“I’m not going to share my chart,” I told the teacher of my Clinical Pastoral Education class. It was as much a trust exercise as anything else, but showing the chart I had made of my family’s disfunction made me too ashamed. Eveyrone else shared theirs, but I flat-out refused.

What is it that you’ve never told anyone? Or that very few people know about you? Drug use? Emotional infedelity? How many sexual partners you’ve had? Maybe a sexual fantasy? Or were you ever in jail for shoplifting? Declared bankruptcy? Had a pregnancy terminated?

We keep secrets because we worry about what other people will think of us. We assume they’ll judge us harshly. But recent research shows that those fears are overblown. In fact, people are much more kind that we realize. Instead of focusing on what we’ve revealed, they see the courage it took to open up. Others value our honesty, trust, and vulnerability.

In fact, the research showed that it didn’t matter who the secrets were told to. Strangers, acquaintances, close friends, romantic partners, or family members, all judged the secret-keeper less harshly than they anticipated.

We fear darker secrets will garner worse judgments and that simply wasn’t the case in the study. You never learned to ride a bike? You exchanged sexy emails with an old fling after you were married? The people hearing the secrets felt the telling also revealed warmth, trust, and honesty. And those exposing something long hidden felt a burden had been lifted.

So, what is it you’ve been afraid to reveal? It’s scary to think about, isn’t it? I’ll go first. What I was afraid to share with my classmates was that my family has a history of unemployment, alcoholism, and bipolar disorder. What about something more personal? I was once almost sued for plagerism. I tried LSD back in the 70s.

And, this one hurts to admit, for as much as I think babies are magical, I don’t like taking care of them for more than about an hour. I may wait for a bit to tell that to my son and daughter-in-law. Research is one thing, but I’m only human.

“I have someone who needs to talk to you,” Robert said. “I think he has the gift of mediumship, but he’s afraid of evil spirits.”

I was chatting with a fellow energy worker last week. He and I do similar work, but dead people never talk to him, so he had no idea what to tell his friend.

Are there evil spirits? Demons? Ghosts?

Here’s the scoop. I have never encountered a malevolent entity. I have lived and worked in places that were haunted or had poltergeists. What we might call a “ghost” is the energy of a being that is trapped—the energy, not the person. The person has died and their soul has gone back to where it came from, but some of their energy remains. It’s kind of like when you turn off the television and there’s a faint light that can still be seen for a bit. That person’s energy is stuck replaying an action, like walking down a hall or sitting on the end of a bed, for example.

If we react to that energy with fear, it can become more powerful. We feed it with our energy. In the movies and on TV, there may be characters yelling at a “ghost,” Get out! This angry energy also feeds it. Feed it enough and we experience poltergeist activity. I had one who hammered nails into the walls of the stairway. I’d take them out, it would hammer them back in. I was terrified of going onto the basement stairs at night, which fed that activity. Eventually, it started moving tools, too.

The more we feed it negative energies like fear and anger, the more that energy grows. It’s exactly like when we’re in an argument with someone and the angrier they get, the angrier we get. Or if we’re in a scary situation with someone, anything from walking down a dark alley to watching a creepy movie, our fears feed off each other and increases it.

So, what can you do? Don’t panic. Don’t yell. The first step is to realize that just like when we’re angry or scared, it needs love. It needs calm reassurance. Send it love and light. See it for what it is: stuck energy.

Think of it like the hologram of Princess Leia being projected out of R2D2 in the very first Star Wars movie. It’s simply hanging around doing the same thing over and over on a loop,

Of course, that can be easier said than done. If you need help, you can always ask a professional. A professional will gently guide the energy on its way. Once done, your space will feel clear and bright.

The owl and the lark got married and in the afternoon they danced.

It was also a reminder that in small ways, opposites attract. The miser may be initially attracted to the spender because it feels good to treat yourself. The homebody may like the adventurer’s spirit for a while. But eventually, we revert to our true selves and find opposites annoy more than attract.

Research has found that in most ways, opposites do not attract. We tend to find friends and spouses who match our age, political views, religiosity, levels of education, and typically IQ levels. Is this true of most of your friends? How about your spouse or long-term partner?

This time of year, we look to make changes in our life. We want to weigh less, save more, get organized, and spend more time with family and friends. We want to start a journaling or meditation practice to improve our mental and spiritual health. What’s on your list? Have you blown it already?

Look, if you wanted to write, you would probably already be doing it. How can you create a goal that honors who you are? How can you be more authentically you? I mean, if you like to write, join a writers’ group. If you prefer to express yourself in some other creative way, look for like-minded people. Sing in a community choir. Find a photography club.

If you don’t like running, maybe you like to dance. Try a Zumba class. And if you don’t like it, you don’t have to sign up a second time.

Gretchen Rubin wrote a great book, The Happiness Project. She spent a year trying new things for one month only. After reading the book, I followed her example. One of the things I did was write a novel. I liked writing so much, I now write a book every year. Another thing I tried was planking everyday for two minutes. Guess what I no longer do.

Try something new for a month. If you enjoy it, you’ll feel more authentic. And if you can find a group of people to do it with, people who enjoy the same thing as you, it’s a bonus.

How was your 2023? What word or couple of words would you use to describe it?
I survived? That’s fine. As a matter of fact, depending on your circumstances, that might have been a monumental accomplishment.

Me? I’d say Life Events: my son’s son was born in May; my daughter got married in July. And also Travel: I went to Las Vegas twice; Upstate New York; Cancun; New Hampshire; all over Wisconsin; Michigan’s Upper Peninsula; Alabama; and into Chicago to the Magic Lounge and the Mercury Theater where we had tickets for the season. I feel like I was away almost as much as I was home.

What word would you like leading you into 2024?

I’m choosing Presence. I spent 2023 dashing off to the north, south, east, and west of the United States and I helped plan a wedding. But I wasn’t wholly present. The planning that went into each event and trip kept me in the future rather than the here-and-now. I’d like to resume my meditation practice, and maybe spend a few more minutes each day journaling. And although reading fiction takes me into another world, I’d like to get back to reading a book a week. This is the first year ever I didn’t accomplish that.

Obviously, the word you come up with will be best for you, but if you need some ideas, here are some to consider.

• Focus
• Kindness
• Action
• Joy
• Motivation
• Adventure
• Optimism
• Peace
• Self-worth
• Love
• Spirituality
• Health

I prefer to choose one word, but you might find a quote more inspirational.
I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. – Helen Keller

Or add some sass to your inspiration.
Whatever you do, give 100%, unless you’re giving blood.

I’m trying to be less of an asshole than I was yesterday. Baby steps.

Word, phrase or sentence, now is the time to choose the tone and energy of this brand-spanking-new year.  Decide, write it down, and place it where you’ll see it to remind yourself of the direction you intend to go.

Here we are, in the middle of the holiday whirlwind, that perfect storm of joy and stress.

And to make matters worse, Mercury is retrograde until January first, this time in Capricorn. You might have some issues with money (more than usual), how you talk to people, and your travel plans. Ugh.

But Mercury retrograde also offers us the opportunity to sort things out and what better timing than before the new year starts. Review 2023. Finish up any unfinish business. Let go of things that don’t fit your plans for 2024. Clear out the old, both physical and emotional, to make way for a fresh start. What needs a closer look before you move forward?

Try not to focus on the chaos that Mercury retrograde can bring. Instead, ask how you can deepen your spiritual journey. Here are some ideas.

• Sloooooow dooooown.
• Reflect on 2023.
• Find gratitude and embody it.
• Do a cord-cutting ritual on anything that you want to leave behind.
• Work with the full moon in Cancer on December 27. Practice radical self-care. Ask What does my emotional self need?  And What is my intuition telling me?
• Get ready to set new intentions on January 1^st. Make them meaningful and powerful.

And, finally, join our Facebook Live next Sunday, 12/31/2023, when I will be pulling cards to answer the question of what you can expect in the coming year. Don’t miss this powerful event.

My bother, my aunt and me posing in font of my grandma’s silver tree circa 1966

When I was little, my dad would take me, and then my siblings as they came along, out to buy a Christmas tree one evening each year. My mom never joined us. I don’t know if that was because she hated the cold (she still does), or if it was to get a break from us for an hour or so. That was our tradition, a real tree.

When I’d visit my friends and they had a fake tree up, I felt sorry for them. They missed out on the adventure of going and picking one out. They didn’t have the smell of fresh pine filling the house. They had to be jealous of those of us who did Christmas the right way.

My grandma, on the other hand, had a silver tree with the tri-colored rotating light shining on it. This was the 1960s and that tree was mod as hell. If you had to have a fake tree, that was the way to go.

My husband doesn’t like having a real tree. He hates everything about it from setting it in the stand, to worrying about watering it every day, to having to get it out the door again in January, to finding pine needles on the floor until April. We compromise. One year a real tree, the next year the fake one. They look lifelike now and I can buy spruce-scented room spray.

What holiday traditions do you have? Do you bake cookies? Celebrate Advent? Go to see A Christmas Carol each year? Do you hand mistletoe and kiss both the willing and the unsuspecting? Make gingerbread houses?

Which of those traditions make you feel full of holiday spirit? Which of them leave you saying, “Bah, humbug!”? Which still serve you? Which need to get the boot?

When we take the time to examine our rituals, we’re able to let go of what no longer matters to us. Letting go allows us to feel lighter. Living intentionally empowers us.

Will someone be upset if you don’t serve a festive-looking, but time-consuming yule log cake? Maybe. But standing your ground and honoring your decisions will give you more sparkle and glow.

I was recently reminded by Sara Walka, the founder of The Sisters Enchanted, that being powerful, standing one’s ground and honoring one’s own decisions is what got women burned at the stake in the 1600s in what is now the United States.  They weren’t turning people into newts, they were being outspoken.

This season, change the holiday into what you’d like it to be. Get rid of what doesn’t serve your highest good. Dare to transform into who you want to be. Allow yourself to sparkle and glow from a powerful place deep within yourself.

Sing like no one’s listening          

The first time I heard my daughter-in-law sing, I cried. Her voice is that beautiful.

Mine, not so much. But you know what? My grandson doesn’t care. I sit him on my knee and start singing She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain and he’s all smiles.

Beyond the lullabies, nursery rhymes, and silly songs lies a deeper connection that transcends the melody; it delves into the realms of spirituality, weaving an intricate tapestry of love, bonding, and nurturing.

The melodies resonate not only in the ears but also in the soul of an infant. It is believed in various spiritual traditions that sound holds the power to shape reality and influence the spiritual essence of a being. When a caring adult sings to a baby, they are infusing the atmosphere with positive vibrations, creating an environment that nurtures the child’s developing spirit.

In the simplicity of a lullaby (even if it’s Simon and Garfunkel’s For Emily, Wherever I may Find Her which is what I sang to my children and sing to all three of my grandchildren) there exists a profound spirituality — an unspoken language that connects generations, cultures, and hearts. The act of singing to babies transcends the physical and enters the realm of the sacred, fostering a spiritual connection that resonates throughout a lifetime. It is a reminder that, in the gentle cadence of a song, we find not only the melody of the moment but the eternal rhythm of love and connection that binds us all.

Who do you sing to? Who do you sing with?

My husband and I sing to each other all day long. Granted, sometimes it’s trying to get a song stuck in the other’s head to annoy them, but that’s a form of, dare I say it? love and connection, too.

This is the season of singing to celebrate. Sing out! Create a connection with others by singing together. Connect with Spirit through the sacred connection of song.

Raise your vibration as you raise your voice. No one cares if you don’t sound like Barbra Streisand or Beyonce.  Make a joyful noise.

“I can’t believe both Tim and Karen are dead,” I said.

My friend Michelle and I were sitting on the beach recently, reading and chatting. Tim and Karen were friends of Michelle’s, a nice young couple about my age.

“I know,” she answered. “And they died less than a year and a half apart.”

Do you know people who have died soon after their spouse died? My Aunt Ronnie died and my Uncle George didn’t last three days without her. Or, the one that still gives me eerie chills, a woman from my parents’ church died. Her husband was in memory care. The family didn’t tell him his wife had died, figuring there was all the time in the world. While everyone was at her funeral, he died. No one had to tell him; he knew.

It doesn’t have to be married couples. Look at Debbie Reynolds dying one day after her daughter, Carrie Fisher. My husband’s parents died about a year apart and they had been divorced for over forty years.

These examples are all evidence of unfulfilled soul contracts. We promise to teach and to learn life lessons from people as we enter each lifetime. If we fail to fully learn the lesson, or if we’re locked in an unhealthy pattern or cycle, we come back in the next lifetime to give it another try. A couple’s death dates will be close to each other in order to be about the same age the next time around.

I remember when I first started dating my ex-husband. I had a psychic flash of all the lifetimes we had been together. My thought at that moment was, I hope I get it right this time. Then, after ten years together, when I realized I needed to move on, I hoped I wasn’t dooming myself to another lifetime with him. Please let this be my graduation, I prayed to Spirit and my soul. Let the lesson be complete.

Everyone in our life is there for a reason. You can make yourself crazy trying to figure out what that reason is, especially if you have a large family or an extensive circle of friends. Instead, look at a couple of your major relationships: spouse, a child you feel particularly close to or even always at odds with. Can you see the patterns and cycles? Can you tease out the lesson?

We’ve entered the season where family can bring us immense joy and simultaneously make us go bananas. Take a moment both before and after getting together to find a clue to why they’re in your life. How can you make sure you learn the lessons you came here for?

How they drive you up the wall is your first hint.

Here’s a quiz to help you assess your beauty.

1. How beautiful are you?
   1. I’m beautiful. No question.
   1. I might not say beautiful. I’m me.
   1. What the hell are you talking about?
2. When you pass a mirror, you:
   1. Blow myself a kiss and say, “Hey, gorgeous!”
   1. Look and wonder when you got so old.
   1. Just keep walking.
3. When someone pays you a compliment you:
   1. Say, “You know it! Thanks!”
   1. Deflect the attention by saying you got your outfit on sale.
   1. Ask, “What the hell is wrong with your eyes?”
4. My best feature is my:
   1. Everything!
   1. I used to have ok hair before it turned gray and wiry.
   1. Penmanship.

If you choose mostly As, you are beautiful!

If you choose mostly Bs, you are beautiful! You may need a little work on your self-esteem, but you are beautiful.

If you choose mostly Cs, stop it! You are beautiful!

If you disagree with this quiz’s assessment of your beauty, it may be that you’re comparing yourself to someone else. If so, who? And, more importantly, why?

Who decides what beauty is? And why are you believing it? What is it you don’t think is beautiful about yourself? Is your nose like Meryl Streep’s? She’s beautiful. Do you have freckles like Emma Stone? She’s beautiful. Do you have a gap between your teeth like Anna Paquin? She’s beautiful.

Step into your unique beauty this week. Stand tall. Walk with confidence. Dress in clothes that make you feel great. Stop comparing your face and body to someone else’s. Let go of the idea that there is a standard of beauty.

From now until December 4^th, Venus is in Libra, the planet of love, beauty and pleasure. Let it restore your magnetism and amplify your charm. Don’t doubt your own glow.

Retake that quiz, above. I’ll bet this time you answer with all As because You. Are. Beautiful.

Fake it ‘til you make it?

Do you ever put pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not?

Maybe you wish you were a good little worker bee but your mind wanders. Or you feel you see things only in black and white and wish you could see more shades of gray. Or perhaps you wonder why you seem to be the only one following the rules and wonder if you’ll ever loosen up.

Do you beat yourself up for not being like someone else? It’s easy to do, especially if we feel we aren’t measuring up to the ideal we hold of ourselves.

There are plenty of self-assessment tools out there: Astrology, Myers-Briggs (INTJ, here), Love Language, and Enneagram are just a few. Today, I’d like to introduce you to the Five Elements. Knowing your main element will help you to stay in balance physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

The Five Elements stem from acupuncture and Chinese medicine. The elements are Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, and Metal.

The Water personality, for example, likes gentle conversations with small groups. They have lots of ideas but follow-through is not one of their strengths.

Wood personalities (that’s me!) can be seen as intimidating. But if you need to get something done, call on them because they are efficient and have a strong work ethic.

Fires are usually happy and excited. And they want to be with others who are happy and excited. If you’re not keeping them entertained, they may give you the slip. And they don’t care what you think about it.

Earths are nurturing. They are also peacekeepers to a fault. They love comfort and love to comfort. They need to give, and they just want everyone to be happy–even if it means they may not be.

The Metal personality is the alchemist. They are also very spiritual. Others’ emotions may be too much for them, so they may lack companions. They tend to be calm, cool and collected.  

Knowing which element you are can help you to feel more relaxed in your personality. And when you know your partner’s element, it can help you understand how and why they react the way they do.

Click here to take the quiz then let me know which element you are!