I recently got a new book, Sex Witch. I’ve been wanting to write about it, but I lost it. I never lose anything. Seriously. Was the Universe sending me a message?

But we all know how to find something lost. Buy another one. So I did. And two days later I found the original book.

There are so many good ideas and spells in Sex Witch: how to tap into the Divine Feminine, creating a sigil (a symbol with magical power) for self-confidence, a bedroom blessing… There are also some wild ideas like how to consecrate sex toys, a spell to unleash your kinks, harnessing the power of the orgasm… I was having a difficult time choosing what to write about.

I decided to do some bibliomancy. I set my intention and opened the book. The first thing I saw was Hex Your Rapist. On the facing page was Balance Karma. Oh, my. No.

Do hexes work? Yes. Do I want to take on that energy, the energy of anger and revenge? Never. Even the spell to balance karma was to speed up the negative payback on someone else.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be angry. If rage bubbles up, go ahead and seethe with fury. But use it to empower you, not to harm someone who harmed you. When you’re ready, send all their negative, hurtful energy back to them with light and love. Let the Universe deal with balancing karma.

There is a time for anger. There is a time for sobbing over the loser who broke your heart. And then there is a time for feeling beautiful and glamorous and knowing you are worth so much more. Here’s a Sex Witch’s suggestion for Boldness During a Breakup.

Make a playlist of your favorite songs and name it I’m Too Good for You. Listen to it while you do your hair and makeup so that you feel insanely hot, because after all, you are insanely hot. Write HOT BITCH on the mirror. The go forth, party, and get some! If your ex sees you, excellent. If your new lover sees the message on your mirror, even better.

I went out to run errands the other day. When I got to my first stop, I realized I had on two different shoes. One was soft black leather. The other was bright red patent leather.

Have you ever had that dream where you show up naked for school or work? What does Dream You do? Hide? Run for cover? Wrap a towel around yourself? Years ago, Dream Toni decided she was going to go with it. She adopted a this-is-exactly-how-I-wanted-to-look attitude. Could I do that in real life when it was only mismatched shoes? How much do I care what other people think of me?

Many of us, especially as we get older, say that we don’t care what others think of us. But if we’re honest, we probably do more than we let on.

We find it difficult to say no, especially if we don’t have a reason we think others will accept. Is wanting to stay home and watch the Bachelor a good enough excuse to not go to that Tupperware party all your gossipy neighbors will attend? Can you say no when a friend asks you to feed their cat because you don’t want to?
Of course you can. Will you? That depends on how much you care about what they’ll think.

I sat in my car outside the UPS store and considered my options. I could go home and change my shoes. Or I could finish my errands with a confidence that said two different shoes was the latest style. Remember when Lady Di started the trend of wearing two wristwatches? Or, if asked, I could admit that I’d absentmindedly stuck my feet into a dark closet.

I decided to go with the mismatched shoes. I’m pretty sure no one noticed. We’re typically too wrapped up in our own heads to notice what strangers have on. And if we do notice, do we care? And if we do care, is it a big deal?

Being authentic means caring what we think of ourselves. It means caring for ourselves. Watch your favorite show rather than do something that doesn’t interest you. Say no to cat-sitting because that’s not how you want to spend your time. Admit your mistakes, knowing that we’re all human and we all make them.

Be unapologetically you, flaws and all.

Do you like crowds? How do you react to sounds, hectic environments, and big personalities? Do they overwhelm you? Do you run from the faintest whiff of drama?

If you’re easily overwhelmed, you could be a Highly Sensitive Person. Are you intuitive? Empathetic? Are you sensitive to sounds, smells, and sensations? Do you need time to recharge? Do you take comfort in nature? Do you sometimes isolate yourself from others? Do you occasionally feel you don’t fit in? These are all traits of a Highly Sensitive Person.

Ok, so you’re a HSP. What are some of the pros and cons?

Being an HSP myself, I’ll tell you what it means from experience.

We love intensely. Our love is honest and like something most people haven’t experienced before. We see colors and shades others don’t. We are energetically sensitive and pick up on everything that’s happening around us. We are always in tune with those we love, experiencing bizarre synchronicities with them. Our love can feel alien because it’s unlike the love of people who aren’t highly sensitive. Some friends and lovers find our brand of love too intense.

People tend to tell us their problems. And I mean All. The. Time. We can’t help but care. This can be draining if we don’t set good boundaries.

I think being intuitive is fantastic, but others can be put off by it. They may not find mind-reading polite.

The bottom line is that you’ll need to work on your self-esteem if you’re an HSP. You’ll have to learn to say no; recognizing that your needs are just as important as the needs of others. You’ll have to take your time finding someone who can handle the intensity of your love. You will need to give yourself permission to recharge, to take time apart, to say no to social engagements. Remember to meditate and to walk in nature. Remember not to take in information and emotions that don’t pertain to you.

And above all, love your highly sensitive self. What a gift you’ve been given!

Is there ever really closure?

I can’t get enough of the show Cold Justice. I love watching Kelly Siegler try to solve cold cases in small towns. The relief the families feel when their loved one’s murderer is arrested is almost palpable.

But Kelly and her team don’t always find the killer. I wonder if the families are able to move on. I wonder if I could if I were in their shoes.

We all experience losses we don’t understand. My daughter’s husband walked out on her when her youngest daughter was only eight weeks old. Why did he do that? My sister’s husband was killed when a tree fell and crushed his car at a traffic light. Why was he there at the moment the tree fell? My son and daughter-in-law suffered the devastating miscarriage of their first child.

Someone we love suddenly stops answering our messages. A friend no longer returns our calls. Sometimes we can ask why. Sometimes, we don’t get the opportunity. And if we do ask, does the answer satisfy us? Or does it lead to more questions?

Years ago, I performed a marriage ceremony for a couple. Less than a year later, one spouse up and left. The other called me repeatedly to ask why. Why, why, why? I don’t think any explanation she received would have been enough; it would only lead to more whys. No amount of pleading or yelling could elicit an answer that would fill the void her grief had created.

Can we live with the ambiguity?

Do we have a choice?

Can we remember that the Universe has a complicated interwoven design we don’t always understand? Can we trust Spirit‘s plan and timing? Can we remember that when pain cracks us wide open, we become more vulnerable and authentic?

Our compassion and empathy grow through loss. Grief hurts like hell. We can feel the pain physically as well as emotionally. To me, it feels like being hit in the chest with a shovel, my heart aches so painfully.  It saps our mental strength. To be blunt, it sucks. But over time, when we’re ready, something beautiful grows from out of the manure.

In seventh grade, at Lakeshore Middle School in Mequon, Wisconsin, we got to choose an elective. There were so many I was interested in, but I signed up for yoga. I couldn’t get enough of it. When the school year was over, I signed up for the yoga instructor’s class through the community center.

This wasn’t just any yoga class. It was kundalini yoga. What we in the West know as kundalini yoga is a mix of Bhakti yoga (devotion and chanting), Raja yoga (meditation), and Shakti yoga (the expression of power and energy). It is a powerful practice that I kept up for many years.

I recently had the opportunity to join spiritual teacher Kyle Gray in an eleven-day energy-clearing “challenge.” After that, there was a four-day “challenge” to raise your vibration, which was based in kundalini practices. This was all smart marketing on Kyle Gray’s part because at the end of the “challenges,” he trotted out his paid subscription program. I signed up immediately. I had forgotten how much I loved the practice.

I probably wouldn’t have given Kyle Gray’s newsletter announcing the “challenge” a second glance except that I now have a spiritual accountability partner, Jennifer. I need some things to be accountable for. How dull to say each time I meet with Jennifer, “I’ll just keep the same goals as last time.”

Here’s where my line You can’t make this shit up comes into it. I met Jennifer at Lakeshore Middle School in Mequon, Wisconsin.

This is the woman who I was led to reconnect with through a session with my psychic friend Lindsay. All the clues she was giving me during our session led me to believe my spirit guides wanted me to contact Jennifer. But how? I hadn’t seen her in many, many years. Then I remembered that I had a booklet from a class reunion that had email addresses. Would the email still be good? I sent her a message trying not to sound like a kook (My psychic friend says my guides and yours are trying to get us together. Write me back. I promise I’m not crazy.)

The email went through. Jennifer wrote back and said she didn’t think I was crazy because she channels Spirit. And the rest is history.

What I’m trying to say is, follow the breadcrumbs Spirit leaves for you. You never know what wild ride awaits you. It’s bound to be something wonderful, beyond your imagination.

Somewhere inside, we hear a voice. It leads us in the direction of the person we wish to become. But it is up to us whether or not to follow.
                                                     –Pat Tillman, former NFL player

“You’re not the first psychic who’s said I’m on the brink of something big.” I’ve had multiple clients say that or something similar to me. They usually follow it up with, “But when is it going to happen?”

Guess what—big change doesn’t typically happen on its own. And if it does, we don’t usually like it because it comes in the form of the death of a loved one, a cancer diagnosis, a surprise divorce or getting fired.

Positive Change with a capital C is up to us. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. Even then, you probably won’t win, but you know what I mean.

Who do you want to be at the end of your life? What do you want others to say about you? What compliment would blow you away if you overheard it after your death? She was the most spiritual person I ever met. Or He loved his family more than seemed possible. Or Did you know she’s the one who invented the next best thing since cold canned beer (or sliced bread or the paper napkin or whatever you consider the pinnacle of achievement)? Or maybe Secretly, he and his wife were philanthropists along the lines of Andrew Carnegie or Dolly Parton.

What is the voice inside you leading you to become? What big step do you need to take to become that person? What small step can you make in the direction of that big step?

When all is said and done, more is said than is ever done. What action can you take right this minute to follow the voice within you?

I just got back from a vacation in Mexico. The weather wasn’t ideal, it was windy, cloudy, and rainy, but that didn’t stop me from jumping in the pool and floating down the lazy river with a Miami Vice cocktail.

You know how when you first get into the water to swim it’s cold, but you eventually no longer notice? You get used to it. The same thing happens in our day-to-day life. It’s called habituation. The neurons in our brains stop responding to things that don’t change.

This is a good thing when we’re experiencing negative emotions such as grief. The feelings lessen over time. But when it comes to positive things, we enjoy them less as we get used to them.

When we experience something new, it stimulates the release of dopamine which creates feelings of pleasure. It improves our mood, allows us to focus, and gets us motivated.

This creates a feedback loop that pushes us to seek out more novelty so that we continue to feel happy.

And it’s so easy to do. If you like to walk, change your route. Even walking it in the opposite direction you usually do can get you started. Visit a new coffee shop or try a new beverage at your regular place.

Mid-level ideas include rearranging your furniture or moving the art around so that you see it again. Listen to a different radio station and expose yourself to either a new genre of music or something more contemporary than the same songs you’ve been listening to for the last thirty years.

And if you want to go big, plan a vacation to somewhere you’ve never been before. Or try a new mode of transportation like taking a train across the country or booking a river cruise. You can volunteer for a worthy cause and meet new people. Sign up for a class. Go to the opera. You get the idea.

Do something new. Watch how it changes your mood and makes you a happier you.

The other day, the Chariot came up as my card of the day. And then I pulled it the next day, too. A stalker card. I guess it’s trying to get my attention.

One of its meanings is a need to streamline opposing desires. Do I want to be pain-free? Yes. Do I also want to eat bread and pasta which aggravate my bursitis? You know it.

And to cement its attempts to get my attention, about ten minutes after I pulled that card, I got an email with a tarot card spread for manifestation-clarity. It said,

Do you dream of something more in life, but aren’t quite sure what that looks like? Maybe you want a bigger house but also dream of giving it all up to travel the world. Or you hope for love but worry you might lose yourself in a relationship. Or you like the idea of starting your own business but enjoy the security of working for someone else…

Those are all opposing desires. Do you think the Universe is trying to get my attention?

The question for the first card of the spread included in the email was What does my Highest Self truly want to manifest?

You’ll note that this question isn’t about which of the two desires to go with. It’s asking for the internal True North. Which way does my compass point? What does it look like when I align with my Highest Self’s desire?

I used Colette Baron-Reid’s Oracle of the 7 Energies deck for this question. The card I received was The Uncharted Sea.

The card is about moving out of one’s comfort zone, doing things differently and knowing that everything will turn out well. It says, “Embarking on this journey is essential for your well-being.” And it’s right. I love being curious, trying new things, exploring wonderful new places in the world as well as inside myself.

Now it’s your turn. If you have an oracle card deck, as you shuffle and choose a card, focus on the question What does my Highest Self truly want to manifest? (Or you can journal on the question.) Then spend time asking yourself:

• When I align with this truth (the card you receive), how is my life different?
• What limiting beliefs keep me from aligning with this truth?
• And what intention should I focus on to bring this truth to life?

Let me know what you pull and what it means to you.

Spring has finally sprung! And you know what that means—it’s time for me to bring in a shovel to dig my way out of all the paper that’s accumulated in my office.

Spring cleaning rituals have been around almost forever. Some historians believe they started as far back as 3000 BCE. We have always felt called to be in sync with nature as the days get longer and brighter.

This is the perfect time to clean the windows and then open them to let in the fresh air. But you know that. Here are some ways to spring clean your energy.

• Smudge the corners using white sage or palo santo. Move that chair, cabinet, plant stand, whatever it is that never gets moved out of the corners of your rooms and smudge. Start at the floor and let the smoke waft up to the ceiling.
• Make a list of the things that are weighing you down. They can be physical, emotional, or spiritual. They can be people, situations, or things. They can be tasks, habits, or relationships. Take a long look at this list. What can you eliminate to lighten your load? Do it.
• Make a second list, this one of changes you’ve been wanting to make. They could be big, like finally moving to the city that’s been calling out to you. Or small, like updating your wardrobe. Just remember that cutting your bangs is rarely a good idea.
• Sit and imagine what it would be like to be renewed. What would that look like? How does a new beginning feel? If you could have a fresh start, how would it change you? You can have that fresh start. Choose a word or phrase to inspire and motivate you.

While you’re at it, go through your keepsakes and pass on one or two things to someone who’d love them. Donate to a worthy cause, either money or time. Look at your subscriptions and discontinue any you’re not actively using.

The more we let go, the more room we have for something fresh to enter our lives. Let go of the old energy and embrace the new.

This is the after photo. I’d be too embarrassed to show you the before!

You’re familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages, aren’t you? He says they are words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. If you don’t know yours and like taking quizzes, you can do it here.

But what I want to know is what is your unique love language?

Sure, I love to receive a gift, whether it’s something that sparkles or hickory nuts someone found and knew I’d like. Or hearing someone say Let me do that for you makes me feel well taken care of. But you know what really makes my heart sing? Crazy synchronicities with someone.

For example, a friend sent me the lyrics to that awful song from the 70s Signs (torture yourself with it here) and the next day I just happened to flip to it on the radio. Or I’m telling a friend about seeing Spike Lee at a Bulls game at the United Center back in the day—and then found out I was relaying the story on Spike Lee’s birthday. Synchronicities like this make me feel so, well, in sync with someone I love.

I also feel connected to someone when they know what I’m thinking without my having to say more than a word or two. It usually sounds something like this,
Me: Where’s..
Them: On the bathroom counter.

It’s probably no surprise that a psychic medium feels love and connection through synchronicity and telepathy. Another one of my unique love languages is inside jokes. Well, maybe not entirely unique. I have a friend who kiddingly says she stays with her husband because it would take too long to establish inside jokes with someone new.

What’s yours? Do you feel taken care of when you don’t have to be the first one up in the morning? Could you die from sheer delight if someone makes you a cup of coffee just the way you like it? Would you do anything for someone who doesn’t always make you choose where to go out to eat or what TV show to watch in the evening? Or maybe the opposite—lets you wield the remote.

Asking what someone’s unique love language is a great question when you want to get to know someone better—even if you think you already know all about them.