Years ago, I was with a group of friends watching the Packers play football. One woman kept thanking Jesus every time they scored and praying that they would when they were down. Does the Absolute answer prayers for football victories? I’m sure there were people praying for the other team. Who was God rooting for?

Similarly, when we pray for someone who has a terminal illness to live, can we expect our supplications to be answered? If everyone who was dying lived because of prayers for them, the earth would be overcrowded to the point that there wouldn’t be enough resources for everyone. We’re human. We have to die. That’s part of the contract. We carry a human body around and it’s subject to the laws of nature.

So, how effective is prayer? Scientifically speaking, very. There have been many double-blind studies done studying its success rate. A wound prayed over heals faster than one that isn’t. Plants grow faster with blessed water than with water right out of the tap. There is a strong connection between faith and healing.

But how we pray is as important as taking the time to pray in the fist place.

I should take a moment to say that we don’t need to believe in God to pray. We are all connected. Our healing thoughts suffice. Getting into a prayerful attitude is enough. We don’t have to send our words up to a third party for there to be results.

First, we should take a moment to remember that we don’t know what the best outcome is. As I said, we all have to die at some point. It’s always best to pray for the highest good. Spirit may your will be done. We can pray for understanding and acceptance, both ours and that of others. A prayer of noninterference where we are guided by prayer and compassion is better than trying to tell the Universe what to do.

If you’d like to delve deeper into this topic, I highly recommend Dr. Larry Dossey’s Prayer is Good Medicine. The author talks about the healing potential of prayer, when and how much to pray, and how prayer fits into the medical system. It’s a good read.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about hexes. Since then, I received a newsletter from Gina Spriggs and I attended a seminar with the spiritually gifted Sandra Taylor that have me thinking about this subject quite a bit.

Gina Spriggs owns a store called Curio, Craft & Conjure. She’s in the pro-curse camp. She says life isn’t all love and light. She says we curse people every day when we say Fuck you! if someone cuts us off in traffic or Damn you  or Go to hell for a similar injustice. When we do, we’re expressing our anger and setting boundaries.

Sandra Taylor has a ritual, a spell if you will, that isn’t a curse or hex and yet can shift the negative energy we experience when we’re angry or feeling powerless. It’s called freezing someone’s name.

Who gets your blood boiling every time you think of them? The kid who bullied you in middle school. The friend who betrayed you in high school. The ex-spouse who continues to take you to court. The relative who manages to ruin every holiday. That one neighbor who’s a real asshole. Think of them now. This is the person for whom you need to release the energy of attachment or difficult connection.

To soften or release that energy, write the full name of the person (or organization) at the top of a small piece of paper. Below that, write the full name again followed by is sealed in the light. Now take a whole lemon and make a slit in it. Fold the paper up and put it into the slit in the lemon. Place the lemon in the freezer.

This symbolic gesture works amazingly well to soften or even release the hard energy. Remember, your anger, your grudge, only hurts you.

If, after a couple of weeks, you still feel anger when you think of the person, dispose of the lemon with a ritual (burn it or bury it) and try again with a new lemon.

I love to hear from you, so let me know how it works once you’re tried it.

Instant Karma’s gonna get you, or so John Lennon sang. I’m reluctant to argue with the late Mr. Lennon, but… here goes.

In the 1960s, hundreds of thousands of westerners descended on India looking for magic and mystery. They believed that what was missing from their lives could be found in there and suddenly Eastern philosophies were being marketed to people who longed to be disciples. Much of the centuries-old teachings were changed. Karma Cola, as author Gita Mehta named it in her book of the same name.

So what is karma?

Here’s an analogy. If you and I each encounter a dog, I may see a ferocious animal while you see a friendly companion. Part of this is because we come into this life with our own unique perspectives. Part of it is our experience with dogs. Part of it comes from our imagination.

In the same way, our souls are conditioned by experience, in this life and in past lives. Those experiences influence our memory that then influences our interpretations and choices, creating our perspective. These tiny kernels build up in the individual soul over a lifetime. The combination of memory and imagination based on experience is called karma. Karma accumulates in the personal part of the soul and colors it.

The personal soul governs the conscience and provides a template for the kind of person we each turn out to be. In addition, the actions we take can effect our soul and change our karma, for better or worse.

But there is also a universal, nonlocal part of the soul that is not touched by our actions. It’s connected to a pure and unchanging spirit.

No matter how much of a mess we may have made of our lives, it is always possible to tap into the part of the soul that is universal and change the course of our destiny.

That’s karma in a nutshell—from a Westerner, yes. But I hope you see that karma is more than a what-goes-around-comes-around, quid-pro-quo, action-and-equal-but-opposite-reaction principle.

We can always take advantage of the connection between the personal soul and the universal soul to shape our lives, to co-create our reality now and in the future, both in this life and in lives to come.

Last October, I saw 888 everywhere. That’s the angel number for money and when I see it, I know my spirit team is telling me some money is coming my way. The first week of November two huge checks practically fell out of a clear blue sky, a refund I never hoped to see.

My spirit team is good about letting me know what’s coming up. I’ll see 555 if a positive change is on its way. Or 222 if I need to stay positive because life is unfolding exactly the way it should. Or 999 if something is about to end.

Then I suddenly experienced a loss. After communicating daily for years with a close friend, I was ghosted but hadn’t seen a single 999 anywhere and I railed at my spirit team. What the actual f*@&! Not cool, guys!

A few weeks later, on a British detective show I was watching, one of the characters looked like he was eating a Spam sandwich. I yelled to my husband, “I think dude’s eating a Spam sandwich!” And just to put an exclamation point on the subject, another character in the show said, “You’re eating a Spam sandwich?”

How often does Spam come up? Do you think my spirit team was trying to send me a message? Do you think I was bright enough to put two and two together and look in my email’s spam folder? Me, the one who is always telling people to watch for signs? The one who says to develop a lexicon with your guardians, guides and angels?

Sometimes we’re so attached to our pain that we can’t see the bright neon arrow pointing us to the answer.

When I finally (finally) checked my spam folder, I discovered that I hadn’t been ghosted and I hadn’t suffered a devastating loss after all. So many tears were shed for nothing.

The moral of the story is: pay attention to the synchronicities in your life. They’re not random. They’re not your guides having a laugh at your expense.

Keep following those breadcrumbs. Life is more magical than you believe.

When I was learning to read tarot cards, I offered readings on a site that provides them for free. I thought it would be a good way to get some practice.

But I soon tired of people wondering if their crush was equally crushing on them. Or if their current partner was being unfaithful. Or if their ex was ever coming back.

News flash: The answer is always already inside us. Any oracle we use (like tarot or oracle cards) simply helps to reveal what we already know. It’s providing the validation we seek when we’re unsure.

I pull a card every morning as my anchor for the day. I ask what I need to focus on that day as I shuffle and drop. Lately, I’ve been using Oracle of the 7 Energies.

The Oracle’s Gift has come up a few times lately. What I like about this card is that it speaks to asking for an answer from the Universe. Come on, Spirit, give me a sign! So often we believe that answers have to come from a source outside of us. We don’t always trust our intuition. We don’t think we have the power to see beyond time and space. Maybe we think that the mystical lies outside of us. Or perhaps we don’t trust our own wisdom.

News flash #2: The magic is inside of you. You are as magical as life itself. The mystical is within you and all around you.

If you want to work on spiritual development or do some shadow work, pulling an oracle or tarot card can point you in the right direction. But if you’re wondering if that cute guy has a crush on you, honey, just go ask him out.

 I recently got a new book, Sex Witch. I’ve been wanting to write about it, but I lost it. I never lose anything. Seriously. Was the Universe sending me a message?

But we all know how to find something lost. Buy another one. So I did. And two days later I found the original book.

There are so many good ideas and spells in Sex Witch: how to tap into the Divine Feminine, creating a sigil (a symbol with magical power) for self-confidence, a bedroom blessing… There are also some wild ideas like how to consecrate sex toys, a spell to unleash your kinks, harnessing the power of the orgasm… I was having a difficult time choosing what to write about.

I decided to do some bibliomancy. I set my intention and opened the book. The first thing I saw was Hex Your Rapist. On the facing page was Balance Karma. Oh, my. No.

Do hexes work? Yes. Do I want to take on that energy, the energy of anger and revenge? Never. Even the spell to balance karma was to speed up the negative payback on someone else.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be angry. If rage bubbles up, go ahead and seethe with fury. But use it to empower you, not to harm someone who harmed you. When you’re ready, send all their negative, hurtful energy back to them with light and love. Let the Universe deal with balancing karma.

There is a time for anger. There is a time for sobbing over the loser who broke your heart. And then there is a time for feeling beautiful and glamorous and knowing you are worth so much more. Here’s a Sex Witch’s suggestion for Boldness During a Breakup.

Make a playlist of your favorite songs and name it I’m Too Good for You. Listen to it while you do your hair and makeup so that you feel insanely hot, because after all, you are insanely hot. Write HOT BITCH on the mirror. The go forth, party, and get some! If your ex sees you, excellent. If your new lover sees the message on your mirror, even better.

I went out to run errands the other day. When I got to my first stop, I realized I had on two different shoes. One was soft black leather. The other was bright red patent leather.

Have you ever had that dream where you show up naked for school or work? What does Dream You do? Hide? Run for cover? Wrap a towel around yourself? Years ago, Dream Toni decided she was going to go with it. She adopted a this-is-exactly-how-I-wanted-to-look attitude. Could I do that in real life when it was only mismatched shoes? How much do I care what other people think of me?

Many of us, especially as we get older, say that we don’t care what others think of us. But if we’re honest, we probably do more than we let on.

We find it difficult to say no, especially if we don’t have a reason we think others will accept. Is wanting to stay home and watch the Bachelor a good enough excuse to not go to that Tupperware party all your gossipy neighbors will attend? Can you say no when a friend asks you to feed their cat because you don’t want to?
Of course you can. Will you? That depends on how much you care about what they’ll think.

I sat in my car outside the UPS store and considered my options. I could go home and change my shoes. Or I could finish my errands with a confidence that said two different shoes was the latest style. Remember when Lady Di started the trend of wearing two wristwatches? Or, if asked, I could admit that I’d absentmindedly stuck my feet into a dark closet.

I decided to go with the mismatched shoes. I’m pretty sure no one noticed. We’re typically too wrapped up in our own heads to notice what strangers have on. And if we do notice, do we care? And if we do care, is it a big deal?

Being authentic means caring what we think of ourselves. It means caring for ourselves. Watch your favorite show rather than do something that doesn’t interest you. Say no to cat-sitting because that’s not how you want to spend your time. Admit your mistakes, knowing that we’re all human and we all make them.

Be unapologetically you, flaws and all.

Do you like crowds? How do you react to sounds, hectic environments, and big personalities? Do they overwhelm you? Do you run from the faintest whiff of drama?

If you’re easily overwhelmed, you could be a Highly Sensitive Person. Are you intuitive? Empathetic? Are you sensitive to sounds, smells, and sensations? Do you need time to recharge? Do you take comfort in nature? Do you sometimes isolate yourself from others? Do you occasionally feel you don’t fit in? These are all traits of a Highly Sensitive Person.

Ok, so you’re a HSP. What are some of the pros and cons?

Being an HSP myself, I’ll tell you what it means from experience.

We love intensely. Our love is honest and like something most people haven’t experienced before. We see colors and shades others don’t. We are energetically sensitive and pick up on everything that’s happening around us. We are always in tune with those we love, experiencing bizarre synchronicities with them. Our love can feel alien because it’s unlike the love of people who aren’t highly sensitive. Some friends and lovers find our brand of love too intense.

People tend to tell us their problems. And I mean All. The. Time. We can’t help but care. This can be draining if we don’t set good boundaries.

I think being intuitive is fantastic, but others can be put off by it. They may not find mind-reading polite.

The bottom line is that you’ll need to work on your self-esteem if you’re an HSP. You’ll have to learn to say no; recognizing that your needs are just as important as the needs of others. You’ll have to take your time finding someone who can handle the intensity of your love. You will need to give yourself permission to recharge, to take time apart, to say no to social engagements. Remember to meditate and to walk in nature. Remember not to take in information and emotions that don’t pertain to you.

And above all, love your highly sensitive self. What a gift you’ve been given!

Is there ever really closure?

I can’t get enough of the show Cold Justice. I love watching Kelly Siegler try to solve cold cases in small towns. The relief the families feel when their loved one’s murderer is arrested is almost palpable.

But Kelly and her team don’t always find the killer. I wonder if the families are able to move on. I wonder if I could if I were in their shoes.

We all experience losses we don’t understand. My daughter’s husband walked out on her when her youngest daughter was only eight weeks old. Why did he do that? My sister’s husband was killed when a tree fell and crushed his car at a traffic light. Why was he there at the moment the tree fell? My son and daughter-in-law suffered the devastating miscarriage of their first child.

Someone we love suddenly stops answering our messages. A friend no longer returns our calls. Sometimes we can ask why. Sometimes, we don’t get the opportunity. And if we do ask, does the answer satisfy us? Or does it lead to more questions?

Years ago, I performed a marriage ceremony for a couple. Less than a year later, one spouse up and left. The other called me repeatedly to ask why. Why, why, why? I don’t think any explanation she received would have been enough; it would only lead to more whys. No amount of pleading or yelling could elicit an answer that would fill the void her grief had created.

Can we live with the ambiguity?

Do we have a choice?

Can we remember that the Universe has a complicated interwoven design we don’t always understand? Can we trust Spirit‘s plan and timing? Can we remember that when pain cracks us wide open, we become more vulnerable and authentic?

Our compassion and empathy grow through loss. Grief hurts like hell. We can feel the pain physically as well as emotionally. To me, it feels like being hit in the chest with a shovel, my heart aches so painfully.  It saps our mental strength. To be blunt, it sucks. But over time, when we’re ready, something beautiful grows from out of the manure.

In seventh grade, at Lakeshore Middle School in Mequon, Wisconsin, we got to choose an elective. There were so many I was interested in, but I signed up for yoga. I couldn’t get enough of it. When the school year was over, I signed up for the yoga instructor’s class through the community center.

This wasn’t just any yoga class. It was kundalini yoga. What we in the West know as kundalini yoga is a mix of Bhakti yoga (devotion and chanting), Raja yoga (meditation), and Shakti yoga (the expression of power and energy). It is a powerful practice that I kept up for many years.

I recently had the opportunity to join spiritual teacher Kyle Gray in an eleven-day energy-clearing “challenge.” After that, there was a four-day “challenge” to raise your vibration, which was based in kundalini practices. This was all smart marketing on Kyle Gray’s part because at the end of the “challenges,” he trotted out his paid subscription program. I signed up immediately. I had forgotten how much I loved the practice.

I probably wouldn’t have given Kyle Gray’s newsletter announcing the “challenge” a second glance except that I now have a spiritual accountability partner, Jennifer. I need some things to be accountable for. How dull to say each time I meet with Jennifer, “I’ll just keep the same goals as last time.”

Here’s where my line You can’t make this shit up comes into it. I met Jennifer at Lakeshore Middle School in Mequon, Wisconsin.

This is the woman who I was led to reconnect with through a session with my psychic friend Lindsay. All the clues she was giving me during our session led me to believe my spirit guides wanted me to contact Jennifer. But how? I hadn’t seen her in many, many years. Then I remembered that I had a booklet from a class reunion that had email addresses. Would the email still be good? I sent her a message trying not to sound like a kook (My psychic friend says my guides and yours are trying to get us together. Write me back. I promise I’m not crazy.)

The email went through. Jennifer wrote back and said she didn’t think I was crazy because she channels Spirit. And the rest is history.

What I’m trying to say is, follow the breadcrumbs Spirit leaves for you. You never know what wild ride awaits you. It’s bound to be something wonderful, beyond your imagination.