Fake it ‘til you make it?

Do you ever put pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not?

Maybe you wish you were a good little worker bee but your mind wanders. Or you feel you see things only in black and white and wish you could see more shades of gray. Or perhaps you wonder why you seem to be the only one following the rules and wonder if you’ll ever loosen up.

Do you beat yourself up for not being like someone else? It’s easy to do, especially if we feel we aren’t measuring up to the ideal we hold of ourselves.

There are plenty of self-assessment tools out there: Astrology, Myers-Briggs (INTJ, here), Love Language, and Enneagram are just a few. Today, I’d like to introduce you to the Five Elements. Knowing your main element will help you to stay in balance physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

The Five Elements stem from acupuncture and Chinese medicine. The elements are Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, and Metal.

The Water personality, for example, likes gentle conversations with small groups. They have lots of ideas but follow-through is not one of their strengths.

Wood personalities (that’s me!) can be seen as intimidating. But if you need to get something done, call on them because they are efficient and have a strong work ethic.

Fires are usually happy and excited. And they want to be with others who are happy and excited. If you’re not keeping them entertained, they may give you the slip. And they don’t care what you think about it.

Earths are nurturing. They are also peacekeepers to a fault. They love comfort and love to comfort. They need to give, and they just want everyone to be happy–even if it means they may not be.

The Metal personality is the alchemist. They are also very spiritual. Others’ emotions may be too much for them, so they may lack companions. They tend to be calm, cool and collected.  

Knowing which element you are can help you to feel more relaxed in your personality. And when you know your partner’s element, it can help you understand how and why they react the way they do.

Click here to take the quiz then let me know which element you are!

Chances are, if you read the Mystic Sunday newsletter, you consider yourself a spiritual person. And, as many spiritual people do, you feel you came here, to this life, for a purpose.

But what is that purpose?

By now, I’m sure everyone has heard me talk about my aunt’s husband Scott who said as he was dying that he hadn’t done what he came here to do. That lit a fire under me. I quit my job and changed the course of my career within a month of him saying that.

What about you? Are you doing what you came here to do?

Yes. You are.

And so did Scott. Lying in a hospice, he may have thought he was supposed to be a healer. Or, I should say a healer of a different sort. What he did made people smile. It brought them joy. And smiling and joy always bring healing. He was doing exactly what he was supposed to be do.

So are you. You may feel like you’ve come here to do something BIG and if you haven’t yet accomplished it, you may feel like you’re waiting, incomplete, or even empty. Perhaps there is something big you’ll still do, perhaps not.

If so, you will. If not, guess what—you’re being here is enough. You are enough. Who you are touches people every day and because of something you say to someone or do to them, they in turn touch others.

That influence might be something small. Just the other day, I went hiking with a couple of friends. One of them picked up leaves as we hiked. When we had lunch later, she decorated the table with the leaves she had picked up. I’ll be doing that for Thanksgiving this year. Maybe someone at my table will like the idea and carry it forward, too.

You don’t have to come up with the next big technological breakthrough or cure cancer or discover how to efficiently irrigate drought-stricken areas. Maybe you won’t be the one to invent a smart watch that detects disease or a machine that washes, dries, irons, and folds clothes. Your life has meaning regardless.

Release yourself from the pressure to be more. Stay true to your values. Take hold of opportunities that excite you as they arise. Be authentic.

You are enough just as you are.

From now until the end of the month, the veil between the living and the dead will be thinning. It will be at its thinnest from sundown October 31^st to sundown November 1^st.

Samhain (pronounced sah-wn) is one of the shabbats on the witch’s calendar. It has Celtic origins, having first been celebrated by Celtic Pagans. It marked the new year, the end of summer and the beginning of the darker months of the year (An t-Samhain is Gaelic for November) and was when spirits were believed to roam the earth. The holiday is marked with feasting, dancing, taking nature walks and building altars to honor dead loved ones.

Long ago, costumes were worn to ward off evil spirits and offerings of delicious food were left out for those who had passed on.

Many cultures recognize this sacred time of year. There’s Dia de los Muertos in Mexico and Latinx communities in the United States and All Souls Day in the Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches.

And of course, we have Hallowe’en  which is short for All Hallows Evening, meaning the day before All Saints Day. These days, rather than honor our dead on October 31^st, we put inflatable ghouls on the lawn and send costumed children out collecting candy.

During this time, it’s easier to communicate with those who have died. Your ancestors and loved ones are always with you but you may not always find it easy to get messages from them. This is also the perfect time to practice divination with tarot or oracle cards, a pendulum, or other tools.

If you’d like to connect with someone who has crossed over, now is the time to try it. You can set up a simple altar with some seasonal items like acorns, colorful leaves, gourds, marigolds or mums, horse chestnuts, or even fruit like figs, apples, or pears. Add a photo of the loved one you wish to get a message from as well as a small offering for them. If you have crystals, good ones to use are labradorite, obsidian, carnelian, smoky quartz or amethyst.

Center yourself. Close your eyes. Set an intention to receive a message of guidance. Light a candle if you like. Visualize a bridge between the two of you and see yourself crossing it. Express gratitude for the message you’re about to receive, then get into a meditative state and see what happens. You may hear words, see something in your mind’s eye, or have a deep knowing of what the message is.

When you’re done, thank the spirit of your loved one again, seal off the sacred space, and come back to the present. Don’t forget to write down what you experienced.

So, as darkness descends, embrace the magic of Samhain and celebrate.

Is the glass half full?

Or half empty? This question has always bothered me. How you view the glass is supposed to shine some light on your disposition, to show if you tend to be an optimist or a pessimist.

However, the glass is rarely without context.

If it’s on a table full of dirty dishes, it’s on its way to empty because someone has drunk half of its contents. See what I mean? If that glass is in someone’s hand, it may be halfway to a refill. That’s the power of positive thinking.

Or maybe the glass is full, one part with liquid, one part with air. Maybe it’s not about the liquid as much as it is the glass which is twice as large as required in this situation.

Face it, the glass is full of possibilities.

But I understand the idea behind it. Some people tend to be more like Tigger, others more like Eeyore. And even when you’re naturally more of a Tigger, you can still have an Eeyore day or two.

I was feeling down the other day. Lately, I’m not as connected as I’d like to be. My friends in our neighborhood moved away. My good friends all live out of state. I’m only working with one class at the local elementary school this year. And now that my granddaughters are teenagers, I rarely see them.

I asked my husband to remind me of a good memory. He came up with plenty of wonderful things we’ve done, but no matter what he mentioned, I could find something wrong with that day, or trip, or party. Oh, bother, as Winnie the Pooh says.

When a good mood seems impossible, it’s important to channel your inner Tigger and find gratitude in the small things.

Before I get out of bed, I give myself a hug, roll over, and appreciate my warm, comfortable bed. I give thanks for the water that comes out of the wall when I need it. I smell the juniper scent of my tea as it steeps. I’m happy that there’s a dishwasher to put my mug in when I’m finished with it. You get the picture.

We always attract what we’re focused on. When we look at our lives with a half-empty consciousness, we perceive lack, and send that vibe out to the Universe, and the Universe sends it right back.

Instead, fill what you feel as a void with gratitude for all the little things in your life and as you begin to feel better, add gratitude for the people who love you, the wonderful things you’ve created, the good food your have, and your strong and healthy body. Fill your consciousness until your (figurative) glass is overflowing.

I’m afraid of heights. Like, unreasonably so. If I have to shop on the second floor of a shopping mall, I am next to the stores, not the railing.

I have one client who is deathly afraid of spiders. She would probably move out of her apartment if she found one in the bathtub.

Another client is convinced she is going to be assaulted if she goes out after dark.

Traumatic experiences in a past life often come with us into the next one, giving us a clue to who we were or how we died.

Other clues come in the form of strong connections to a place or an era. I’ve written before about my connection to New England. I’m almost afraid to visit again because I’ve sobbed for days after coming home when I’ve gone before.

All those people dressed up at the Renaissance Faire? Or the almost 1.1 million people in the Fairy Witch Cottagecore Vibes Facebook group? They most likely had significant lifetimes in those eras.

Past lives come with us into this life in the same way that what you did ten years ago can influence the present. Sometimes it’s with a sense of déjà vu so strong that you swear you’ve been in that exact situation before. And you know what? It’s because you have! The same can happen with a dream so vivid that you can’t shake it off in the morning, leaving you with a kind of dream hangover that lasts all day.

These clues about our past lives help point us in the right direction for our soul’s journey in this life and beyond. They help us to figure out what we came here to do. What lessons do we need to learn? Who do we need to help? Who should we break free from? What wrongs do we need to right? What is our unique purpose?

This week, take a look at any phobia you may have. Take ten to twenty minutes to get into a meditative state and explore it. If you’d prefer to do a guided meditation, try this one by registered clinical hypnotherapist Suzanne Robichaud

Tarot cards, a crystal ball, a pendulum, and… cheese?

There are many, many means of divination, some wackier than others.

 Tyromancy is the art of predicting the future using cheese. In the Middle Ages, those who wanted to divine messages would inspect the patterns of mold or the holes or other cheesy characteristics to find out about love, justice, rain, health, or death. Another way of using it to get answers was to set out two pieces of cheese, each representing a different path the querent might take. Then, whichever piece was nibbled first by a mouse or worm was the best path to take or decision to make. If a girl was wondering which suitor to marry, she’d set out two small morsels of cheese, one for each man, and the first to grow mold was the best match for her.

But, wait! That’s not all!

Abacomancy was the use of dust, dirt, or sand to get insight about the future. You could even use the ashes of someone recently deceased. Similar to reading tea leaves, the dust, dirt, or whatever, would be laid on a flat surface and then examined for patterns or symbols. Jackson Pollack, the famous painter, was known for his series of paintings based on abacomancy.

Bibliomancy is something I’ve written about before. Quick—grab the book that’s closest to you. Hold it while you think of something you’d like Divine guidance on. Hold your question in your mind as you open to a random page and, with your eyes closed, point at a passage. Open your eyes and read it. If the insight isn’t immediately obvious, give it a day or so to percolate.

Scrying is also relatively easy to do. You can use water, a mirror, a crystal ball, fire, or smoke. Look into your chosen medium and soften your gaze. What do you see? What impressions do you get? It’s almost like dreaming while you’re awake and then interpreting the vision you get.

Ouija board, palmistry, coffee grounds, runes, fung shui, nine star ki, and astrology are just a few that you may have heard of. If one of them sounds interesting to you, why not look into it and give it a try?

My granddaughter was on the bench. Again. She had fouled out too many times. Sometimes she does it one purpose to intimidate the opposing basketball team. Sometimes her temper gets the best of her.

When she was younger, she spent a few days a week with me. She and I were often like oil and water. We’d get into it. There would sometimes be tears—from one or the other or both of us. Then, I would apologize and remind her that we’re both stubborn and we’re both spicy. It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. That’s the way we’re wired.

I was working with a client last week and she sighed, “I overthink everything.” I told her she doesn’t overthink; she analyzes. She tries to figure out the why. Besides, maybe other people under-think. Who says what the right amount of thinking is? And it’s not like she can change how much she thinks. That’s the way she’s wired.

We all have things we’ve heard others say about us that hurt like lemon juice in a papercut. We’re too sensitive. We need to relax. We come on too strong. We’re too emotional. Or too aloof. Or too kind. Or…

What is it you’ve heard more than once that you’re too? Is it something you can change? Is it something you even want to change? What are the positive outcomes of the way you’re wired?

Deep thinking helps us analyze difficult situations and may help find solutions to problems. Being sensitive makes us empathetic. Finding it difficult to relax gets shit done. Being assertive sets good boundaries. You get the picture. How is your temperament an asset?

As I’ve said before, the Universe needs you to be authentic. You are unique and you have a unique role in the interconnected web of being. Spirit loves you exactly as you are. If you’re not being you, the Universe is diminished.

So here’s to you and the traits you may feel are negative. What a beige world it would be without them.

Today, I won’t be at Oktoberfest because I’m home trying not to be an albatross.

I’ll get to why, but first, a little backstory.

When I lived in Paris, I had a friend named Columbine. It seemed like she knew absolutely everyone. (She even took me to have tea with a French TV star once.) I hung out with her and her group of friends a lot.

One day, I was at her place and the phone rang. She answered and gestured for me to pick up the little earpiece that was a feature of French phones back then. It was Philippe. “Est-ce que l’abatros est là?” he asked. Columbine said yes and I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the conversation because I was puzzling over what he had said. When Columbine hung up I asked her, “qu’est-ce que l’albatros?”

“The thing that won’t go away,” she replied. He had asked if the albatross was there. Oh. I’m the albatross.

This was just before my best friend back in the States wrote to tell me she didn’t want to be friends any longer because no one was going to ask her out if they thought I was going to tag along.

It appeared I wasn’t an albatross just in France.

Last week, I found out that not only did a friend forget to put our going to Oktoberfest together on her calendar, but that she has other plans—with the all the women in our group—except me. Ouch.

It’s amazing how something small can hook right into an old wound, tearing it open again. I had to remind myself to feel the fresh emotions and to leave the past in the past.

By being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives. We don’t always get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to choose how we meet and face a challenge.

We can go out and buy a bag of salted caramels to try to avoid negative feelings (and boy, did I want to), or be gentle with ourselves, and know that healing will begin once we let the feelings of hurt, disappointment, anger, or even grief flow.

We can call someone who genuinely cares about us and give ourselves permission to talk about what hurts.

We can use an affirmation like I am loving, loveable, and loved.

And, when we’re ready, we can give ourselves permission to forgive.

In the meantime, I have a great idea for a Halloween costume.

“I feel like we’re walking around like zombies,” my friend told me. “I can’t seem to shake the feeling that this guy is still with us somehow.”

I scheduled energy clearings with each of them. Suzanne and Allie had met a guy who was an actual energy vampire. He had gotten his energetic hooks into them and continued to sap their energy for days. It was spooky. I cut the energetic cord and cautioned them to not have any further contact with him.

People who are honest-to-goodness energy vampires are rare. But we all know people who leave us feeling depleted, tired, unsupported, or maybe even a little sad: the friend who is always in the middle of some drama and whines to us about it, or the family member who constantly needs help but never calls to see how we’re doing, or the co-worker who is so, so needy.

These lesser vampires aren’t going to go away unless we disinvite them. It may not be possible to cut them out of our life entirely, especially if we’re people-pleasers (and if you are, know that you are easy prey for these energy suckers). But we can be honest with them.

If we can sit them down and tell them we feel drained by the relationship, we have the chance to see behind the Dracula mask.

If they say, “I’m sorry. What do you need?” then there’s hope. If they become defensive or angry, they’re probably not going to change. At the very least, new boundaries will need to be established. We don’t have to answer every time they call. We can feel free to say we’re busy or give ourselves a hard out (I need to run at 7:20).

Or they may need a complete exorcism from your life.

If we continue to give them our time and energy, we need to ask ourselves why. Are we not worthy of mutually supportive relationships? Is our well-being not valuable? Shouldn’t we unapologetically respect our own needs?

There is magic in having clear energetic boundaries. Boundaries create a healthy separation between us and others. They allow us to have our own space and privacy, our own feelings, thoughts, needs, and ideas.

They allow us to be ourselves rather than who someone else wants us to be. And the Universe needs us to be uniquely us.

Have you ever had a decision that felt like it was making you instead of the other way around? A choice in your life that seemed less like a choice and more like an unstoppable force?

There was one day I got up and I knew I had to become a hospice chaplain. It was an undeniable push from Spirit. It was a sudden longing that was so powerful that I knew I wouldn’t be able to do anything else.

And then there are the more gentle callings of our souls. We may feel like something is off, something in our lives is not quite right. But what? At those times, it seems like that not-quite-right-ness  is hard to pin down. Maybe it’s not enough exercise or a new medication or a mild cold or…

Rarely do we consider that it’s our soul, our higher self, trying to get our attention.

We make many soul contracts before we come into this lifetime. Some are huge, meant to change the world. Others are smaller, lessons to be learned or patterns to be broken. All of them are important. All of them long to be fulfilled.

When we feel like something is not quite right in our life, it’s time to be quiet and ask our soul what our next step is. We can meditate. We can walk silently in nature. We can turn off the music when we’re on a long drive. We can try journaling or even automatic writing (the practice of asking a question and letting the answer write itself, without consciously moving the pencil). Or we can use oracle cards to give us answers.

We can also call on Archangel Raziel, the angel of wisdom. He can help us when we need guidance on our spiritual path. He can break down barriers to get you where you need to be. He’s there for us when our soul is whispering to us, prodding us to find our true purpose.

Once you have requested Raziel’s help, you may see the numbers 11, 22, or 33, the numbers associated with him. You might also notice scrolls or the color indigo more often than usual. Trust these signs that he is with you. But even if you don’t see them, that doesn’t mean he’s not helping you. Keep a notebook near your bed for flashes of insight that come to you as you’re drifting off to sleep or in a dream.

Be still and listen this week. What is your soul urging you to do?