Moderation in all things… including moderation

I asked my deck which card I should blog about this week. I should have known better.

Temperance.

Two weeks ago, I had a session with a woman, Shantel Leigh, who does shamanic healing. In my line of work, it’s important to keep your energy in balance.

When I clear someone’s energy, I also get a mini-clearing. But clearing out too much too fast feels like a purge. It’s unpleasant rather than gentle; the emotional equivalent of Drano. Add to that the Lion’s Gate Portal we just had with the new moon back on the eighth and, well…

My sincere apologies to anyone who feels dealing with me was like reaching into a burlap sack and pulling out a rattle snake.

What did Shantel have to say? Nurture the inner child who’s never come out before. Allow my masculine side to integrate with the Divine Feminine within. Give myself an entire self-care day. Get into nature. Find the humor in life, lighten up. Detox. (I’m talking to you, sugar)

In other words, Temperance.

How do we get so out of balance?

We tip the scales when we put our focus on one thing, whether it’s work, our children, checking off the to-do list that doesn’t have self-care on it, or even spirituality.

Too much spirituality? Is there such a thing? I believe there is. We lose our sense of grounding when we constantly seek to have mystical experiences, when we spend too much time studying the magical, when we meditate for two hours a day. Our spirits came here to have an earthly experience. If we didn’t want to live in human form, we would not have chosen to be born.

Balance and temperance lead to alchemy. How can we create a purposeful blend that nourishes wholeness?

  1. Make sure you are on your agenda. What can you do to nurture yourself every day?
  2. Get grounded at least once a day. Go outside and put your feet in the grass or dirt. Be in your body by taking deep rhythmic breaths for a minute (get an app to remind you if you don’t already have one).
  3. Give yourself a bedtime and respect it.
  4. Eat properly which means both nutritiously and giving your inner child a small treat.
  5. Connect with a friend. We have so many ways to do this and it only takes five or ten minutes a day.

Make technology work for you. Set reminders on your phone. I knew someone who even set alarms to eat and get to the bathroom because he’d get wrapped up in something and lose track of time.

Easy, right? Stay away from all-or-nothing thinking. Take care of yourself and others. Do something to get grounded, but don’t forget to meditate. Live in the world of dreams and the world of waking. Eat with adult sensibilities without completely denying yourself little treats. Maintain a relationship with those you love—including yourself. Foster a dynamic flow through equilibrium.

And call in a professional when you need to. Even if you’re a professional yourself.

They may get your goat

but you don’t have to give it to them

,

Have you ever met someone and immediately knew you couldn’t stand them? Or maybe you didn’t meet them, you saw or heard them and knew.

My husband and I were on a cruise because I am lucky enough to be married to someone who is lucky enough to have worked for Oprah. She took her entire staff to the Mediterranean for the trip of a lifetime. There were fantastic restaurants onboard, parties in Barcelona and Istanbul, shore excursions, more than I ever could have imagined…

…and that one person who sucks the joy out of the moment by simply being in the same room as me.

What was it about her that got up my sleeve so fast?

I was talking to a fellow passenger about it, a woman named Donette, who beautifully embodied spirituality. I was griping, but also hoping she could give me some perspective if not a solution. I wanted to enjoy every moment of this wonderful vacation.

Donette said that what we dislike in others are the qualities we dislike in ourselves.

Am I loud? Do I say stupid things?

Um, sure, I guess, sometimes. I have a big laugh. And I look back on conversations from time to time and cringe. Don’t we all?

What Donette said never sat right with me.

I think it’s more likely that it’s not the traits that we have that repel us but rather traits we’re afraid we have. It’s not recognition but fear that drives us away.

Our inclination is to distance ourselves from these individuals, and that may be the best thing to do if possible. Then we can examine our feelings and confront internal issues in private. But what if we are forced to spend time with people who rub us the wrong way, say at work or on a two-week cruise?

We can call on our compassion. We can remember that although we don’t get to choose the challenges that come up in our lives, we do get to choose the way we meet and face those challenges. We choose how we respond.

We can consider our annoyance rationally, look for its root. Ask yourself if its their voice (breathy-baby voice) or speech pattern (not enunciating or a heavy regional accent) that makes you cringe. Are they deliberately unaware (racist or sexist jokes, for example)? Do they threaten your way of thinking (politically, spiritually, or otherwise)? Or maybe their world seems to work in a way that is incomprehensible to you (Who the hell does he think he is?). Is your irritation rooted in your childhood? A previous relationship?

Ask yourself why your reaction to this person is so loaded. Where are these with strong emotions coming from? Could it be that you fear you might come off the same way? And why would that be so bad?

I feel more shadow work coming on.

There’s nothing wrong with being incompatible with someone. But understanding our reaction is the key to coexisting with them. We may never like a certain person. They may always get our goat. But we don’t have to give it to them.

I have a stalker

Actually, two.

Hafez and Rumi have been popping up almost everywhere I turn. If you have to have a stalker, a Sufi mystic poet and a Persian poet aren’t the worst. And they’re both dead, so even better.

“God and I have become like two giant fat people living in a tiny boat. We keep bumping into each other and laughing.”

When was the last time you bumped into God (Spirit, Source… insert your preferred word) and LAUGHED?

When was the last time you even thought about God laughing? Wanting to laugh? Wanting to laugh with you?

I keep a journal of “coincidences”. I have at least two entries every day. Sometimes they make sense. Sometimes they seem like an exclamation point, like pulling the same tarot card from two different decks in one day.

And others you know the synchronicity is just Spirit poking you in the ribs trying to get you to laugh.

We don’t give Spirit enough credit for being hilarious.

We take such a serious tone with spirituality. Everything has to be lofty and profound. Meditation, affirmations, prayer, chanting, rituals… Where’s the fun?

Rumi wrote, “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”

He also said, “Respond to every call that excites your spirit.”

What excites you? What makes you happy? Dancing? Singing? Being with friends? Pets?

More from Hafez:

“One regret, dear world,
That I am determined not to have
When I am lying on my deathbed
Is that I did not kiss you enough.”

How are you kissing the world? For that matter, are you even kissing? Or has that joy gone out of your life?

Rumi again, “Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” Ecstasy is both overwhelming joy and an experience of mystic self-transcendence.

When we engage all our senses in our lives, when we open ourselves up to receive happiness, and yes, dammit, fun, the Universe delivers.

A universal insult is “You have no sense of humor.” Everyone thinks they not only have a sense of humor, but that they have a great one. Same with Spirit.

Maybe some days Spirit is encouraging you to pull its finger. Bump into God and laugh together.

The Yearning

What commitment did you make before you arrived? What soul contracts were signed? Have you ever asked what your life purpose is?

What is causing your soul to yearn? Do you feel a physical longing? Is there an intellectual or emotional hunger gnawing at you?

I invite you to do this meditation.

Lie comfortably yet somewhere you can remain alert and present. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths, allowing yourself to soften with each. Think about the most beautiful outdoor spot you’ve been in. Go there in your mind and drink it in from all angles.

Once you feel connected to the place you’ve chosen, lie down there. Sink into it. Become what you are lying on—moss, grass, sand, stone, whatever it may be. You are a part of it. There is no separation. You are one.

What do you need? If you are soil, what do you need? Do you feel longing for anything? If so, what are you yearning for?

Now, allow the water in you to evaporate and rise into the sky. Become one with the sky. As the sky, what do you need? Anything? If so, what?

Next, allow the vapor to turn to rain. Allow the vapor part of you to fall upon the part of you that is still one with the earth. Feel the nourishment you are giving yourself. Experience the oneness born of giving to yourself and sustaining yourself.

As you nourish and sustain yourself, call back all the parts of yourself that are elsewhere. The part that is with your family. The part that is with your spouse or lover. The part that you give to your work, your home, your community. Call back the part that is with your friends. The part that is with strangers you’ve spoken to. See all these pieces rushing back to your center. Gather them in fully. Welcome them home.

You are one with the earth. You are one with the heavens. You are whole. You are a seed planted in the ground, nourished by the rain and the sun. Plant yourself here and commit to this lifetime, to this incarnation.

Feel into your soul. Is there anything you need in this moment? Listen to your spirit. Is it calling for anything? Is there a thirst? A desire?

If so, identify it and commit to fulfilling it. What is your next step?

If not, then sink into this feeling of completeness knowing that when the time comes for your next right step, it will be revealed to you.

When you’re ready, find your breath again. Come back into the present and to the room. Open your eyes when your ready and plant your feet on the floor for a moment to reorient and ground yourself.

Adapted from a meditation by Jumana Sophia

The Society of Business Witchery

Buckle up. This is a wild ride.

I’m in a group called the Society of Business Witchery. It’s a class for people who have metaphysical businesses and there’s a corresponding Facebook group, led by Sara Walka of the Sisters Enchanted.

You don’t have to identify as a witch to participate but believing in your magical self certainly helps.

A member, Lindsay, posted that she was looking for volunteers to practice her mediumship on. I’m always game for a reading, so I raised my virtual hand.

We met on Zoom. Lindsay seemed a little nervous. I remembered that feeling. When I was starting out, I’d feel anxious before each intuitive reading or energy clearing because the craziest stuff has a way of surfacing.

I felt like an idiot saying things like, “It’s a sunshiny day, there are diapers—outside–and you are SO happy.” Or “What do Chili Cheese Fritos mean to you?”

Despite her anxiety, Lindsay jumped right in.

“Jennifer,” she said. “It’s a woman named Jennifer. She’s holding a megaphone YELLING Jennifer. You went swimming or boating with her. She’s holding a green crystal. She’s showing me the Red Cross cross. There’s a winding road…”

I told Lindsay I’d do some digging and see what I could find out about the Jennifer I suspected it was.

I always thought I’d make a great private detective. If I can’t solve the mystery, I like to think it can’t be solved. The game was afoot.

I asked my high school graduating class if anyone knew where Jennifer was. I struck out.

I searched the internet. I googled some more. I dug a little deeper. I pulled out a booklet from a class reunion twenty years ago found an old email address. Would it work?

Bingo! I sent an email to see if she was alive. She was and sent a tentative reply. I then wrote to her hoping she wouldn’t think I was too far out there.

I sent another message.

“A woman in a group I’m in, it’s for people starting metaphysical-type businesses, asked for volunteers so she could develop her mediumship. I said she could practice on me. We got on the zoom call and she (Lindsay) said a woman named Jennifer was coming through. We weren’t born during the Jennifer epidemic, so I don’t know a ton of women named Jennifer, and especially not many (any?) who would be dead. Lindsay said it was someone I went boating or swimming with. It wasn’t ringing a bell. Lindsay said she was showing her a green crystal—which we both assumed meant healing of some sort. This Jennifer showed her the Red Cross cross, which seemed to confirm the healing. There was also a winding road and a blockage of the throat or throat chakra—Lindsay thought that might have been how she died. The only person I could think of that it could be was you because you’re Jennifer, we lived not too far from the lake AND went to Lakeshore Middle School, and you’re a nurse. The only problem is that you’re not dead. And that there’s no reason for you to be hanging around me if you were dead. I mean, I always liked you, even admired you, but we weren’t terribly close.”

Would Jennifer think I was a kook? I mean, everything fit except the being dead part.

Here’s what she wrote back.

“Well, this is not at all weird to me.

I am a channeler, and have been receiving dictations for many years. I live in a very small community in northern MN and don’t have many contacts with intuitive peers.

One of my Spirit Teachers told me to make a space, invite some friends, and she would invite some friends too. I’ve started a gathering at my house, we’ve only met a few times.

I think the Teacher might have invited you, too. XOX 

It sure seems that we could be working together in another domain? I would love to make more direct contact.”

This would all seem bizarre and inexplicable, except it’s not the first time something like this has happened to me.

When we’re willing to open the door to the mystical, we never know what will fly in. But we can expect it to be from the realm of magic.

Full Moon in Aquarius

Full moons always bring the opportunity to release what no longer serves us. The full moon in Aquarius asks us to contemplate how we can best be of service to our community and to the wider world. You can journal on that question and pull cards using this spread for additional full moon insight.

Bite your teeth into the ass of life and drag it to you!

Secondo: You know everything has just become… too much.

Pascal: Hey, hey, fucking guy! What is this: “too much”? Hey! It is never “too much”; it is only “not enough”! Bite your teeth into the ass of life and drag it to you! Hey!

Secondo: [pause] That is why I come here to you, you know…

My husband and I watched Big Night again last week. It takes place in the 1950s. Two brothers run an Italian restaurant in New Jersey. They are being out-done by their competitor who runs what my Italian father would call an Eye-talian place.

Tony Shaloub plays Primo, the brother who is the chef and Stanley Tucci plays Secondo, the businessman brother.

Primo refuses to compromise the authenticity of his dishes. He’s not giving the people in this part of New Jersey what they want. Because of this, the restaurant is failing. Secondo is worried, and rightly so. He goes to see Pascal who gives him some unusual advice.

And I love it.

I’ve written a lot lately about facing your fears. About not living a small life. About doing what you came here to do. Maybe it’s my age biting me in the ass, urging me to say, “Not enough!”

Maybe it’s the two memorial services I’ve led lately. There’s nothing like a funeral to remind you that no one gets out of here alive.

One was for a young man, only thirty-six, the one who had lips tattooed on his posterior, the better to moon people with.

The other was for a seventy-one-year-old man. I’ll write about him some other time. Let’s just say he has me thinking about choices and mortality.

It’s important for us to remember that Spirit doesn’t want anything from us other than for us to see clearly.

“When we see clearly,” says Buddhist teacher Sylvia Boorstein, “we behave impeccably.”

What she means is that seeing clearly allows us to align our vision with that of Spirit. And Spirit’s vision for us is that we be joyful and liberated from anything that keeps us from seeing ourselves as Spirit sees us.

We are perfect just as we are. We are loved exactly as we are. Accepting this, believing this, leads us to know that we can’t fail, not in the long run.

The only fiasco would be to waste the fire and passion and love that fills us.

Could our hearts be broken if we take a risk and love fiercely? Sure. But we’ll love again.

Might we be humbled if our venture flames out? Yep. And then we know what to do differently the next time.

The best memorial services are for people who lived big, bold lives. They’re best for me because I have stories to relate to the people there. But they’re also the best for everyone who attends. We love people who take a chance on loving life. We love people who say, “Not enough!”

We love people who bite their teeth into the ass of life and drag it to them.

And when we put ourselves out there and do the same, ultimately, we learn to love ourselves as Spirit does.

The Devil, Death, and Weight Loss

How about a martini, lovely lady? Can I get you a cannoli? You deserve a treat.

The Devil offers you his hand with a promise of delicious release.

Had a tough day? Reward yourself for getting through it. Bored? Something sweet will add a dash of excitement. Happy? Did you accomplish something? Celebrate!

Or maybe it’s the other way around. Does the Devil beckon you by telling you how good you’d look if you were slimmer? Offering clever ways for you to lose weight?

I led a memorial service on Wednesday. The man who died was seventy-one. Sad, yes.

Also senseless. He didn’t want to take insulin for his diabetes because he thought it made him fat.

Would you rather be thin and die young? Or on the heavy and healthy side?

There was a time in my life when I thought I had found the perfect solution to the struggle with my weight. I stopped eating. I was 5’7” and weighed barely 120 pounds.

The Devil is gorgeous and seductive. He whispers pretty lies. “Don’t listen to them. You don’t look like a skeleton. And you’ll be stunning at 115 pounds.”

He shows up after the Death card in the tarot deck, with Temperance, the card of balance, in between. But in our lives, he often shows up before death as dangerous addictions like alcohol, drugs, work, sex, even co-dependent relationships or relying on how others make us feel.

Death is a cycle of transformation. For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, every caterpillar part has to die. We have to let go of the past to allow for the energy of new awareness, new beliefs, and new beginnings.  

But we’re not caterpillars. We don’t have internal clocks telling us it’s time to spin a chrysalis.

The Death card asks us to purge ourselves of anything unhealthy or not beneficial to our souls. It invites us to allow and embrace a fresh way of thinking.

It doesn’t have to be extreme. Small changes can effect profound shifts.

Maybe I’ll try something like putting on a pair of fancy undies to remind me of where I want to be. Because it’s hard for me to feel sexy while I’m overeating.

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