Years ago, my husband and I were on a cruise with his coworkers. All of them. And their families.

Being an introvert, I tried to find quiet places away from everyone else. Why didn’t I simply sit on the balcony outside our cabin?

Because I was afraid I’d jump off.

I wasn’t depressed or suicidal. Still, the ocean’s depths called me.

It turns out most people feel this way when faced with the edge of a cliff or a ship’s balcony. There’s even a name for it, the call of the void. Existential philosophers like Søren Kierkegaard and Jean-Paul Sartre used the term the vertigo of possibility to describe the anxiety that arises when we become aware of our freedom and the endless possibilities before us. My mind was blown (like most people’s) when I realized at that moment, I had the freedom to live or die.

I didn’t know this was common until I read Liane Moriarty’s Here One Moment (it’s a rather good book, by the way). I thought if I mentioned my fear to anyone, they’d think I was crazy. Or keep a constant eye on me. Or suggest in-patient psychiatric treatment.

What is one of your biggest insecurities? What experience do you tell very few, if any, people because you worry about how they’ll react?

Now, imagine you tell someone you hold in high regard. Imagine they react in a way that makes you feel seen and understood instead of judged. Imagine your fear is met instead with acceptance and validation rather than rejection or derision.

We can’t change how others react to us, unfortunately. But we can change our reaction to others.

If we like, we can make acceptance and validation our superpower.

You. Are. Magic.

You matter. You have had an impact on people. There are the obvious examples—your friends, your children (if you have any), your siblings (again, if you have any), coworkers. Probably neighbors. Maybe strangers.

But you have also touched the lives of people you’ve never met.

When I get there, she’s got intertwining candles… My husband was singing Rick James’s “Super Freak” the other day.

Intertwining candles? Learn the words! I yelled at him from across the house.

Learn the words is something we’ve been saying to each other for almost thirty years. He and an ex-girlfriend used to say it because the ex’s friend’s fiancé yelled it at her once when she sang some mangled lyric. I never met the ex, let alone her friend or the friend’s fiancé. And yet learn the words is a part of our daily lives.

I have a handkerchief from the father of the concierge of the small hotel I stayed at in Istanbul. My father gave me a piano that I’m guessing gave someone joy many years ago—but I have no idea who. I collect crazy things on my walks, like a pair of dice, an angel-wing pendant, a business card for someone named Jim May who bills himself as a storyteller. All these people who have touched my life and who have no idea.

Maybe someone makes your mincemeat pie recipe. Or uses your birthday as their PIN because you were best friends in grade school. Or an ex still has a shirt you left at his house.

Our lives are made up of so many people and their significance can live on long after they leave.

And in the same way, it’s a comfort to know that there are so many lives you’re still a part of that you have no idea about.

It’s a comfort to know that you matter. And the fact that you matter is in no small way a part of your magic.

So, there I was, driving through a beautiful spring morning, fuming over something my practice husband said over thirty years ago. I shook my head to clear it and tried to backtrack over my thoughts to see how I had ended up replaying that particular movie.

The fact is, our brains are playing movies all day, every day. Back when we were cave people, these simulations (as they’re called in scientific circles) were beneficial. They kept us alive. But now? We don’t need to vividly remember what happened to Dratzog when he got too close to that big thing with the tusks.

Simulations pull us out of the present. There we are, sitting through a presentation at work or running errands, and suddenly we’re a thousand miles (or thirty years) away, caught up in a mini movie.

We can only find happiness, love and fulfillment in the present, and being miles and years away keeps us out of the present.

Similarly, we can do this for future events. If I say X, of course she’ll say Y. That’s just like her. I can’t stand that. Or her, for that matter. It hasn’t even happened yet and we’re already incensed. Most of the scenarios we envision never happen. And if they do, they’re rarely as painful as we imagined.

Unfortunately, the more often we allow these mini movies to play, the stronger the neural associations between an event and its painful associations become. This brings us pain in the present when we could enjoy whatever pleasant things are actually happening.

One way to pull yourself back to the present is to remind yourself that in this moment, everything is perfect (or wonderful, or fine). It’s an affirmation I use frequently. The more I use it, the more I see the truth of it. In this moment, everything is perfect.

If your brain rejects that affirmation, try this one: Everything is unfolding beautifully.

Stay present. Because in this moment, everything is perfect and everything is unfolding beautifully. 

Last week, I promised to show you how to create your own sigil (find last week’s post on sigils here).

What’s a sigil? It’s a magical symbol used for attraction, manifestation, or protection. It’s a way to bypass your logical brain and get to the mystical.

First, decide what you want to attract or manifest and write it down. Use positive verbs in the present tense. So, I am deeply loved rather than I don’t want to be alone. Avoid using want because you might create more wanting instead of the thing you want. Be as concise and specific as possible.

Now it’s time to decide how artistic you’re going to be. If you’re feeling creative, use some symbols to represent what you want: a heart for love, a diamond for wealth, an arrow for forward motion, a sun for happiness… you get the picture.

Above is an example of a sigil for good luck. Can you spot the symbols used and what they mean? If not, that’s ok. This is supposed to be highly personal.
If you’re not feeling artistic, look at the phrase or sentence you wrote for what you want. Cross out the vowels and any repeating letters. Now, arrange the letters into a unique pattern.

Here’s an example. What I’d like to manifest is health, so my sentence is

            I AM HEALTHY

Taking out the vowels and repeating letters, I’m left with

            H L T Y M

I arranged them like this

And then added some flair with dots, lines, crescents, and a star.

Keep your sigil where you can see it. Or draw it on your body with scented oil. Or carve it into a candle with a pin and let the candle burn out (safely, please). Or write it in the sand with a stick and let the waves take it to the Universe. Write it in chalk and let the rain carry it away. Do whatever feels right for getting your intention out where it can become reality.

If you could be any animal, what would it be? A bright cardinal gliding on the breeze? A dolphin collaborating with its pod mates? An elephant breaking down barriers?

Some days, I’d rather be an animal because their nervous systems aren’t complex enough to allow worries to become distress.

I’m reading Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom by Rick Hanson. In it, he says,

“…our vastly more developed brain is fertile ground for a harvest of suffering. Only we humans worry about the future, regret the past, and blame ourselves for the present. We get frustrated when we can’t have what we want, and disappointed when we what we like ends. We suffer that we suffer. We get upset about being in pain, angry about dying, sad about waking up sad yet another day.”

The author talks about mindfulness, that skillful use of attention to both our inner and outer worlds.

He also talks about wisdom, which is applied common sense. In other words, understanding what hurts us and what helps us. And once we understand that, we let go of what hurts and do more of what helps.

As a result, over time, we feel more connected with everything. We’re more serene about how things change and eventually end. We can meet pleasure and pain without grasping at one and struggling with the other.

Kate Bast (who I recently did the Alpha Female retreat with) and I will be offering four workshops at Three Waters Reserve to help with mindfulness, wisdom, and connection. The first is happening on May 24^th, 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.

It’s called Let It Go: The Art of Finding Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Space. Just as a garden grows lushly when it has room to spread out, so do our psyches. By decluttering and getting rid of objects, memories, and limiting beliefs that no longer serve us, we can expand and grow.

We will explore journaling techniques and energy clearing indoors before we head out to experience the benefits of forest bathing (click here for more information on forest bathing).

Mark your calendar. I’ll let you know when registration opens.

And P.S. I’d choose to be a seal. They’re so playful and always look like they’re having a blast.

I’ve talked about sigils before. A sigil is a symbol with a magical or mystical meaning. It comes from the Latin word sigillum, which means seal. It’s the root of words like “sign”, “signature”, and “signal”.

The word originally meant the signature of an angel, demon, or spirit. They were representations of the real names of the spirit and gave a practitioner of magic some control over the spirit.

It reminds me of the symbol Prince chose when he became The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.

These days, in the Woo-niverse, sigils aren’t used to call on spirits. Instead, they’re created to set a personal intention or goal. It’s a creative shorthand for what you want to manifest.

So, why not simply write your intention on a slip of paper?

Words are what our rational mind uses. When we want to manifest a desire, we need our subconscious involved. It’s similar to tarot cards. We could use notecards that say Legacy or Make a Wish or Free Yourself, but the imagery connects to something deep and intuitive.

I’ll talk about creating your own sigil next week. For today, I’ll give you one you can use.

This is one to get you unstuck. It has elements of movement and creativity. It gives feelings of freedom and joy.

How to use it? When things just aren’t flowing like they should or when you need some inspiration, draw it in the sand and let the waves wash it away. Draw it on a leaf and let the wind carry it off. Or draw it on a piece of paper and keep it visible during

• a waning moon to remove blockages,
• a waxing moon to move things along,
• a full moon for a creative push,
• a new moon to feel recharged.

Do I talk to myself? Of course I do. We all do. When you swear at the jerk who cut you off in traffic (“Hey, a$$hole, is it turn signal-optional day?!”), you don’t think he can hear you, do you?

Some people talk to themselves more than others. Only children, for example. Oldest siblings, too (we also tend to have imaginary friends more often, which can look like we’re talking to ourselves 😉). Older adults also talk to themselves because they are less likely to care what others think of them (me every week in the grocery store). People who live alone chit-chat to themselves to keep themselves company.

It doesn’t matter if you do; it’s perfectly normal. What matters is how you talk to yourself.

You might mutter to yourself when you’re annoyed, hoping your spouse will hear and ask if you want to talk about it. Or you might beat yourself up out loud. “Why did you do that? Idiot!” These are (obviously) not productive uses of what’s known as external self-talk or private speech.

Gary Lupyan, a psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison (shout out to my alma mater!) has researched self-talk. He says that it facilitates problem-solving and helps you perform tasks such as searching for an object (“Where did I leave my damn keys?). It keeps you focused, especially in a situation that requires a lot of different steps because speech is linear and thoughts typically aren’t.

Studies have found many benefits such as letting off steam, making sense of that big jumble of thoughts, and self-soothing.

Two uses you may not have thought of for self-talk are canceling negative thinking and giving yourself a mini pep talk.

I took a class with tarot and angel expert Radleigh Valentine where he told us to say out loud, “Stop. Cancel. Delete.” when a negative thought enters our head. This technique keeps our attitude positive and maintains a flow of beneficial energy to and from us.

You can also be your own wise coach. You can tell yourself something simple like, “You got this!” or use an affirmation, “I have everything I need to get through this.” Or “This isn’t going to last forever. I can feel unpleasant and safe at the same time.”

The biggest benefit? Self-talk allows you to feel seen by yourself. And when that happens, you can allow others to see you.

Do you remember The Secret? It was a 2006 bestseller by Rhonda Byrne which introduced many of us to the law of attraction. Byrne claimed that thinking and acting like you already have what you want will attract that energy to you and fulfill your desire. Want to be rich? Think and act like a rich person.

But there was a flaw in The Secret. The secret ingredient to The Secret is action. Think, act as if, and put in the effort.

I was reminded of this when I stumbled across Grabovoi codes a couple of weeks ago. Russian psychic Grigori Grabovoi invented the codes in 1999. He believed that the codes could alter a person’s electromagnetic field and change their health, wellness, wealth, or whatever they desired.

The idea is that you can manifest your desires, or make your dreams a reality, by saying the codes out loud while concentrating on what you want. It’s like The Secret plus a sequence of numbers.
Here are the steps.

1. Go somewhere quiet where you can concentrate on what you want.
2. Choose the code you want to work with and write it down.
3. Say the code out loud while visualizing what you want. (If there is a space in the code, pause at the space before going on.)
4. Feel gratitude and love.
5. Take action. Apply for a job while using the code to manifest money. Ask someone out while using the code for love. Change your diet while using the code for health.
6. Let go of expectations and let the Universe deliver.

Here are some of the codes.

• Manifest love: 888 412 1289018
• Manifest romance: 973594066
• Attract your soulmate: 973594066
• Manifest money: 9798733714615
• Financial independence: 3657745
• Find a job: 93151 864 1491
• Lose weight 5343168
• Boost memory 589 3240
• Heal your body 9187948181
• Improve your luck 817219738
• Be at peace 1001105010

 I’m going to work with 9187948181, heal your body. How about you? Let me know how it goes.

This morning, I saw a link to a quiz on Instagram, Which Feminine Archetype Are You? I took the quiz and was then disappointed to learn they wanted money to reveal the answer. I kept my cash and scrolled on.

Have you ever taken a personality quiz? Read a self-help book? Looked at an astrology column? Haven’t we all?

Maybe not.

Christoph Heine, a psychologist and personality researcher at Witten/Herdecke University in Germany, and his colleagues investigated what they call the “self-insight motive” and found that some people have more of it than others. It’s a personality trait that varies between individuals just as introversion and extroversion do.

Maybe you’ve noticed this, too. Maybe, like me, you’ve had someone tell you that they’re not into self-reflection. And maybe, like me, you could hardly believe your ears.

Here’s what Heine found. The typical person with a strong desire for self-insight is relatively young, educated, open to new experiences, and concerned about maintaining close relationships. They are curious and constantly looking for ways to improve themselves.

This description reminds me of my friend Michelle, who is always seeking that kernel of personal truth. Or my friend Lindsay, who is always ready to delve into esoteric topics with me. One thing these two have in common, along with most of my friends, is a love of deep, meaningful conversations.

But here’s the rub. The path to genuine self-understanding involves challenging hurdles and uncomfortable truths. You can read a self-help book, but unless you put to work the techniques outlined by the author, you haven’t gained much. Motivation without follow-through doesn’t get you far. What’s more, if you ask others for feedback, you need to ask people who will be honest with you. What good is a half-truth or outright lie told to spare your feelings?

Self-insight can be empowering. When I found out my Myers-Briggs type is rare in women (INTJ), I felt a sense of relief. So that’s why people have told me I’m  assertive or even aggressive! It’s who I am. It’s not going to change. And it’s why I’m the one people call when they need something done now.

The key is to learn who you are and lean into it. Be boldly, authentically you, whoever that may be.

Our spirit teams are always with us. Always.

But there are times when we feel they’re ignoring us. We ask for help and get… nothing but crickets chirping.

Why?

Imagine this scenario: You feel stuck. You know something must change, but what? What’s the right thing to do? You call out to your spirit guides and angels. Help! I need to know what my next step is for my highest good! Then, every day for the next week, you call out again. Hey! Where’s my answer?

You feel your spirit team, even Spirit itself, has abandoned you.

But did you let your guides and angels know how you wanted them to communicate with you? Maybe they’re leaving sigils made of twigs on the path you walk every day. Or they might be speaking to you in the language of animals. Perhaps they figured you were going to use that old I Ching that’s been gathering dust on your bookshelf.

Did you tell them how to communicate with you? Or were you expecting them to slip a note under your pillow one night?

Dear You,
Leave that soul-sucking job and apply at Kismet Tech. You’re a shoo-in!
Love,
Your Spirit Team
P.S. You need to drink more water.
P.P.S. That cute guy at Starbucks has a crush on you. Ask him out.

That’s not going to happen.

Tell your team how you want them to communicate with you. Make it clear. If you’d like a suggestion, get an oracle card deck. I highly recommend Colette Baron-Reid’s Wisdom of the Oracle. Each card has a general meaning, a relationship message, and a prosperity message (depending on your question), as well as what it means if the card is upside down. You may also like one of Sandra Anne Taylor’s oracle card decks. Each card has both a meaning and an affirmation.

Start with only one deck. Get to know it by using it. Pull a card daily. What do I need to know today? or Who do I need to be today? It will take a while for you and your spirit team to speak the same language. That is, for you to properly interpret what they’re saying.

But once you let them know how you want them to communicate with you, watch out! They’ll have a lot to tell you.