from the same string will be vastly different.

But when we stay curious and follow the thread all the way to the end, we’ll uncover depths of truth and meaning that can lead us to spiritual growth.

My grandma and her sister, Cecilia, got into a huge fight when their father died and never spoke to each another again. It was a shame for them to hold a grudge for so long and I was sad that I never saw my Aunt Seal again. People have lists of what they want to do or see or accomplish before they die, and I’m always interested to hear what’s on those bucket lists. But let me ask you this: Who do you want to see again before you die? It’s a question that requires some thought. It might be someone who you lost touch with, perhaps your best friend from school. Or your first love. Maybe an old co-worker. Or, like my Aunt Seal, it might be someone who you weren’t allowed to see because of a feud. Maybe a child you let someone else adopt. A sibling who left the family and never returned. Now here’s the question that interests me the most: Why? Why do you want to see those people again? Curiosity? (I’d love to see what my high school boyfriend looks like now.) To make amends, apologize for something you did to hurt them? (I should probably apologize to my dormmate for stealing her boyfriend, but that’s probably best done in a letter so I don’t get a fat lip.) To tell them you still love them? Or because holding a grudge feels like you’re drinking poison hoping they’ll die, and it’s time to put down that vial of venom? Maybe there are people you’d like to see without them seeing you. Of course, there are people who you never want to see again. People who are abusive or bring excessive drama to your life. Some people make us feel bad. Others we outgrow. And, despite how contradictory it feels, we can want nothing to do with them and yet wonder. This week, give those two questions some thought. Who would you like to see again before you die and why? Your answers might surprise you. And remember, we never know when we (or they) will die. You might want to find whoever it is while you still have the chance.

My sister and I recently took our mother out for tea at the Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee to celebrate her birthday. I’m not sure how we got on the subject, but my mother said that no matter who you ask, everyone has a story about a time a stranger helped them when they needed it.

I thought about all the times that has happened to me.

Like the time I was in line at the credit union. This was back before ATMs were everywhere and you had to wait in line to deposit or withdraw money. I suddenly felt faint and wasn’t sure what to do. I turned to the woman behind me and told her I was about to pass out. “Don’t worry,” she told me. “I’ll save your place in line.” (I am not kidding.)

The next thing I knew, I was on the floor, and someone was trying to get me to have a sip from a can of Coke. All I could think was how much I hated Coke and I wondered why it was so important to her. She thought I was in a diabetic coma and wondered why I was refusing to drink it.

Let me tell you, that’s the fastest way to get to the head of a long line! A teller processed my transaction while I sat in a chair someone had brought over. Then the woman trying to force the cola on me kindly drove me home.

How about you? When was the time when someone was an angel in disguise for you I’ll bet you have more than one story. I know I do.

Likewise, there are times when you helped someone without giving it a second thought, a time when you were an angel in disguise.

I do believe there are actual angels who appear when we need help. But there are also times when Spirit puts us right where we’re needed most, a time when we’re the angel.

When you think about it, it’s truly beautiful.

What’s your story? Hit reply and tell me about it.