Finding your voice


Do you watch Bob’s Burgers or What We Do in the Shadows? If so, then you’re familiar with Kristen Schaal who plays Bob’s daughter Louise and the Guide on Shadows.

Her voice is, um, quirky. But she embraced it and it has made her a ton of money.

Let me ask you this: Do you like your voice? I’m talking about the way you sound. Most people can’t stand hearing a recording of themselves. We sound so different to others. This is because the sound travels through the bones in our heads directly to our ears. That sound is carried through the air to those we’re speaking to. Has anyone ever made fun of your voice or your accent?

And let me ask you this: Do you feel heard?

When we are babies, we holler when we need something. If our caregiver comes running and gives us what we need, we’ve gotten positive feedback. We know we’ve been heard and understood. If we’re ignored, we learn the opposite. We learn that our voice and our needs are not important.

These moments continue throughout our childhood and even into adulthood. I moved from Detroit to the Milwaukee area and felt I had to learn a new language. Soda? Bubbler? Summer sausage? What were these people talking about? Maybe the way you talked was a source of ridicule at school, with your parents, or at a job. Not speaking the same “language” can lead to racism, ageism, and sexism.

Here’s an experiment. See if you speak differently to different people (spoiler alert: you do). See if you can figure out why. Do you raise your voice up a half-octave when greeting someone you don’t know? (You will notice this in women when you enter a store or restaurant.) Do you try to lower it when speaking to someone you want to establish authority over (or equality with if you perceive them as more powerful)? Do you laugh to appear friendly? (How are you, hahaha.)

When we use our literal voice differently depending on the circumstance, we are at least partially muting our authenticity. And when we’re not being authentic, it silences our metaphorical voice. You are less likely to be taken seriously when your voice is a half-octave above normal or if you’re laughing at the end of sentences that aren’t humorous.

The Universe needs us to be authentic. The world needs you to be you. We are all a part of the cosmic web of existence. When we’re off trying to be something else, someone else, we’re leaving a hole in that web. You are so loved exactly as you are.

How’s Your Summer?

How’s your summer?

I feel like this is the only question I hear this time of year. No one ever asks, How’s your fall?

We only get a few months of nice weather here in the Upper Midwest and we try to cram as much into them as possible. I’m as guilty as anyone. Since the beginning of June, I’ve been to Kohler, Wisconsin; my high school class reunion; New Glarus, Wisconsin, to see my sister; my daughter’s wedding; Lily Dale assembly outside Buffalo, New York; Las Vegas; Spring Green, Wisconsin; and the McHenry County Fair.

Are you in high gear, too? Are you constantly planning, preparing, going, doing, problem-solving, redoing, and fixing? Does life feel like an endless stream of responsibilities and things that have to get done? Do you ever have trouble falling asleep because you know there’s so much that has to get done the next day? (Again, I’m guilty.)

Do you know which popular phrase I hate? Making memories, as in  Oh, great, now on top of everything else, I have to worry about making sure all those experiences are memorable for others.

It’s time to take a breather, to power down, to set the switch to off. Not forever, but for a bit. It’s time to cool down and recharge.

Why? So you don’t burn out. So that you don’t build up resentment. So that you don’t hurt yourself. We’re not built to always be going and doing.

Why not stop and

  • Take a few deep breaths
  • Sit an close your eyes for a minute
  • Go outside and lift your face to the sun
  • Maybe take a walk while you’re out there
  • Pet your dog or cat
  • Listen to some calming music
  • Read a novel, something fluffy and fun
  • Meditate

When we take time to relax, we allow our physical and emotional systems to return to their baseline states. Taking a break reduces mental fatigue and anxiety. It leaves us feeling refreshed with renewed energy.

Just don’t use that energy to plan more busyness.

Seriously, how’s your summer?

Spirit really wants to get my attention

Earlier in the week, I felt called to talk about angel numbers in our weekly Facebook Live. I was glad I did as it resonated with at least one person, who asked me which book on the subject she should buy.

That reminded me that I had to look up a number, 944, that I had seen on two cars that were side by side at O’Hare when I got back from Las Vegas. I was annoyed that I had to leave the terminal I arrived at and walk outside to get to the terminal where my luggage was. But there, between the two terminals, were the cars. Of course, by the time I got home, I had forgotten to look up 944.

The next day, a Facebook memory popped up from 13 years ago. I just wrote ‘jolting yogurt” as a note to myself as I prepare to write a sermon. And I think Jolting Yogurt would be a good name for a rock band. I tried to find that sermon and couldn’t. But I did come across another sermon that had this:
Or is believing seeing? I don’t have to see a million dollars to know that it exists.  I don’t have to know how electricity works to enjoy a piece of toast.  And I don’t have to understand the complexities of the optic nerve to watch television.  As I said, I didn’t believe in angels when I saw them, so how could I have created them?

Oh, right—I need to lookup 944 in my angel numbers book. It says, Your Divine Life purpose involves working with the angels and archangels to help others.

You know what I always say. You can’t make this shit up. Angels, angels, angels.

How has Spirit been trying to get your attention lately? Do cardinals always fly right in front of your car? Do you constantly see 11:11 or 444 or 777? Do you find a penny almost every day? Or maybe white feathers are always in your path?

If you don’t know what message Spirit is trying to give you, take some time to find out. Meditate or pray. What comes up? Pay attention to your dreams. Maybe try some bibliomancy, which is asking a question and then opening a book at random, pointing at the page and reading the passage.

If you do know the meaning of the symbols being shown to you, what are you being called to do? What’s your next step? Get on it!

And watch for my angel class. I hope to have it ready in September.

The Law of Paradoxical Intent

“What’s the first thing you’ll do when we win?” I asked my husband, Chris, as he came in the door with some lottery tickets.


Note: when not if.

“Buy a new house. I want a movie theater in the basement,” he said.

We bantered back an forth about what we’d do with the $720,000,000 until Chris said he couldn’t talk about it. It made him too aware of the things he wanted but didn’t have.

This was an excellent example of the Law of Paradoxical Intent.

When there is something we want, whether it’s health, a job, a soulmate, or a material possession, we need to set an intention without feeling a sense of lack. Gratitude brings about more to be grateful for. Focusing on lack constricts the energy and pushes our desire further away from us. It can even bring about more lack.

We attract what we think about and what we feel.

That’s not to say we shouldn’t experience our so-called negative emotions. We absolutely should. All of our emotions serve as guides and teachers. But they have no place in intention-setting.

When I dream about the house I’d buy with our lottery winnings, first I think of all the things in our current house that I’m grateful for. It’s bright and sunny. It has a beautiful bathtub in a bathroom I designed and love. We can gather my big family  in it for holidays and entertain guests outside in the summer. It’s close to our children and grandchildren.

Next, I feel how wonderful it would be to have some old oaks or maples, a spacious kitchen, and an office with a door. Not because I desperately need or want those things; I don’t. But I can feel how fantastic it would be if I did have them.

And then, I let go of attachment. I release my attachment to the outcome. I have sent my desire out into the Universe knowing that there are always enough wonderful things for everyone. I release my attachment to the form in which my desire will be delivered. I release attachment to timing.

Releasing attachment is the magic wand we wave over our intention. Once we do that, poof! We have more than enough.

P.S. When I win the lottery, you’re all invited over for an over-the-top party!

Leaving a radiant footprint

You know how sometimes you can walk into a room and feel what’s been going on in there? Maybe it was an argument that left lingering tension. Or maybe you pick up on the lighthearted mood that the people who were in there left behind.

Do you ever set an intention before starting something? Perhaps before you pick up the phone to call someone, you set an intention for a positive outcome. Or before a meeting, you take a moment to set an intention for everyone to feel it was worthwhile. It can even be as simple as saying Today is going to be a great day! as you get out of bed.

Here’s something new to try: set an intention of love and blessing as you enter and leave a room or place.

Physical spaces act like sponges. They absorb the energy of everyone who passes through them.  We have no idea who was in there, but we can feel the effects as their energetic footprint either drains us or energizes us.

We can’t control those who went before us, but we can control what we leave behind. Leaving behind a vibration of love can clear out stagnant energy and allow positivity to flow in, making it harmonious and nourishing.

It’s as simple as saying Bless this space as you enter or feeling love in your heart center and letting it radiate into the room, house, building, office, or store. You can also call on your spirit guides and angels to help you. Or you can visualize the space free of toxic energy, chaos, and negativity.

Who knows whose day you’ll change as you leave a footprint of goodwill?

Try it for a week. See if it doesn’t brighten your days.

I Found My People at Lily Dale

“You have a brother-in-law who passed from this life, yes?”

The psychic medium pointed at me. I was too surprised to answer. My mind went blank. Did I have a brother-in-law who was dead?

Without waiting for me to answer, she continued. “He says that no one has to do anything, no one has to take the initiative, because they all know you’ll do whatever needs to be done.”

That’s true. But isn’t that true of most mothers? Maybe even most women?

“You have something wrong with the lower half of your body, yes?” She was speaking so quickly. “Hips, knees, ankles. Your bother-in-law is saying that you need to take care of that because Advil is no longer working.”

There was no way she could have guessed that. I hadn’t slept in two nights because the pain in my left ankle was so bad. My hip almost always hurts. And lately, my knee had been complaining. Ignoring it was becoming less and less of an option. Ostrich medicine only works for the ostrich for so long. Time to get my head out of the sand.

And, oh, yeah, I did have a brother-in-law who died–my sister’s husband.

Monday I got back from Lily Dale Assembly, about an hour outside Buffalo, New York. Opened in 1879, Lily Dale is not only a spiritual healing center, but also home to about thirty-five registered psychic mediums. It’s open to the public in the summer. I went with my friend Lindsay to experience mediumship demonstrations, hands-on spiritual healing, the old-growth virgin forest, the fairy garden, and the labyrinth. But mostly, I wanted to be with people like me, people who don’t think I’m a kook when I mention that I see dead people.

The first night I was there, as I got into bed, two people came to me. The first was a man, who looked a bit like Niles Crane from the TV show Frasier, except he was dressed in clothes from the turn of the last century. The other was a young girl in a sailor dress.

The next morning, I went downstairs and asked the owner of the house we were staying at what he knew of the history of the house. Without a word, he pulled up a photo on his phone and handed it to me. There was my guy, right in the center, standing on the steps of the house!

Later, the girl in the sailor dress came to Lindsay, who is a talented medium. She said the girl had been a student there, but she died young. The sailor dress was her favorite, but her mother didn’t like her to wear it. She came to me because I always notice little flowers and she loved them too, and because I teach children. She said she misses her teachers from Lily Dale.

I had similar experiences throughout the five days I was there. Everyone does. Lily Dale is absolutely magical. There are classes and presentations you can attend and mediums you can pay for an in-depth reading, or you can simply sit and chat with the other visitors.

There’s something wonderful about finding your people and feeling completely accepted.

I can’t say enough good things about my trip. I miss it already and I can’t wait to go back.

What color do you crave?

“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?”

I love that line from the movie Elf.  So, let me ask you, what’s your favorite color?

Did you choose a favorite color when you were little and never give it a second thought? Or, when you saw my question, did you have questions of your own? Like Favorite color for what? Walls? Car? Clothes? Throw pillows?

Maybe your favorite changes from season to season or from year to year.

Take a moment to think. If your favorite color hasn’t changed in years, examine that. Why? Do you still favor it? Do you surround yourself with it? If not, maybe it’s your favorite in name only.

If your favorite changes, look at when.

I read once that women who are recently divorced tend to wear lots of either purple or white. Purple because it shows self-worth and individuality; white because it makes them feel fresh and open to new opportunities. They don’t make a conscious decision to wear purple or white, rather they are drawn to those colors.

If you suddenly find yourself saying something like, “Orange is going to be my color this summer!” check to see if your second chakra (the sacral charka, the one below your bellybutton), is unbalanced. This chakra is associated with emotions, sensuality, creativity, and birthing. When out of balance, you may feel either emotionally constipated or like you’re drowning in emotions. You might feel unable to receive pleasure or engage in unhealthy sexual expression.

Here are what it could mean if you find yourself drawn these colors:

Red: Red is associated with the root chakra. It is located at the base of the spine. When out of balance, you may feel literally out of balance or unable to navigate changes or challenges. You may not feel safe, secure, or stable.

Yellow: The third chakra is located in the solar plexus. If you lack confidence and self-esteem or if you don’t feel in control of your life, this chakra may be out of balance.

Green (and, surprisingly, pink): The heart chakra rules our ability to love and feel compassion.

Blue: Do you have something that needs to be said? Are you having trouble communicating? The fifth chakra is located at the base of the throat and is responsible for our ability to speak our truth.

Indigo: You can thank your third eye chakra for your gut instincts, your intuition. If your intuition is off and you can’t trust it, your sixth chakra needs some help.

Purple (and, maybe not surprisingly, white): The crown chakra is on the top of the head and governs our connection to the Divine. It also plays a part in your life purpose.

Surround yourself with the color or colors you feel drawn to on any particular day. Wear that color. Or find an object in that color and place it where you can see it. This simple act can help balance what is out of balance.

P.S. To watch Will Farrell as Buddy answering the phone click here.

P.P.S. On a practical note, if you want to repel mosquitos, wear white. It turns out they’re goth. Ok, that’s not true. But they are attracted to heat and white helps keep you cool in the sun since it reflects light.

The Wedding that Almost Wasn’t

Saturday, my daughter almost didn’t get married.

The hair stylist and the makeup lady arrived at 7:30, followed by my daughter Nora and a gaggle of girls and women. Nora was nervous and as time passed it got increasingly worse.

By the time the limo arrived, Nora was in a haze. Not good.

We got into the building next to the church and she had a panic attack. She was on the floor, sweating, puking, and just barely responding to questions. As I saw it, there were four options:

  • Get into the church and get married
  • Have Caleb, the groom, come and get her and then go to the church
  • Have Caleb and the deacon go to her and marry her on the floor
  • Or get married later.

I left to corral the troops while the maid of honor stayed and fanned Nora because she was drenched in sweat.

A half hour later, she sent for Caleb. That didn’t make her feel better. She sent word a bit later, asking if the deacon could marry her on the floor. He said no, it had to be in the church, but he could perform a private ceremony in the chapel. She agreed and they carried her into the chapel.

Meanwhile, we sent the guests home. We sent the guests home. Bye! See you at the reception!

Nora still couldn’t sit up, let alone stand. The deacon refused to marry her lying down. She managed to sit up, the maid of honor still fanning her. She muttered her vows and we carried her to the limo. She still wasn’t really responding. We thought she would feel better once she was married, but she didn’t.

We told the limo driver to take us to the hospital. We flew, taking corners on two wheels.

You better believe I called on my spirit team to keep me steady. I say this simple prayer:

I affirm my spirit. I affirm the source of spirit. I affirm my guardians, guides, angels and ancestors who work for my highest good. Be with me now. Guard me, guide me, show me your love. Thank you.

Nora got an IV of fluids and anti-nausea medication. She and Caleb made it to the reception a half hour late, but the regular Nora was back like she never had a complete freak-out.

Life presents us with trials and challenges, opportunities to grow and situations that are beyond our comfort zone. We don’t have to face them alone. We always have people who love us who we can ask for help. We also have our angels, our spirit guides, and the Conscious Universe (God, Spirit, whatever name we choose) to call on. We are so eternally loved.

Not Deciding is Deciding

Last Sunday, more people opened my newsletter than almost ever before. Of course they did. I had left a note to myself in it. Doesn’t it always seem that we make more mistakes when others are looking?

I was torn about leaving in a couple of sentences and meant to go back and decide. And then forgot.

How many times have you put off making a decision?

I know a woman who saves boxes thinking one day she’ll move. She’s been in her apartment for thirty years now, surrounded by boxes.

Another woman I know is considering leaving her husband. Meanwhile, she’s putting up with his trash-talking.

As for me, I kept putting off confronting the relative who had abused me as a child, which meant it was always on my mind. Once I finally said something, I was able to move past it.

The Two of Swords is about decision-making. It comes up when we find ourselves in a situation where neither choice seems particularly appealing, and we feel at a stalemate or in limbo. Like the woman on the card, we may choose to keep the blindfold on, hoping the problem goes away by itself, but unless we take off the blindfold and take action, there will be no progress.

By putting off the decision, we may think we haven’t decided when in fact we have. Marilyn is still in her apartment. Johanna is still with her husband. My newsletter went out with those sentences I was waffling about in it.

It’s too late for me to un-send last week’s newsletter, but it’s not too late for me to examine where in my life I’m waffling to the point where everyone can smell my maple goodness. Maybe you’d be willing to help me.

I’ve been thinking of teaching a class about angels—who they are, what the difference is between archangels and guardian angels, how we can get to know them, and how they can help us in both times of need and in everyday life. Would you be interested in a class like that? Reply to this email and let me know.

In the meantime, ask yourself what decision you’ve been putting off. How is that affecting your life? What do you need to do to remove the blindfold and get yourself out of yourself from limbo?

Trust Your Intuition for Everyday Minor Miracles

For my birthday, I made a cake that was way too delicious. It was almost like an angel food cake, with raspberry jam and fresh raspberries between the layers, then frosted with whipped cream that had pulverized dehydrated raspberries in it. Yum.

If that cake sat around my house, I’d be wearing it on my hips before the week was out.

I took it to a neighbor’s house. Her hips could worry about it.

Saturday, I realized that she still had my plate. I sent her a text and set off to meet her midway.

“How are you,” I asked. She shrugged. “What’s up?” I genuinely wanted to know. She is one of the friendliest and kindest people I know. Before we met I needed someone to French braid my granddaughter’s hair because I don’t know how. She was dancing in the Nutcracker in a couple of hours, and I was in a panic. I pleaded in our neighborhood’s Facebook group and this woman came to my rescue.

“Life,” she said morosely.

“Want to come over?” I asked.

She burst into tears and nodded.

I offered her something to drink as I rummaged in the refrigerator. I found two grapefruit White Claw drinks. Where the hell did those come from? I don’t drink White Claw. I’ve certainly never bought hard seltzer. And two of them? I thanked my angels as I poured the drinks into glasses. Angels are the only explanation I can come up with.

We talked for a couple of hours. Her life was feeling chaotic and overwhelming. I hope I did more listening than talking. I think I did.

She finally stood up to leave. “Maybe this is why I kept forgetting to bring your plate back,” she said.

Or maybe it’s why I followed my intuition and took the cake to her in the first place. It would have been easier to take it next door rather than two blocks over. Or why I got the notion to ask to get my plate when I did.

Follow your intuition. You never know where it might lead you.

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